Monday, January 23, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: THIS IS A LONG JOURNEY.............
My Journey through Alhezimers: THIS IS A LONG JOURNEY.............: I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS, NOT KNOWING EXACTLY WHEN IT WENT FROM WHAT I THOUGHT WAS FIBRO FOG TO ALZ...
THIS IS A LONG JOURNEY.............
I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS, NOT KNOWING EXACTLY WHEN IT WENT FROM WHAT I THOUGHT WAS FIBRO FOG TO ALZHEIMERS, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG BEFOREI AM A SHELL.
MY SYMPTONS ARE GETTING WORSE, I KEEP LOSING THIS, I FORGET MY MEDS, I DRESS HALF ASSED, I AM VERY DEPRESSED AND MOST OF ALL I FEEL LOST.
MY EMOTIONS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE, IM HAPPY THEN SCREAMING. I PICK FIGHTS FOR NO REASON.
I STARTED OUT MAKING WHAT I TOUGHT WAS A JOKE ON MY DAUGHTER IN LAWS POST AND IT ENDED UP INTO A FUL BLOWN DISAGREEMENT, MEBEING THE CAUSE. SHE LOVES ME AND I TORE INTO HER, NOT FAIR.MY SON AND HE ALONG WITH MY GRANDDAUGHTER ARE SUPPOSE TO BE MOVING HERE TO FLORIDA IN A FEW MONTHS TO HELP JOE. WHENMY SON CALLED LAST NIGHT, HE TOLD ME THAT IF HIS WIFE CHOOSE NOT TO COME HERE TO HELP, HE WOULD STAY WITH HER IN NH, WHICH I UNDERSTAND SHE IS HIS WIFE. IF AT THESE EARLY STAGES, SOME OF WHICH I CANNOT EVEN UNDERSTAND, THEY CANT UNDERSTAND THEN I SEE NOT POINT IN HAVING THEM COME HERE TO LIVE. I PRAY THEY WILL VISIT SO I CAN SEE THEM BEFORE I AM GONE, BUT I CANNOT ASK THEM TO PUT THERE LIVES ON HOLD , THEY HAVE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AND A NEW LIFE TOEGHTER. THEY DO NOT NEED ME AS I AM ALWAYS VJUST GOING TO GET WORSE. I DO NOT WANT MY GRANDDAUGHTER TO SEE HAT, SHE LOVES HER PEPE JOE AND WILL ALWAYSHAVE HER.
SOME PEOPLE JOKE AS THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND AND IT IS AN EASIER WAY TO HANDLE IT. THIS I UNDERSTAND. I HAVE A SISTER, WHO WORKED WITH PTS SO SHE KNOWS BUT I HAVE 3 BROTHERS WHO LOVE ME AND MAKE ME LAUGH WITH THERE JOKES.I HAD 2 OTHER SISTERS BUT THEY ARE GONE.
WHAT PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND IS WHAT THIS IS DOING TO ME, I HAVE DEALT WITH 22 DIFFEREN SEROUS ILLNESES AND HELD MY HEAD HIGH BOUNCED BACK TILL I GET A FLAREAND I ALWAYS MAKE IT THROUGH. THE LAST BEING PNEUMONIA AND THEN A PERMANENT PORT IN M CHEST. THE THINGSI CANT DO IS FIND WHICH ROOM I NEED TO BE IN, TO SHOWER MYSELF,TO EAT,TO SLEEP OUT OF FEAR. I WILL NEVER GROW OLD WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, I WILL NEVER SEE MY GRANDAUGHTER GO TO SCHOL. I WILL NEVER GET TO SEE MY 3 OLDEST GRANDCHLDREN THAT I HAVE NOT SEEN IN 7 YRS, THEY WILL NEVER KNOW ME EXCEOT FOR THE FOUL THINGS THERE MOTHER TOLD THEN.I WONT SEE JAYDA GET MARRIED, SEE MY SON AND HIS WIFE CELEBRATE ANNIVERSERIES.IWILL DREWL, BECOME MORE IMCONTANEST AND MY BLUE EYES WILL TURN BLANK.
I HAVE NO FUTURE, NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. I WILL BE A PRISIONER IN MY OWN HOME... WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD WANT TO LIVE LKE THIS. THE RETIREMENT JOE AND I HAD PLANND IS GONE, I MAY HAVE LOST MY BIGGEST DREAM OF HAVING M SN AND FAMILY HERE. I THINK THE BEST GIFT I CAN GIVE THEM IS TO TELL THEM JOE WILL TAKE CAREOF ME AND THEY CANSTAY IN NH AND HAVE A LIFE.
I DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN HANG ON, IF NOT FOR JOE, MY SISTER AND MY FAITH I WOULD NOT BE HERE... SERIOUSLY I WOULD LEAVE THIS PRISION THAT IS MY BRAIN. I WOULD NOT WISH THIS ON ANYONE, NOT EVEN MY WORST ENENMY, IT IS SO EASY TO GO TO SLEEP AND NOT WAKE UP BUT IT IS NOT FAIR TO THOSE I LOVE......THANK YOU FOR LISTENING LOVE YOU
MY SYMPTONS ARE GETTING WORSE, I KEEP LOSING THIS, I FORGET MY MEDS, I DRESS HALF ASSED, I AM VERY DEPRESSED AND MOST OF ALL I FEEL LOST.
MY EMOTIONS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE, IM HAPPY THEN SCREAMING. I PICK FIGHTS FOR NO REASON.
I STARTED OUT MAKING WHAT I TOUGHT WAS A JOKE ON MY DAUGHTER IN LAWS POST AND IT ENDED UP INTO A FUL BLOWN DISAGREEMENT, MEBEING THE CAUSE. SHE LOVES ME AND I TORE INTO HER, NOT FAIR.MY SON AND HE ALONG WITH MY GRANDDAUGHTER ARE SUPPOSE TO BE MOVING HERE TO FLORIDA IN A FEW MONTHS TO HELP JOE. WHENMY SON CALLED LAST NIGHT, HE TOLD ME THAT IF HIS WIFE CHOOSE NOT TO COME HERE TO HELP, HE WOULD STAY WITH HER IN NH, WHICH I UNDERSTAND SHE IS HIS WIFE. IF AT THESE EARLY STAGES, SOME OF WHICH I CANNOT EVEN UNDERSTAND, THEY CANT UNDERSTAND THEN I SEE NOT POINT IN HAVING THEM COME HERE TO LIVE. I PRAY THEY WILL VISIT SO I CAN SEE THEM BEFORE I AM GONE, BUT I CANNOT ASK THEM TO PUT THERE LIVES ON HOLD , THEY HAVE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AND A NEW LIFE TOEGHTER. THEY DO NOT NEED ME AS I AM ALWAYS VJUST GOING TO GET WORSE. I DO NOT WANT MY GRANDDAUGHTER TO SEE HAT, SHE LOVES HER PEPE JOE AND WILL ALWAYSHAVE HER.
SOME PEOPLE JOKE AS THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND AND IT IS AN EASIER WAY TO HANDLE IT. THIS I UNDERSTAND. I HAVE A SISTER, WHO WORKED WITH PTS SO SHE KNOWS BUT I HAVE 3 BROTHERS WHO LOVE ME AND MAKE ME LAUGH WITH THERE JOKES.I HAD 2 OTHER SISTERS BUT THEY ARE GONE.
WHAT PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND IS WHAT THIS IS DOING TO ME, I HAVE DEALT WITH 22 DIFFEREN SEROUS ILLNESES AND HELD MY HEAD HIGH BOUNCED BACK TILL I GET A FLAREAND I ALWAYS MAKE IT THROUGH. THE LAST BEING PNEUMONIA AND THEN A PERMANENT PORT IN M CHEST. THE THINGSI CANT DO IS FIND WHICH ROOM I NEED TO BE IN, TO SHOWER MYSELF,TO EAT,TO SLEEP OUT OF FEAR. I WILL NEVER GROW OLD WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, I WILL NEVER SEE MY GRANDAUGHTER GO TO SCHOL. I WILL NEVER GET TO SEE MY 3 OLDEST GRANDCHLDREN THAT I HAVE NOT SEEN IN 7 YRS, THEY WILL NEVER KNOW ME EXCEOT FOR THE FOUL THINGS THERE MOTHER TOLD THEN.I WONT SEE JAYDA GET MARRIED, SEE MY SON AND HIS WIFE CELEBRATE ANNIVERSERIES.IWILL DREWL, BECOME MORE IMCONTANEST AND MY BLUE EYES WILL TURN BLANK.
I HAVE NO FUTURE, NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. I WILL BE A PRISIONER IN MY OWN HOME... WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD WANT TO LIVE LKE THIS. THE RETIREMENT JOE AND I HAD PLANND IS GONE, I MAY HAVE LOST MY BIGGEST DREAM OF HAVING M SN AND FAMILY HERE. I THINK THE BEST GIFT I CAN GIVE THEM IS TO TELL THEM JOE WILL TAKE CAREOF ME AND THEY CANSTAY IN NH AND HAVE A LIFE.
I DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN HANG ON, IF NOT FOR JOE, MY SISTER AND MY FAITH I WOULD NOT BE HERE... SERIOUSLY I WOULD LEAVE THIS PRISION THAT IS MY BRAIN. I WOULD NOT WISH THIS ON ANYONE, NOT EVEN MY WORST ENENMY, IT IS SO EASY TO GO TO SLEEP AND NOT WAKE UP BUT IT IS NOT FAIR TO THOSE I LOVE......THANK YOU FOR LISTENING LOVE YOU
Thursday, January 19, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: NEW SYMPTONS
My Journey through Alhezimers: NEW SYMPTONS: ONCE AGAIN YOU WILL HAVE TO FORGIVE THE TYPOS. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED THE PAST MONTH. WELL ON THE 20TH OF D...
NEW SYMPTONS
ONCE AGAIN YOU WILL HAVE TO FORGIVE THE TYPOS. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED THE PAST MONTH.
WELL ON THE 20TH OF DEC I GOT PNEUMONIA, THE DR PUT ME ON 2 ANTIBIOTICS WITH REFILLS THEN A COUGH MEDICINE.I WAS SO SICK BUT WE ALL KNOW HOW BUSY IT CAN BE AT CHRISTMAS. I DIDENT GET DRESSED FOR WEEKS IN THE SHOWER. I WAS AFRAID.I HAVE BE ROBBED ATEN
I WAS CONFUSED, TALKING TO MYSELF MORE, BUT AFRAID OF EVERYTHING. YOU WOULD HAVE HAD TO KNOW ME, I HAVE BEEN A FIGHTER ALL MY LIFE, I HAVE BEEN A RUNAWAY SLEEPING ON BENCHES, NO FEAR, ROBBED BY GUNS, KNIVS ECT, NO FEAR.I WAS COCKY AND STRONG. NOTHING GOT ME SCARED
NOW I AM AFRAID TO GO TO THE STRORE INCASE JOE LETS GO OF THE CARRIAGE.I CRY FOR NO REASON.
WELL HAVING THE PNEUMONIA I LISTENED TO PEOPLE YELLING AT ME TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, I COULD NOT BREATH, EAT, AND THE GREEN GUNK WAS COMING FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY LUNGS.
FOR A MONTH I STAED LKE THIS, LOST 16LBS, FOUGHT JOE AND CRAIG EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. WHAT WAS WRONG I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL VERY MANY TIMES.
I COULD NOT REMEMBER WHAT I WAS DOING OR SAYING, I BECAME INCONTINAMT AGAIN CONSTANTLY.
I HAD FINALLY GAVE IN AND WENT OUT OF HERE BY PARAMETICS AS I COULD NOT BREATH. THEY ADMITTED ME RIIGHT AWAY. THEY PUT A PICC LINE IN BUT THE DR DECIDED I NEEDED SURGERY TO HAVE A PERMANANT PORT PUT IN MY CHEST.I HAVE TO GO GET IT FLUSHED ONCE A MONTH, STILL HAVE STICHES.
THE NEURO DR INCREASED MY EXCELON PATCH THEN NEXT MONTH HE IS ADDING A NEW PILL.I AM NOT ABLE TO DO ANY CLINICAL STUDIES DUE TO ALL THE OTHER DISEASE.
HE AND MY PRIMARY GAVE ME MY PROGNOSIS AND I CAN HANDLE TI BECAUSE I AM A CHRISTIAN AND I HAVE BEEN SAVED, SO I AM NOT AFRAID. I DID ASK WHAT TO TELL MY SON AND FAMILY, HE SAID TELL THEM YOU HAVE THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE AND THAT YOU WILL LIVE EACHDAY TO THE FULLEST TILL I GO HOME TO JESUS.IT IS HARD, I GET VERY DEPRESSED BUT WILL NOT TAKE ANTIDEPRESSENTS,IM ON TO MANY MEDS ALREADY, SO JOE WAITS OR ME TO STOP SCREAHMING AND THROWING THINGS , THEN HE HOLDS ME AS I FALL INTO A HEAP ON THE FLOOR CRYING SO BAD.
JOE STILL THINKS HE CAN FIX ME, DENIAL STILL, I CANT FORSE HIM TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE MY MIND WILL SOON BE GONE THEN I WILL. THE OTHER PEOPLE I WORRY ABOUT IS MY SON AND FAMILY. BUT MY SISTER LORRIE WHO IS VERY SICK AND THE LEAST BIT OF WORRY ABOUT ME MAKES HER BODY CRASH AND THE PAIN IS SO BAD I HAVE SEEN IT, SHE HAS TO CRAWL ON ALL FOURS TO GET TO BED, HER PAIN IS SO BAD.
