I am so lost

I am so lost at this minute. I slept till moon tonight which is very unusual for me I missed church I don't know if it's because my sisters on or they started the new Alzheimer's medicine and make me tired.

I nondepressed I mean who wants to live like this I just want to go to the store were Joe and I looked at the bags under my eyes when I was getting dressed put makeup on and I got so upset Joe went to the store by himself. I know he likes to go by himself because of my panic attacks and I slowing down, but I do not believe that he should take on all the weight around here. I get so afraid to go outside I'm afraid to state church around people your new place I feel comfortable is with you all talk and him my Facebook. I don't know if it's as you can see me are I have a different perception of what I look like I used to consider myself strong beautiful cocky yes I was a bitch I always got what I wanted no matter the cost. But now I'm afraid of everything and I don't know why. It's

Now I know Joe's got support groups coming up this week's I have to go the doctors also Tuesday to find out why I have to wear depends YM had diarrhea for six months. I've tried diet I've tried everything obviously nothing works. But one thing that bothers me the most is that I don't feel sexy I don't feel like you want to be intimate Joe needs that would've always had a very active sex life and now we have none of tried and I just can't do it. Hours afraid an accident on the happen or because my breathe and I get a migraine and in her an intern that hurts Joe and he stopped and holds me well I cry.

I'm trying to live day by day, I'm trying not to think of my prognosis which is four years now. I'm not afraid died cause I know that I will be healed and I will be with Jesus but I

My Journey through Alhezimers: A horrible day!!! I can't live like this

My Journey through Alhezimers: A horrible day!!! I can't live like this: WellI I already tried to write this in the disappeared. My sister left yesterday I Mr. horribly she's my health care proxy my best friend my...

A horrible day!!! I can't live like this

WellI I already tried to write this in the disappeared. My sister left yesterday I Mr. horribly she's my health care proxy my best friend my confidant and my only sister.

I slept till noon today which is unusual for me and I don't know if it is the new Alzheimer's meds that I started two days ago glass med they can start me on. I know that I'm suffering from depression and I know the longer you dig the hole in and climbed down into it harder it is to climb back out. I did look from start me on Prozac but that takes two weeks I guess to make you feel better. I wonder why I'm on this earth at all I don't want to be better nonleague Joe I would love just not take my meds all 23 pills and just let nature take its course but I can't do that to such a loving caring person and it's selfish.

Not Joe just went to Walmart on his list she's got ensure our dependence Desitin PN
is all things that I need at age 56. I can't be intimate I don't detached I don't to be hugged I want to be left alone alone in my misery and Joe don't deserve that. As most of you know he is the kindest most gentlest husband and I am truly blessed to have him but we're becoming caretaker and patient a lot faster than I thought it would happen he's trying do everything for me and it's just not happening I don't want that I want to be his wife I want to feel will hold me in touch me it's too hard to even attempt he says he understands but I don't see how we can to go from wife they could do anything that could make love three of four times a day we are always on the honeymoon to maybe attempting it once a month's I've tried everything but dammit I don't want to be a patient I don't want to be like this I don't want to live like this dear God please help me, I'll take a quarter the back of what I used to be. Otherwise I just live like this I will not be a burden to Joe,

My Journey through Alhezimers: Another Wednesday morning

My Journey through Alhezimers: Another Wednesday morning: Handing one, hope you're all doing well today and have a lot less pain. I'm doing pretty good having my sister here was keeping my temper ta...

Another Wednesday morning

Handing one, hope you're all doing well today and have a lot less pain. I'm doing pretty good having my sister here was keeping my temper tantrums down besides even though she's smaller than me she can be beat me up lolit seems like this week is going by so fast and she's leaving Saturday at six o'clock in the morning so that synodical day that is just wasted. She's a little tired today because everybody woke up about some personal got that wasn't supposed to be up was in me I'm always up to. I get up at two o'clock Monday have coffee with Joe so we can have some privacy without our roommate all can use your own same wants to each other but at least were alone together and then I take my Nikon pills arm at 3 AM and go back to sleep for a few hours which unthinkingly doing right now because I have to Rake lawn.

Joe finally found in all forms group needs going to be going twice a week and only minutes to go back to celebrate recovery last night on which really helped but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say not supposed to say your share button on sure that also grayback and if I give it, the and given at times the hard thing for me I want everything right away and it's frustrating.

Did any of you get the letters that I wrote I know some may be difficult to read but the doctors want me to write them on so I'm trying to send out you know when it to a day I haven't had penpals since nonmember. I just think it's more personal the letter in the mail besides bills I'm sure most of you would agree with me I'm hoping for a better day today I went through five different opinions yesterday my sister for you know it could be the extra fibe oatmeal which more likely it is to say that twice a day and my day consists of all mail and I'm sure the The soup in the Dr. said that's all right now is long as I have my  ensure So apparently all of problems I've been having some months now that I thought were med related all don't appear to be because they did not start doing Alzheimer's meds yet till March 1 and only of the men that they started was Prozac 20 mg QD and I've been on that before and had no problems

I'm really hoping now that I am putting this on Facebook and on blogs all that people can see my journey and maybe find a comparison maybe get some ideas on how low I really don't have any good ideas right now but maybe they communally and see that they're not the only ones

Not just wanted drop by and say hi sales see you later on during day and time t to run. Please feel free to leave your remarks I look forward to seeing them on be logged page it's easy to find so any suggestions helpful hands anything that you want to post please feel free have a great day.

My Journey through Alhezimers: A difficult day

My Journey through Alhezimers: A difficult day: Today is one of those days, that nothing's going right. I've gone through three different depends into pads into showers. I need to make an ...

A difficult day

Today is one of those days, that nothing's going right. I've gone through three different depends into pads into showers. I need to make an appointment with Castro because I can't figure out what meds causing it. I've put it off long enough I can't eat anything everything goes right through me with Dan 3 min. I know I need help with that in I have to find out what's causing it. I feel self-consciously the my house is a don't know what's going to happen. I think I'm on the go way now spend the day my room and stay close to the bathroom.

I know people that love me really try to help and when I disagree it's not because I'm being difficult and not listening Gorby and the bitch it's because I don't agree I appreciate all the advice I get but I know my body I know what makes me comfortable and I have to go by what I feel like like I said I appreciate all the help my sisters – she's taken a nap so I think I'm on the go do the same it's best that I don't talk anymore today and tried to just relax so I go to my meeting tonight I'm actually going to go back to celebrate recovery and see if that helps it always has. It is always brought me closer to Jesus and that's what I need right now love you all I'm always brain you have a pain-free day I can see the this some typos but it's my accent and I don't feel like going back and fix and him but you guys he used it deciphering my writing talk you soon soft hugsssssssssss   Donnalynn