WellI I already tried to write this in the disappeared. My sister left yesterday I Mr. horribly she's my health care proxy my best friend my confidant and my only sister.
I slept till noon today which is unusual for me and I don't know if it is the new Alzheimer's meds that I started two days ago glass med they can start me on. I know that I'm suffering from depression and I know the longer you dig the hole in and climbed down into it harder it is to climb back out. I did look from start me on Prozac but that takes two weeks I guess to make you feel better. I wonder why I'm on this earth at all I don't want to be better nonleague Joe I would love just not take my meds all 23 pills and just let nature take its course but I can't do that to such a loving caring person and it's selfish.
Not Joe just went to Walmart on his list she's got ensure our dependence Desitin PN
is all things that I need at age 56. I can't be intimate I don't detached I don't to be hugged I want to be left alone alone in my misery and Joe don't deserve that. As most of you know he is the kindest most gentlest husband and I am truly blessed to have him but we're becoming caretaker and patient a lot faster than I thought it would happen he's trying do everything for me and it's just not happening I don't want that I want to be his wife I want to feel will hold me in touch me it's too hard to even attempt he says he understands but I don't see how we can to go from wife they could do anything that could make love three of four times a day we are always on the honeymoon to maybe attempting it once a month's I've tried everything but dammit I don't want to be a patient I don't want to be like this I don't want to live like this dear God please help me, I'll take a quarter the back of what I used to be. Otherwise I just live like this I will not be a burden to Joe,
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