I THINK THE WORST THING ABOUT ALZHEIMERS IS WHAT IT IS DOING TO THOSE I LOVE. I FEEL SO GUILTY ALL THE TIME. SOMETIMES I WISH JESUS WOULD TAKE ME HOME SO THEY CAN MOVE ON WITH THERE LIVES.IF ANYTHING IS GOING TO KILL ME IT IS THE GUILT I FEEL........WELL HOPE YOU CAN READ THIS I LOVE YOU ALL...... TOMORROW I AM GOING T PUT UP MU BUCKETLIST WHILE I STILL HAVE A SENCE OF HUMOR................
WELL ON THE 20TH OF DEC I GOT PNEUMONIA, THE DR PUT ME ON 2 ANTIBIOTICS WITH REFILLS THEN A COUGH MEDICINE.I WAS SO SICK BUT WE ALL KNOW HOW BUSY IT CAN BE AT CHRISTMAS. I DIDENT GET DRESSED FOR WEEKS IN THE SHOWER. I WAS AFRAID.I HAVE BE ROBBED ATEN
I WAS CONFUSED, TALKING TO MYSELF MORE, BUT AFRAID OF EVERYTHING. YOU WOULD HAVE HAD TO KNOW ME, I HAVE BEEN A FIGHTER ALL MY LIFE, I HAVE BEEN A RUNAWAY SLEEPING ON BENCHES, NO FEAR, ROBBED BY GUNS, KNIVS ECT, NO FEAR.I WAS COCKY AND STRONG. NOTHING GOT ME SCARED
NOW I AM AFRAID TO GO TO THE STRORE INCASE JOE LETS GO OF THE CARRIAGE.I CRY FOR NO REASON.
WELL HAVING THE PNEUMONIA I LISTENED TO PEOPLE YELLING AT ME TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, I COULD NOT BREATH, EAT, AND THE GREEN GUNK WAS COMING FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY LUNGS.
FOR A MONTH I STAED LKE THIS, LOST 16LBS, FOUGHT JOE AND CRAIG EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. WHAT WAS WRONG I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL VERY MANY TIMES.
I COULD NOT REMEMBER WHAT I WAS DOING OR SAYING, I BECAME INCONTINAMT AGAIN CONSTANTLY.
I HAD FINALLY GAVE IN AND WENT OUT OF HERE BY PARAMETICS AS I COULD NOT BREATH. THEY ADMITTED ME RIIGHT AWAY. THEY PUT A PICC LINE IN BUT THE DR DECIDED I NEEDED SURGERY TO HAVE A PERMANANT PORT PUT IN MY CHEST.I HAVE TO GO GET IT FLUSHED ONCE A MONTH, STILL HAVE STICHES.
THE NEURO DR INCREASED MY EXCELON PATCH THEN NEXT MONTH HE IS ADDING A NEW PILL.I AM NOT ABLE TO DO ANY CLINICAL STUDIES DUE TO ALL THE OTHER DISEASE.
HE AND MY PRIMARY GAVE ME MY PROGNOSIS AND I CAN HANDLE TI BECAUSE I AM A CHRISTIAN AND I HAVE BEEN SAVED, SO I AM NOT AFRAID. I DID ASK WHAT TO TELL MY SON AND FAMILY, HE SAID TELL THEM YOU HAVE THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE AND THAT YOU WILL LIVE EACHDAY TO THE FULLEST TILL I GO HOME TO JESUS.IT IS HARD, I GET VERY DEPRESSED BUT WILL NOT TAKE ANTIDEPRESSENTS,IM ON TO MANY MEDS ALREADY, SO JOE WAITS OR ME TO STOP SCREAHMING AND THROWING THINGS , THEN HE HOLDS ME AS I FALL INTO A HEAP ON THE FLOOR CRYING SO BAD.
JOE STILL THINKS HE CAN FIX ME, DENIAL STILL, I CANT FORSE HIM TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE MY MIND WILL SOON BE GONE THEN I WILL. THE OTHER PEOPLE I WORRY ABOUT IS MY SON AND FAMILY. BUT MY SISTER LORRIE WHO IS VERY SICK AND THE LEAST BIT OF WORRY ABOUT ME MAKES HER BODY CRASH AND THE PAIN IS SO BAD I HAVE SEEN IT, SHE HAS TO CRAWL ON ALL FOURS TO GET TO BED, HER PAIN IS SO BAD.
I THINK THE WORST THING ABOUT ALZHEIMERS IS WHAT IT IS DOING TO THOSE I LOVE. I FEEL SO GUILTY ALL THE TIME. SOMETIMES I WISH JESUS WOULD TAKE ME HOME SO THEY CAN MOVE ON WITH THERE LIVES.IF ANYTHING IS GOING TO KILL ME IT IS THE GUILT I FEEL........WELL HOPE YOU CAN READ THIS I LOVE YOU ALL...... TOMORROW I AM GOING T PUT UP MU BUCKETLIST WHILE I STILL HAVE A SENCE OF HUMOR................
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
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