NEW SYMPTONS

ONCE AGAIN YOU WILL HAVE TO FORGIVE THE TYPOS. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED THE PAST MONTH.
     WELL ON THE 20TH OF DEC I GOT PNEUMONIA, THE DR PUT ME ON 2 ANTIBIOTICS WITH REFILLS THEN A COUGH  MEDICINE.I WAS SO SICK BUT WE ALL KNOW HOW BUSY IT CAN BE AT CHRISTMAS. I DIDENT GET DRESSED FOR WEEKS IN THE SHOWER. I WAS AFRAID.I HAVE BE ROBBED ATEN
           I WAS CONFUSED, TALKING TO MYSELF MORE, BUT  AFRAID OF EVERYTHING. YOU WOULD HAVE HAD TO KNOW ME, I HAVE BEEN A FIGHTER ALL MY LIFE, I HAVE BEEN A RUNAWAY SLEEPING ON BENCHES, NO FEAR, ROBBED BY GUNS, KNIVS ECT, NO FEAR.I WAS COCKY AND STRONG. NOTHING GOT ME SCARED
            NOW I AM AFRAID TO GO TO THE STRORE INCASE JOE LETS GO OF THE CARRIAGE.I CRY FOR NO REASON.
      WELL HAVING THE PNEUMONIA I LISTENED TO PEOPLE YELLING AT ME TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, I COULD NOT BREATH, EAT, AND THE GREEN GUNK WAS COMING FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY LUNGS.
             FOR A MONTH I STAED LKE THIS, LOST 16LBS, FOUGHT JOE AND CRAIG EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. WHAT WAS WRONG I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL VERY MANY TIMES.
            I COULD NOT REMEMBER WHAT I WAS DOING OR SAYING, I BECAME INCONTINAMT AGAIN CONSTANTLY.
            I HAD FINALLY GAVE IN AND WENT OUT OF HERE BY PARAMETICS AS I COULD NOT BREATH. THEY ADMITTED ME RIIGHT AWAY. THEY PUT A PICC LINE IN BUT THE DR DECIDED I NEEDED SURGERY TO HAVE A PERMANANT PORT PUT IN MY CHEST.I HAVE TO GO GET IT FLUSHED ONCE A MONTH, STILL HAVE STICHES.
          THE NEURO DR INCREASED MY EXCELON PATCH THEN NEXT MONTH HE IS ADDING A NEW PILL.I AM NOT ABLE TO DO ANY CLINICAL STUDIES DUE TO ALL THE OTHER DISEASE.
         HE AND MY PRIMARY GAVE ME MY PROGNOSIS AND I CAN HANDLE TI BECAUSE I AM A CHRISTIAN AND I HAVE BEEN SAVED, SO I AM NOT AFRAID. I DID ASK WHAT TO TELL MY SON AND FAMILY, HE SAID TELL THEM YOU HAVE THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE AND THAT YOU WILL LIVE EACHDAY TO THE FULLEST TILL I GO HOME TO JESUS.IT IS HARD, I GET VERY DEPRESSED BUT WILL NOT TAKE ANTIDEPRESSENTS,IM ON TO MANY MEDS ALREADY, SO JOE WAITS OR ME TO STOP SCREAHMING AND THROWING THINGS , THEN HE HOLDS ME AS I FALL INTO A HEAP ON THE FLOOR CRYING SO BAD.
                JOE STILL THINKS HE CAN FIX ME, DENIAL STILL, I CANT FORSE HIM TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE MY MIND WILL SOON BE GONE THEN I WILL. THE OTHER PEOPLE I WORRY ABOUT IS MY SON AND FAMILY. BUT MY SISTER LORRIE WHO IS VERY SICK AND THE LEAST BIT OF WORRY ABOUT ME MAKES HER BODY CRASH AND THE PAIN IS SO BAD I HAVE SEEN IT, SHE HAS TO CRAWL ON ALL FOURS TO GET TO BED, HER PAIN IS SO BAD.
              I THINK THE WORST THING ABOUT ALZHEIMERS IS WHAT IT IS DOING TO THOSE I LOVE. I  FEEL SO GUILTY ALL THE TIME. SOMETIMES I WISH JESUS WOULD TAKE ME HOME SO THEY CAN MOVE ON WITH THERE LIVES.IF ANYTHING IS GOING TO KILL ME IT IS THE GUILT I FEEL........WELL HOPE YOU CAN READ THIS I LOVE YOU ALL...... TOMORROW I AM GOING T PUT UP MU BUCKETLIST WHILE I STILL HAVE A SENCE OF HUMOR................