Friday, September 14, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: just my rant !!!!
My Journey through Alhezimers: just my rant !!!!: Well today this is me, I cancelled my treatment last night and this am as i was riding the porcelion bus.. these meds are making me so sic...
just my rant !!!!
I just got off the phone with my sister lorrie aka lorrie slattery, you should add her to your facebook, she has fibro and alot of other problems with chronic pain ,but she always has time for me, she is my sister and best friend so please add her, our fb family would help her greatly and also if im in the hospital, she has all the info she is my power of attorney.I love her so much, she just hears my voice and knows when something is wrong. today I think I am feeling sorry for myself,I hate being so isolated from ym sister, my son and grandchildren and my daughter in law. my modd makes me sound angry all the time and my words come out wrong and I sond like a bitch. You all know me I am really kind and gentle, and love you all so much.But right now im all swollen, I can hardly walk, the pain is awful, i cannot shower this is my second month , sponge baths only. Joe took me for a pedicure, manicure and to get my hair cut which I appreciate so much but it does not change me on the inside. I do not know if I can keep up this fight. My words hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt and that is my daughter in law Candy, I thought we were so close and I was trying to be the right kinda mother in law but I failed, i give advice when it is not wanted, i send my love which is not believed. She was comng down to help me for a few moths but I could tell after our last conversation, thats the last thing she wanted to do. lord why do i do that, i only give advice to help her and my grandchildren, i do not get involved in their marriage, thats between them, so now i lost a daughter and it hurts bad, like my heart was ripped out. i get to talk to my granddaughters which is good but i may never see them again before i die and that scares me. I know i will see my son, the love of my lfe, the one who will always stand by me and if he could he would be here in a flash to help Joe.My heart is broken over something stupid ................ I love you Candy and would never compare you to anyone else. You are kind, loving and so loving you get hurt by people and I try to prevent that.
As for my alzheimers, m on namenda, i do need nt to get upset because that affects your memory also. Everytime i get upset i forget things more and thats not good. The dementia will come alot faster if i do not watch it.
Well I love my family so far away and I love you al from all over the world i get support , prayers and love........................... you mean the world to me.so please add lorrie slattery to the groups and friends. I love you all just needed to vent , time to go back to bed .............
Monday, July 16, 2012
Update
A good morning everyone.
I'm just going to wing it here. First off I did one let you know that the last neurologist who has a mental health background, had decided that since I was depressed that I did not have Alzheimer's. When I told my primary what she had said she hit the roof. The report clearly stated that I had severe hypo-metabolic atrophy of the bilateral temporal lobes consistent with early Alzheimer's. My primary is demanding all the consults and has started me back on the Alzheimer's meds. Although Alzheimer's will not kill me the dementia will soo start setting in.Now I remember when I called my sister Lori that I was so excited that it didn't have Alzheimer's and I was just depressed she was doubtful, she had seen my behavior and she knew something was wrong. Most of you know me, a lot of me know me well and have listened to my rants. For those that don't know me I have lupus, fibromyalgia, primary clotting disorders orders plural, diabetes vascular disease . I'm really angry that it took me 20 years to get diagnosed with lupus it was all in my head, then it took five years to get diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Then it took a coma and life support for six days to determine I was diabetic. I have made it a point in the past 10 years never to tell any Dr. that have had any type of depression or PTSD as you are then dismissed there is close they sign you of you put out with the trash. The fact remains I'm not anodyne five years I like a lot of us will die when it's time for Jesus to take us home to heal us.
Anothe thing is I am getting so sick of being judged by the pain medication I take. With the new narcotics laws in place in most states do they really think that my primary would risk his license given me medication I don't need. Another thing you judged on. Why do you take those meds, that's too much medicine, fact is it's nobody's business.
The way I'm feeling right now is we need more awareness we need to screa at the top of our lungs to fight for our rights to be heard and to be seen. Okay now I'm ranting this one more thing that concerns me a lot of people do not have health care, family, and friends to help them I think it would be great to appoint someone from one of our groups to start a fund to help people that are in great need and suffering like of. I know a lot of us are on disability in the water of the poor but between all of us that thousands of us one dollar can make a difference I think that's something we should explore in the future actually I think that we could vote on a administrator to start this project okay one more paragraph and this isnot going to be a pleasant one
For those of you that look through us, that do no see our pain, that have abandoned u when we have to keep turning down engagements or can't get dressed to go out and if I hear one more time you don't look sick I swear I am going to lose it. To those doctors friends family and those who don't believe that w are sick, I will ask Jesus for forgiveness for this but to those of you who have hurt us........ you can just kiss my ASP. I love you all never forget it.
