Wednesday, January 25, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: Another new day
My Journey through Alhezimers: Another new day: Well I'm on Joe's computer, and the Dragon works on here which makes it so much easier for me. The past few days have been very hard for m...
Another new day
Well I'm on Joe's computer, and the Dragon works on here which makes it so much easier for me.
The past few days have been very hard for me. I did get to talk to a case manager at the Alhambra's foundation that gave me her name and gave me a lot of info. It is very hard for me to understand, as I have always understood the lupus fibromyalgia hat disease diabetes but this Alzheimer's is kicking my ass.
I found that the temporal lobes of your brain control emotion anger and especially fear year in fear of going out fear of being alone fear that people talking about you fear of death. I have always been a strong person and not afraid of anything or anyone.
The case manager) to explained that all of this was normal. She did state that jet when I need a support group for early onset Alzheimer's. The risen difference as early Alzheimer's progresses faster any young person. I have to learn to not be better to not question why in trying to live each day the best that I can. This is hard for me to do as I don't see when my mood changing. I have said and done things that are totally on stuff that I would not do. Now in regards to this it makes me afraid to try to do anything. I'm afraid to post I'm afraid the e-mail I'm afraid to talk to people on the phone I'm afraid to cook as I'm constantly burning myself I don't like going out in case I have an accident or a bust into tears.
So am trying to gett o learn all of the things I need to do. I need Joe to help me get my if he is in order but he I believe is in denial still and thinks he can fix me. All of my families that lost enough talk to a couple of them Make jokes makes me laugh I know I'll never see them again, as I can go anywhere by myself and I can't apply. But they know that I love them.
One of my biggest supporters is my sister Lorrie, now Lorrie and I fought all our lives growing up with 10 years apart and we didn't become friends till I turned 40. She is my best friend my confidant sorry and crying and she would do anything for me as I would for her. She's a wonderful smart cantering person who suffers with horrible pain every day of her life. But she always has time for me. The only thing I've been blessed with is that my pain seems to be under control unless I overdo or get upset and then I have a flareup. Lori goes to pain every day of her life and may have no idea out why she crawls up the stairs at seven o'clock at night to go to bed and she has little boys to take care of 10 and 12. This is affecting her horribly it's causing a lot of stress and as you know stress brings down your immune system and causes flares. So in turn that causes me guilt knowing that I am hurting the one person I totally trust besides Joe.
Now I am still trying I know I'm going to get a migraine. I'm scared I spent Monday on the hotline till I finally got a hold of a case manager. I wanted to end I thought with him about with these is that I had was the worst thing that could happen to me. I can't be a wife to Joe, I can't make love and I don't even want him to hold me because I don't feel like a person anymore. Going through this disease walking room to roam forgetting what you're looking for, beginning with the dishes are, actually forgetting why you went into the bathroom. This is a hideous disease and I hope and for a miracle but I think my miracle will come when Jesus carries me home. Well thank you for sharing this journey with me I appreciate all the support and I love you all.
To my sister Maria in case you happen to be reading my blog I do not know what happened I do not know why you shut me out I gave you everything I can since you were six years old I came to your wedding at which you totally ignored me I have baked pleaded ass demanded that we could have time to talk. It is apparent to me that you have no love in your heart. You have no compassion, understanding, and the only people you can relate to is your wife Lisa and all your animals. You have no idea how much you hurt me knowing how sick I am knowing that I will forget your name in my own name and you can find the time to talk to me. Out of the 22 different diagnosis is I have most of them arehereditary and if you love your family that you have now you should be made aware of some of the diseases that you could be carrying all come up against. I will not contact you again I said my goodbyes when I told you I love you I'm not that have begged anybody who ignores me and ignores the fact that the person that did the best they could to raise them is guided be dead in five years. I haven't called you when I read the stories about abuse and you get hurt that's none of my business that your choice. I have not talked about you at all, nor will I ever. I love you Maria I want anything from you. And I know I don't have to worry about you shedding a tear when I'm gone.
The past few days have been very hard for me. I did get to talk to a case manager at the Alhambra's foundation that gave me her name and gave me a lot of info. It is very hard for me to understand, as I have always understood the lupus fibromyalgia hat disease diabetes but this Alzheimer's is kicking my ass.
I found that the temporal lobes of your brain control emotion anger and especially fear year in fear of going out fear of being alone fear that people talking about you fear of death. I have always been a strong person and not afraid of anything or anyone.
