I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS, NOT KNOWING EXACTLY WHEN IT WENT FROM WHAT I THOUGHT WAS FIBRO FOG TO ALZHEIMERS, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG BEFOREI AM A SHELL.
MY SYMPTONS ARE GETTING WORSE, I KEEP LOSING THIS, I FORGET MY MEDS, I DRESS HALF ASSED, I AM VERY DEPRESSED AND MOST OF ALL I FEEL LOST.
MY EMOTIONS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE, IM HAPPY THEN SCREAMING. I PICK FIGHTS FOR NO REASON.
I STARTED OUT MAKING WHAT I TOUGHT WAS A JOKE ON MY DAUGHTER IN LAWS POST AND IT ENDED UP INTO A FUL BLOWN DISAGREEMENT, MEBEING THE CAUSE. SHE LOVES ME AND I TORE INTO HER, NOT FAIR.MY SON AND HE ALONG WITH MY GRANDDAUGHTER ARE SUPPOSE TO BE MOVING HERE TO FLORIDA IN A FEW MONTHS TO HELP JOE. WHENMY SON CALLED LAST NIGHT, HE TOLD ME THAT IF HIS WIFE CHOOSE NOT TO COME HERE TO HELP, HE WOULD STAY WITH HER IN NH, WHICH I UNDERSTAND SHE IS HIS WIFE. IF AT THESE EARLY STAGES, SOME OF WHICH I CANNOT EVEN UNDERSTAND, THEY CANT UNDERSTAND THEN I SEE NOT POINT IN HAVING THEM COME HERE TO LIVE. I PRAY THEY WILL VISIT SO I CAN SEE THEM BEFORE I AM GONE, BUT I CANNOT ASK THEM TO PUT THERE LIVES ON HOLD , THEY HAVE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AND A NEW LIFE TOEGHTER. THEY DO NOT NEED ME AS I AM ALWAYS VJUST GOING TO GET WORSE. I DO NOT WANT MY GRANDDAUGHTER TO SEE HAT, SHE LOVES HER PEPE JOE AND WILL ALWAYSHAVE HER.
SOME PEOPLE JOKE AS THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND AND IT IS AN EASIER WAY TO HANDLE IT. THIS I UNDERSTAND. I HAVE A SISTER, WHO WORKED WITH PTS SO SHE KNOWS BUT I HAVE 3 BROTHERS WHO LOVE ME AND MAKE ME LAUGH WITH THERE JOKES.I HAD 2 OTHER SISTERS BUT THEY ARE GONE.
WHAT PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND IS WHAT THIS IS DOING TO ME, I HAVE DEALT WITH 22 DIFFEREN SEROUS ILLNESES AND HELD MY HEAD HIGH BOUNCED BACK TILL I GET A FLAREAND I ALWAYS MAKE IT THROUGH. THE LAST BEING PNEUMONIA AND THEN A PERMANENT PORT IN M CHEST. THE THINGSI CANT DO IS FIND WHICH ROOM I NEED TO BE IN, TO SHOWER MYSELF,TO EAT,TO SLEEP OUT OF FEAR. I WILL NEVER GROW OLD WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, I WILL NEVER SEE MY GRANDAUGHTER GO TO SCHOL. I WILL NEVER GET TO SEE MY 3 OLDEST GRANDCHLDREN THAT I HAVE NOT SEEN IN 7 YRS, THEY WILL NEVER KNOW ME EXCEOT FOR THE FOUL THINGS THERE MOTHER TOLD THEN.I WONT SEE JAYDA GET MARRIED, SEE MY SON AND HIS WIFE CELEBRATE ANNIVERSERIES.IWILL DREWL, BECOME MORE IMCONTANEST AND MY BLUE EYES WILL TURN BLANK.
I HAVE NO FUTURE, NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. I WILL BE A PRISIONER IN MY OWN HOME... WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD WANT TO LIVE LKE THIS. THE RETIREMENT JOE AND I HAD PLANND IS GONE, I MAY HAVE LOST MY BIGGEST DREAM OF HAVING M SN AND FAMILY HERE. I THINK THE BEST GIFT I CAN GIVE THEM IS TO TELL THEM JOE WILL TAKE CAREOF ME AND THEY CANSTAY IN NH AND HAVE A LIFE.
I DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN HANG ON, IF NOT FOR JOE, MY SISTER AND MY FAITH I WOULD NOT BE HERE... SERIOUSLY I WOULD LEAVE THIS PRISION THAT IS MY BRAIN. I WOULD NOT WISH THIS ON ANYONE, NOT EVEN MY WORST ENENMY, IT IS SO EASY TO GO TO SLEEP AND NOT WAKE UP BUT IT IS NOT FAIR TO THOSE I LOVE......THANK YOU FOR LISTENING LOVE YOU
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