I'm just going to wing it here. First off I did one let you know that the last neurologist who has a mental health background, had decided that since I was depressed that I did not have Alzheimer's. When I told my primary what she had said she hit the roof. The report clearly stated that I had severe hypo-metabolic atrophy of the bilateral temporal lobes consistent with early Alzheimer's. My primary is demanding all the consults and has started me back on the Alzheimer's meds. Although Alzheimer's will not kill me the dementia will soo start setting in.Now I remember when I called my sister Lori that I was so excited that it didn't have Alzheimer's and I was just depressed she was doubtful, she had seen my behavior and she knew something was wrong. Most of you know me, a lot of me know me well and have listened to my rants. For those that don't know me I have lupus, fibromyalgia, primary clotting disorders orders plural, diabetes vascular disease . I'm really angry that it took me 20 years to get diagnosed with lupus it was all in my head, then it took five years to get diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Then it took a coma and life support for six days to determine I was diabetic. I have made it a point in the past 10 years never to tell any Dr. that have had any type of depression or PTSD as you are then dismissed there is close they sign you of you put out with the trash. The fact remains I'm not anodyne five years I like a lot of us will die when it's time for Jesus to take us home to heal us.
Anothe thing is I am getting so sick of being judged by the pain medication I take. With the new narcotics laws in place in most states do they really think that my primary would risk his license given me medication I don't need. Another thing you judged on. Why do you take those meds, that's too much medicine, fact is it's nobody's business.
The way I'm feeling right now is we need more awareness we need to screa at the top of our lungs to fight for our rights to be heard and to be seen. Okay now I'm ranting this one more thing that concerns me a lot of people do not have health care, family, and friends to help them I think it would be great to appoint someone from one of our groups to start a fund to help people that are in great need and suffering like of. I know a lot of us are on disability in the water of the poor but between all of us that thousands of us one dollar can make a difference I think that's something we should explore in the future actually I think that we could vote on a administrator to start this project okay one more paragraph and this isnot going to be a pleasant one
For those of you that look through us, that do no see our pain, that have abandoned u when we have to keep turning down engagements or can't get dressed to go out and if I hear one more time you don't look sick I swear I am going to lose it. To those doctors friends family and those who don't believe that w are sick, I will ask Jesus for forgiveness for this but to those of you who have hurt us........ you can just kiss my ASP. I love you all never forget it.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
This is my final blog
Hello everyone,
I know all of you have been worried about me. I got a call from Rena and she told me how were you all were. Well I had my last appointment with my neurologist and I'm still on the Namenda but this is the good news apparently the damage that's been done to my brain will take 30 years to affect me in the way Alzheimer's does. They tell me that my primary doctor not being educated in Alzheimer's had no business telling me that I had five years to live a five-year to my brain was completely gone and to get my affairs in daughter etc. etc. etc. He thought he was doing the right thing he was doing the wrong thing. For so many months I've gotten more more anxious more more down in afraid to leave the house. I've stopped going to church talking to friends going on my computer as you know.
Apparently my memory loss in my anxiety and forgetfulness has all gotten worse due to a deep depression and anxiety over the illnesses I already do have. Something traded it and they believe it was either me being in a coma for a week two years ago or my sister suicide. They tell me when you're under stress your anxiety goes up and when you're chronically ill like we all are then you get depressed now I had already agreed to Prozac were John was on the mound and it helped but this still a long way to go I'm still depressed I'm very anxious she wants me to do cognitive reasoning exercises and keep my memory shop. There is a big relief knowing that I am not going to die in five years. That's huge for me I'm so excited to know that I should not feel the effects of the Alzheimer's for many years to come. Needless to say Joe was very excited and we believe this Dr.
My sister Lori does not believe this Dr. although she wishes it was true that it's depression and anxiety she's been around me and she feels that it's the Alzheimer's. Bottom line is my dear sisters that I'm not going to worry about it I'm going to deal with my life day by day I went to get back on the computer and talk to you all my favorite people. This week Joe's on vacation and we have babysit not grant son Dominic which has forced me to leave the house and I'm actually doing okay with that.
So I'm looking forward to moving on with my life and I want to thank you all for all your prayers concern love and I'm really relieved to know that I will be a member of the Lupus family for the rest of my life as I still will have a functioning brain. Joan I appreciate you all so much and things will get really bad here with my mood swings but I promise that we will both be on an answer any questions that you have. We love you all and can't wait to talk to you.