The case manager) to explained that all of this was normal. She did state that jet when I need a support group for early onset Alzheimer's. The risen difference as early Alzheimer's progresses faster any young person. I have to learn to not be better to not question why in trying to live each day the best that I can. This is hard for me to do as I don't see when my mood changing. I have said and done things that are totally on stuff that I would not do. Now in regards to this it makes me afraid to try to do anything. I'm afraid to post I'm afraid the e-mail I'm afraid to talk to people on the phone I'm afraid to cook as I'm constantly burning myself I don't like going out in case I have an accident or a bust into tears.
So am trying to gett o learn all of the things I need to do. I need Joe to help me get my if he is in order but he I believe is in denial still and thinks he can fix me. All of my families that lost enough talk to a couple of them Make jokes makes me laugh I know I'll never see them again, as I can go anywhere by myself and I can't apply. But they know that I love them.
One of my biggest supporters is my sister Lorrie, now Lorrie and I fought all our lives growing up with 10 years apart and we didn't become friends till I turned 40. She is my best friend my confidant sorry and crying and she would do anything for me as I would for her. She's a wonderful smart cantering person who suffers with horrible pain every day of her life. But she always has time for me. The only thing I've been blessed with is that my pain seems to be under control unless I overdo or get upset and then I have a flareup. Lori goes to pain every day of her life and may have no idea out why she crawls up the stairs at seven o'clock at night to go to bed and she has little boys to take care of 10 and 12. This is affecting her horribly it's causing a lot of stress and as you know stress brings down your immune system and causes flares. So in turn that causes me guilt knowing that I am hurting the one person I totally trust besides Joe.
Now I am still trying I know I'm going to get a migraine. I'm scared I spent Monday on the hotline till I finally got a hold of a case manager. I wanted to end I thought with him about with these is that I had was the worst thing that could happen to me. I can't be a wife to Joe, I can't make love and I don't even want him to hold me because I don't feel like a person anymore. Going through this disease walking room to roam forgetting what you're looking for, beginning with the dishes are, actually forgetting why you went into the bathroom. This is a hideous disease and I hope and for a miracle but I think my miracle will come when Jesus carries me home. Well thank you for sharing this journey with me I appreciate all the support and I love you all.
To my sister Maria in case you happen to be reading my blog I do not know what happened I do not know why you shut me out I gave you everything I can since you were six years old I came to your wedding at which you totally ignored me I have baked pleaded ass demanded that we could have time to talk. It is apparent to me that you have no love in your heart. You have no compassion, understanding, and the only people you can relate to is your wife Lisa and all your animals. You have no idea how much you hurt me knowing how sick I am knowing that I will forget your name in my own name and you can find the time to talk to me. Out of the 22 different diagnosis is I have most of them arehereditary and if you love your family that you have now you should be made aware of some of the diseases that you could be carrying all come up against. I will not contact you again I said my goodbyes when I told you I love you I'm not that have begged anybody who ignores me and ignores the fact that the person that did the best they could to raise them is guided be dead in five years. I haven't called you when I read the stories about abuse and you get hurt that's none of my business that your choice. I have not talked about you at all, nor will I ever. I love you Maria I want anything from you. And I know I don't have to worry about you shedding a tear when I'm gone.
Monday, January 23, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: THIS IS A LONG JOURNEY.............
My Journey through Alhezimers: THIS IS A LONG JOURNEY.............: I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS, NOT KNOWING EXACTLY WHEN IT WENT FROM WHAT I THOUGHT WAS FIBRO FOG TO ALZ...
THIS IS A LONG JOURNEY.............
I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS, NOT KNOWING EXACTLY WHEN IT WENT FROM WHAT I THOUGHT WAS FIBRO FOG TO ALZHEIMERS, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG BEFOREI AM A SHELL.
MY SYMPTONS ARE GETTING WORSE, I KEEP LOSING THIS, I FORGET MY MEDS, I DRESS HALF ASSED, I AM VERY DEPRESSED AND MOST OF ALL I FEEL LOST.
MY EMOTIONS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE, IM HAPPY THEN SCREAMING. I PICK FIGHTS FOR NO REASON.