God bless you all,
Donnalynn
I know all of you have been worried about me. I got a call from Rena and she told me how were you all were. Well I had my last appointment with my neurologist and I'm still on the Namenda but this is the good news apparently the damage that's been done to my brain will take 30 years to affect me in the way Alzheimer's does. They tell me that my primary doctor not being educated in Alzheimer's had no business telling me that I had five years to live a five-year to my brain was completely gone and to get my affairs in daughter etc. etc. etc. He thought he was doing the right thing he was doing the wrong thing. For so many months I've gotten more more anxious more more down in afraid to leave the house. I've stopped going to church talking to friends going on my computer as you know.
Apparently my memory loss in my anxiety and forgetfulness has all gotten worse due to a deep depression and anxiety over the illnesses I already do have. Something traded it and they believe it was either me being in a coma for a week two years ago or my sister suicide. They tell me when you're under stress your anxiety goes up and when you're chronically ill like we all are then you get depressed now I had already agreed to Prozac were John was on the mound and it helped but this still a long way to go I'm still depressed I'm very anxious she wants me to do cognitive reasoning exercises and keep my memory shop. There is a big relief knowing that I am not going to die in five years. That's huge for me I'm so excited to know that I should not feel the effects of the Alzheimer's for many years to come. Needless to say Joe was very excited and we believe this Dr.
My sister Lori does not believe this Dr. although she wishes it was true that it's depression and anxiety she's been around me and she feels that it's the Alzheimer's. Bottom line is my dear sisters that I'm not going to worry about it I'm going to deal with my life day by day I went to get back on the computer and talk to you all my favorite people. This week Joe's on vacation and we have babysit not grant son Dominic which has forced me to leave the house and I'm actually doing okay with that.
So I'm looking forward to moving on with my life and I want to thank you all for all your prayers concern love and I'm really relieved to know that I will be a member of the Lupus family for the rest of my life as I still will have a functioning brain. Joan I appreciate you all so much and things will get really bad here with my mood swings but I promise that we will both be on an answer any questions that you have. We love you all and can't wait to talk to you.
God bless you all,
Donnalynn
Sunday, March 4, 2012
I am so lost
I am so lost at this minute. I slept till moon tonight which is very unusual for me I missed church I don't know if it's because my sisters on or they started the new Alzheimer's medicine and make me tired.
I nondepressed I mean who wants to live like this I just want to go to the store were Joe and I looked at the bags under my eyes when I was getting dressed put makeup on and I got so upset Joe went to the store by himself. I know he likes to go by himself because of my panic attacks and I slowing down, but I do not believe that he should take on all the weight around here. I get so afraid to go outside I'm afraid to state church around people your new place I feel comfortable is with you all talk and him my Facebook. I don't know if it's as you can see me are I have a different perception of what I look like I used to consider myself strong beautiful cocky yes I was a bitch I always got what I wanted no matter the cost. But now I'm afraid of everything and I don't know why. It's
Now I know Joe's got support groups coming up this week's I have to go the doctors also Tuesday to find out why I have to wear depends YM had diarrhea for six months. I've tried diet I've tried everything obviously nothing works. But one thing that bothers me the most is that I don't feel sexy I don't feel like you want to be intimate Joe needs that would've always had a very active sex life and now we have none of tried and I just can't do it. Hours afraid an accident on the happen or because my breathe and I get a migraine and in her an intern that hurts Joe and he stopped and holds me well I cry.
I'm trying to live day by day, I'm trying not to think of my prognosis which is four years now. I'm not afraid died cause I know that I will be healed and I will be with Jesus but I
I nondepressed I mean who wants to live like this I just want to go to the store were Joe and I looked at the bags under my eyes when I was getting dressed put makeup on and I got so upset Joe went to the store by himself. I know he likes to go by himself because of my panic attacks and I slowing down, but I do not believe that he should take on all the weight around here. I get so afraid to go outside I'm afraid to state church around people your new place I feel comfortable is with you all talk and him my Facebook. I don't know if it's as you can see me are I have a different perception of what I look like I used to consider myself strong beautiful cocky yes I was a bitch I always got what I wanted no matter the cost. But now I'm afraid of everything and I don't know why. It's
Now I know Joe's got support groups coming up this week's I have to go the doctors also Tuesday to find out why I have to wear depends YM had diarrhea for six months. I've tried diet I've tried everything obviously nothing works. But one thing that bothers me the most is that I don't feel sexy I don't feel like you want to be intimate Joe needs that would've always had a very active sex life and now we have none of tried and I just can't do it. Hours afraid an accident on the happen or because my breathe and I get a migraine and in her an intern that hurts Joe and he stopped and holds me well I cry.