I STARTED OUT MAKING WHAT I TOUGHT WAS A JOKE ON MY DAUGHTER IN LAWS POST AND IT ENDED UP INTO A FUL BLOWN DISAGREEMENT, MEBEING THE CAUSE. SHE LOVES ME AND I TORE INTO HER, NOT FAIR.MY SON AND HE ALONG WITH MY GRANDDAUGHTER ARE SUPPOSE TO BE MOVING HERE TO FLORIDA IN A FEW MONTHS TO HELP JOE. WHENMY SON CALLED LAST NIGHT, HE TOLD ME THAT IF HIS WIFE CHOOSE NOT TO COME HERE TO HELP, HE WOULD STAY WITH HER IN NH, WHICH I UNDERSTAND SHE IS HIS WIFE. IF AT THESE EARLY STAGES, SOME OF WHICH I CANNOT EVEN UNDERSTAND, THEY CANT UNDERSTAND THEN I SEE NOT POINT IN HAVING THEM COME HERE TO LIVE. I PRAY THEY WILL VISIT SO I CAN SEE THEM BEFORE I AM GONE, BUT I CANNOT ASK THEM TO PUT THERE LIVES ON HOLD , THEY HAVE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AND A NEW LIFE TOEGHTER. THEY DO NOT NEED ME AS I AM ALWAYS VJUST GOING TO GET WORSE. I DO NOT WANT MY GRANDDAUGHTER TO SEE HAT, SHE LOVES HER PEPE JOE AND WILL ALWAYSHAVE HER.
SOME PEOPLE JOKE AS THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND AND IT IS AN EASIER WAY TO HANDLE IT. THIS I UNDERSTAND. I HAVE A SISTER, WHO WORKED WITH PTS SO SHE KNOWS BUT I HAVE 3 BROTHERS WHO LOVE ME AND MAKE ME LAUGH WITH THERE JOKES.I HAD 2 OTHER SISTERS BUT THEY ARE GONE.
WHAT PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND IS WHAT THIS IS DOING TO ME, I HAVE DEALT WITH 22 DIFFEREN SEROUS ILLNESES AND HELD MY HEAD HIGH BOUNCED BACK TILL I GET A FLAREAND I ALWAYS MAKE IT THROUGH. THE LAST BEING PNEUMONIA AND THEN A PERMANENT PORT IN M CHEST. THE THINGSI CANT DO IS FIND WHICH ROOM I NEED TO BE IN, TO SHOWER MYSELF,TO EAT,TO SLEEP OUT OF FEAR. I WILL NEVER GROW OLD WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, I WILL NEVER SEE MY GRANDAUGHTER GO TO SCHOL. I WILL NEVER GET TO SEE MY 3 OLDEST GRANDCHLDREN THAT I HAVE NOT SEEN IN 7 YRS, THEY WILL NEVER KNOW ME EXCEOT FOR THE FOUL THINGS THERE MOTHER TOLD THEN.I WONT SEE JAYDA GET MARRIED, SEE MY SON AND HIS WIFE CELEBRATE ANNIVERSERIES.IWILL DREWL, BECOME MORE IMCONTANEST AND MY BLUE EYES WILL TURN BLANK.
I HAVE NO FUTURE, NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. I WILL BE A PRISIONER IN MY OWN HOME... WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD WANT TO LIVE LKE THIS. THE RETIREMENT JOE AND I HAD PLANND IS GONE, I MAY HAVE LOST MY BIGGEST DREAM OF HAVING M SN AND FAMILY HERE. I THINK THE BEST GIFT I CAN GIVE THEM IS TO TELL THEM JOE WILL TAKE CAREOF ME AND THEY CANSTAY IN NH AND HAVE A LIFE.
I DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN HANG ON, IF NOT FOR JOE, MY SISTER AND MY FAITH I WOULD NOT BE HERE... SERIOUSLY I WOULD LEAVE THIS PRISION THAT IS MY BRAIN. I WOULD NOT WISH THIS ON ANYONE, NOT EVEN MY WORST ENENMY, IT IS SO EASY TO GO TO SLEEP AND NOT WAKE UP BUT IT IS NOT FAIR TO THOSE I LOVE......THANK YOU FOR LISTENING LOVE YOU
MY SYMPTONS ARE GETTING WORSE, I KEEP LOSING THIS, I FORGET MY MEDS, I DRESS HALF ASSED, I AM VERY DEPRESSED AND MOST OF ALL I FEEL LOST.
MY EMOTIONS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE, IM HAPPY THEN SCREAMING. I PICK FIGHTS FOR NO REASON.
I STARTED OUT MAKING WHAT I TOUGHT WAS A JOKE ON MY DAUGHTER IN LAWS POST AND IT ENDED UP INTO A FUL BLOWN DISAGREEMENT, MEBEING THE CAUSE. SHE LOVES ME AND I TORE INTO HER, NOT FAIR.MY SON AND HE ALONG WITH MY GRANDDAUGHTER ARE SUPPOSE TO BE MOVING HERE TO FLORIDA IN A FEW MONTHS TO HELP JOE. WHENMY SON CALLED LAST NIGHT, HE TOLD ME THAT IF HIS WIFE CHOOSE NOT TO COME HERE TO HELP, HE WOULD STAY WITH HER IN NH, WHICH I UNDERSTAND SHE IS HIS WIFE. IF AT THESE EARLY STAGES, SOME OF WHICH I CANNOT EVEN UNDERSTAND, THEY CANT UNDERSTAND THEN I SEE NOT POINT IN HAVING THEM COME HERE TO LIVE. I PRAY THEY WILL VISIT SO I CAN SEE THEM BEFORE I AM GONE, BUT I CANNOT ASK THEM TO PUT THERE LIVES ON HOLD , THEY HAVE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AND A NEW LIFE TOEGHTER. THEY DO NOT NEED ME AS I AM ALWAYS VJUST GOING TO GET WORSE. I DO NOT WANT MY GRANDDAUGHTER TO SEE HAT, SHE LOVES HER PEPE JOE AND WILL ALWAYSHAVE HER.
SOME PEOPLE JOKE AS THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND AND IT IS AN EASIER WAY TO HANDLE IT. THIS I UNDERSTAND. I HAVE A SISTER, WHO WORKED WITH PTS SO SHE KNOWS BUT I HAVE 3 BROTHERS WHO LOVE ME AND MAKE ME LAUGH WITH THERE JOKES.I HAD 2 OTHER SISTERS BUT THEY ARE GONE.
WHAT PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND IS WHAT THIS IS DOING TO ME, I HAVE DEALT WITH 22 DIFFEREN SEROUS ILLNESES AND HELD MY HEAD HIGH BOUNCED BACK TILL I GET A FLAREAND I ALWAYS MAKE IT THROUGH. THE LAST BEING PNEUMONIA AND THEN A PERMANENT PORT IN M CHEST. THE THINGSI CANT DO IS FIND WHICH ROOM I NEED TO BE IN, TO SHOWER MYSELF,TO EAT,TO SLEEP OUT OF FEAR. I WILL NEVER GROW OLD WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, I WILL NEVER SEE MY GRANDAUGHTER GO TO SCHOL. I WILL NEVER GET TO SEE MY 3 OLDEST GRANDCHLDREN THAT I HAVE NOT SEEN IN 7 YRS, THEY WILL NEVER KNOW ME EXCEOT FOR THE FOUL THINGS THERE MOTHER TOLD THEN.I WONT SEE JAYDA GET MARRIED, SEE MY SON AND HIS WIFE CELEBRATE ANNIVERSERIES.IWILL DREWL, BECOME MORE IMCONTANEST AND MY BLUE EYES WILL TURN BLANK.
I HAVE NO FUTURE, NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. I WILL BE A PRISIONER IN MY OWN HOME... WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD WANT TO LIVE LKE THIS. THE RETIREMENT JOE AND I HAD PLANND IS GONE, I MAY HAVE LOST MY BIGGEST DREAM OF HAVING M SN AND FAMILY HERE. I THINK THE BEST GIFT I CAN GIVE THEM IS TO TELL THEM JOE WILL TAKE CAREOF ME AND THEY CANSTAY IN NH AND HAVE A LIFE.
I DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN HANG ON, IF NOT FOR JOE, MY SISTER AND MY FAITH I WOULD NOT BE HERE... SERIOUSLY I WOULD LEAVE THIS PRISION THAT IS MY BRAIN. I WOULD NOT WISH THIS ON ANYONE, NOT EVEN MY WORST ENENMY, IT IS SO EASY TO GO TO SLEEP AND NOT WAKE UP BUT IT IS NOT FAIR TO THOSE I LOVE......THANK YOU FOR LISTENING LOVE YOU
Thursday, January 19, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: NEW SYMPTONS
My Journey through Alhezimers: NEW SYMPTONS: ONCE AGAIN YOU WILL HAVE TO FORGIVE THE TYPOS. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED THE PAST MONTH. WELL ON THE 20TH OF D...
NEW SYMPTONS
ONCE AGAIN YOU WILL HAVE TO FORGIVE THE TYPOS. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED THE PAST MONTH.
WELL ON THE 20TH OF DEC I GOT PNEUMONIA, THE DR PUT ME ON 2 ANTIBIOTICS WITH REFILLS THEN A COUGH MEDICINE.I WAS SO SICK BUT WE ALL KNOW HOW BUSY IT CAN BE AT CHRISTMAS. I DIDENT GET DRESSED FOR WEEKS IN THE SHOWER. I WAS AFRAID.I HAVE BE ROBBED ATEN
I WAS CONFUSED, TALKING TO MYSELF MORE, BUT AFRAID OF EVERYTHING. YOU WOULD HAVE HAD TO KNOW ME, I HAVE BEEN A FIGHTER ALL MY LIFE, I HAVE BEEN A RUNAWAY SLEEPING ON BENCHES, NO FEAR, ROBBED BY GUNS, KNIVS ECT, NO FEAR.I WAS COCKY AND STRONG. NOTHING GOT ME SCARED
NOW I AM AFRAID TO GO TO THE STRORE INCASE JOE LETS GO OF THE CARRIAGE.I CRY FOR NO REASON.
WELL HAVING THE PNEUMONIA I LISTENED TO PEOPLE YELLING AT ME TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, I COULD NOT BREATH, EAT, AND THE GREEN GUNK WAS COMING FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY LUNGS.
FOR A MONTH I STAED LKE THIS, LOST 16LBS, FOUGHT JOE AND CRAIG EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. WHAT WAS WRONG I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL VERY MANY TIMES.
I COULD NOT REMEMBER WHAT I WAS DOING OR SAYING, I BECAME INCONTINAMT AGAIN CONSTANTLY.
I HAD FINALLY GAVE IN AND WENT OUT OF HERE BY PARAMETICS AS I COULD NOT BREATH. THEY ADMITTED ME RIIGHT AWAY. THEY PUT A PICC LINE IN BUT THE DR DECIDED I NEEDED SURGERY TO HAVE A PERMANANT PORT PUT IN MY CHEST.I HAVE TO GO GET IT FLUSHED ONCE A MONTH, STILL HAVE STICHES.
THE NEURO DR INCREASED MY EXCELON PATCH THEN NEXT MONTH HE IS ADDING A NEW PILL.I AM NOT ABLE TO DO ANY CLINICAL STUDIES DUE TO ALL THE OTHER DISEASE.
HE AND MY PRIMARY GAVE ME MY PROGNOSIS AND I CAN HANDLE TI BECAUSE I AM A CHRISTIAN AND I HAVE BEEN SAVED, SO I AM NOT AFRAID. I DID ASK WHAT TO TELL MY SON AND FAMILY, HE SAID TELL THEM YOU HAVE THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE AND THAT YOU WILL LIVE EACHDAY TO THE FULLEST TILL I GO HOME TO JESUS.IT IS HARD, I GET VERY DEPRESSED BUT WILL NOT TAKE ANTIDEPRESSENTS,IM ON TO MANY MEDS ALREADY, SO JOE WAITS OR ME TO STOP SCREAHMING AND THROWING THINGS , THEN HE HOLDS ME AS I FALL INTO A HEAP ON THE FLOOR CRYING SO BAD.
JOE STILL THINKS HE CAN FIX ME, DENIAL STILL, I CANT FORSE HIM TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE MY MIND WILL SOON BE GONE THEN I WILL. THE OTHER PEOPLE I WORRY ABOUT IS MY SON AND FAMILY. BUT MY SISTER LORRIE WHO IS VERY SICK AND THE LEAST BIT OF WORRY ABOUT ME MAKES HER BODY CRASH AND THE PAIN IS SO BAD I HAVE SEEN IT, SHE HAS TO CRAWL ON ALL FOURS TO GET TO BED, HER PAIN IS SO BAD.
I THINK THE WORST THING ABOUT ALZHEIMERS IS WHAT IT IS DOING TO THOSE I LOVE. I FEEL SO GUILTY ALL THE TIME. SOMETIMES I WISH JESUS WOULD TAKE ME HOME SO THEY CAN MOVE ON WITH THERE LIVES.IF ANYTHING IS GOING TO KILL ME IT IS THE GUILT I FEEL........WELL HOPE YOU CAN READ THIS I LOVE YOU ALL...... TOMORROW I AM GOING T PUT UP MU BUCKETLIST WHILE I STILL HAVE A SENCE OF HUMOR................
WELL ON THE 20TH OF DEC I GOT PNEUMONIA, THE DR PUT ME ON 2 ANTIBIOTICS WITH REFILLS THEN A COUGH MEDICINE.I WAS SO SICK BUT WE ALL KNOW HOW BUSY IT CAN BE AT CHRISTMAS. I DIDENT GET DRESSED FOR WEEKS IN THE SHOWER. I WAS AFRAID.I HAVE BE ROBBED ATEN
I WAS CONFUSED, TALKING TO MYSELF MORE, BUT AFRAID OF EVERYTHING. YOU WOULD HAVE HAD TO KNOW ME, I HAVE BEEN A FIGHTER ALL MY LIFE, I HAVE BEEN A RUNAWAY SLEEPING ON BENCHES, NO FEAR, ROBBED BY GUNS, KNIVS ECT, NO FEAR.I WAS COCKY AND STRONG. NOTHING GOT ME SCARED
NOW I AM AFRAID TO GO TO THE STRORE INCASE JOE LETS GO OF THE CARRIAGE.I CRY FOR NO REASON.
WELL HAVING THE PNEUMONIA I LISTENED TO PEOPLE YELLING AT ME TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, I COULD NOT BREATH, EAT, AND THE GREEN GUNK WAS COMING FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY LUNGS.
FOR A MONTH I STAED LKE THIS, LOST 16LBS, FOUGHT JOE AND CRAIG EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. WHAT WAS WRONG I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL VERY MANY TIMES.
I COULD NOT REMEMBER WHAT I WAS DOING OR SAYING, I BECAME INCONTINAMT AGAIN CONSTANTLY.
I HAD FINALLY GAVE IN AND WENT OUT OF HERE BY PARAMETICS AS I COULD NOT BREATH. THEY ADMITTED ME RIIGHT AWAY. THEY PUT A PICC LINE IN BUT THE DR DECIDED I NEEDED SURGERY TO HAVE A PERMANANT PORT PUT IN MY CHEST.I HAVE TO GO GET IT FLUSHED ONCE A MONTH, STILL HAVE STICHES.
THE NEURO DR INCREASED MY EXCELON PATCH THEN NEXT MONTH HE IS ADDING A NEW PILL.I AM NOT ABLE TO DO ANY CLINICAL STUDIES DUE TO ALL THE OTHER DISEASE.
HE AND MY PRIMARY GAVE ME MY PROGNOSIS AND I CAN HANDLE TI BECAUSE I AM A CHRISTIAN AND I HAVE BEEN SAVED, SO I AM NOT AFRAID. I DID ASK WHAT TO TELL MY SON AND FAMILY, HE SAID TELL THEM YOU HAVE THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE AND THAT YOU WILL LIVE EACHDAY TO THE FULLEST TILL I GO HOME TO JESUS.IT IS HARD, I GET VERY DEPRESSED BUT WILL NOT TAKE ANTIDEPRESSENTS,IM ON TO MANY MEDS ALREADY, SO JOE WAITS OR ME TO STOP SCREAHMING AND THROWING THINGS , THEN HE HOLDS ME AS I FALL INTO A HEAP ON THE FLOOR CRYING SO BAD.
JOE STILL THINKS HE CAN FIX ME, DENIAL STILL, I CANT FORSE HIM TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE MY MIND WILL SOON BE GONE THEN I WILL. THE OTHER PEOPLE I WORRY ABOUT IS MY SON AND FAMILY. BUT MY SISTER LORRIE WHO IS VERY SICK AND THE LEAST BIT OF WORRY ABOUT ME MAKES HER BODY CRASH AND THE PAIN IS SO BAD I HAVE SEEN IT, SHE HAS TO CRAWL ON ALL FOURS TO GET TO BED, HER PAIN IS SO BAD.
I THINK THE WORST THING ABOUT ALZHEIMERS IS WHAT IT IS DOING TO THOSE I LOVE. I FEEL SO GUILTY ALL THE TIME. SOMETIMES I WISH JESUS WOULD TAKE ME HOME SO THEY CAN MOVE ON WITH THERE LIVES.IF ANYTHING IS GOING TO KILL ME IT IS THE GUILT I FEEL........WELL HOPE YOU CAN READ THIS I LOVE YOU ALL...... TOMORROW I AM GOING T PUT UP MU BUCKETLIST WHILE I STILL HAVE A SENCE OF HUMOR................
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
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