I'm trying to live day by day, I'm trying not to think of my prognosis which is four years now. I'm not afraid died cause I know that I will be healed and I will be with Jesus but I
My Journey through Alhezimers: A horrible day!!! I can't live like this
My Journey through Alhezimers: A horrible day!!! I can't live like this: WellI I already tried to write this in the disappeared. My sister left yesterday I Mr. horribly she's my health care proxy my best friend my...
A horrible day!!! I can't live like this
WellI I already tried to write this in the disappeared. My sister left yesterday I Mr. horribly she's my health care proxy my best friend my confidant and my only sister.
I slept till noon today which is unusual for me and I don't know if it is the new Alzheimer's meds that I started two days ago glass med they can start me on. I know that I'm suffering from depression and I know the longer you dig the hole in and climbed down into it harder it is to climb back out. I did look from start me on Prozac but that takes two weeks I guess to make you feel better. I wonder why I'm on this earth at all I don't want to be better nonleague Joe I would love just not take my meds all 23 pills and just let nature take its course but I can't do that to such a loving caring person and it's selfish.
Not Joe just went to Walmart on his list she's got ensure our dependence Desitin PN
is all things that I need at age 56. I can't be intimate I don't detached I don't to be hugged I want to be left alone alone in my misery and Joe don't deserve that. As most of you know he is the kindest most gentlest husband and I am truly blessed to have him but we're becoming caretaker and patient a lot faster than I thought it would happen he's trying do everything for me and it's just not happening I don't want that I want to be his wife I want to feel will hold me in touch me it's too hard to even attempt he says he understands but I don't see how we can to go from wife they could do anything that could make love three of four times a day we are always on the honeymoon to maybe attempting it once a month's I've tried everything but dammit I don't want to be a patient I don't want to be like this I don't want to live like this dear God please help me, I'll take a quarter the back of what I used to be. Otherwise I just live like this I will not be a burden to Joe,
I slept till noon today which is unusual for me and I don't know if it is the new Alzheimer's meds that I started two days ago glass med they can start me on. I know that I'm suffering from depression and I know the longer you dig the hole in and climbed down into it harder it is to climb back out. I did look from start me on Prozac but that takes two weeks I guess to make you feel better. I wonder why I'm on this earth at all I don't want to be better nonleague Joe I would love just not take my meds all 23 pills and just let nature take its course but I can't do that to such a loving caring person and it's selfish.
Not Joe just went to Walmart on his list she's got ensure our dependence Desitin PN
is all things that I need at age 56. I can't be intimate I don't detached I don't to be hugged I want to be left alone alone in my misery and Joe don't deserve that. As most of you know he is the kindest most gentlest husband and I am truly blessed to have him but we're becoming caretaker and patient a lot faster than I thought it would happen he's trying do everything for me and it's just not happening I don't want that I want to be his wife I want to feel will hold me in touch me it's too hard to even attempt he says he understands but I don't see how we can to go from wife they could do anything that could make love three of four times a day we are always on the honeymoon to maybe attempting it once a month's I've tried everything but dammit I don't want to be a patient I don't want to be like this I don't want to live like this dear God please help me, I'll take a quarter the back of what I used to be. Otherwise I just live like this I will not be a burden to Joe,
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: Another Wednesday morning
My Journey through Alhezimers: Another Wednesday morning: Handing one, hope you're all doing well today and have a lot less pain. I'm doing pretty good having my sister here was keeping my temper ta...
Another Wednesday morning
Handing one, hope you're all doing well today and have a lot less pain. I'm doing pretty good having my sister here was keeping my temper tantrums down besides even though she's smaller than me she can be beat me up lolit seems like this week is going by so fast and she's leaving Saturday at six o'clock in the morning so that synodical day that is just wasted. She's a little tired today because everybody woke up about some personal got that wasn't supposed to be up was in me I'm always up to. I get up at two o'clock Monday have coffee with Joe so we can have some privacy without our roommate all can use your own same wants to each other but at least were alone together and then I take my Nikon pills arm at 3 AM and go back to sleep for a few hours which unthinkingly doing right now because I have to Rake lawn.
Joe finally found in all forms group needs going to be going twice a week and only minutes to go back to celebrate recovery last night on which really helped but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say not supposed to say your share button on sure that also grayback and if I give it, the and given at times the hard thing for me I want everything right away and it's frustrating.
Did any of you get the letters that I wrote I know some may be difficult to read but the doctors want me to write them on so I'm trying to send out you know when it to a day I haven't had penpals since nonmember. I just think it's more personal the letter in the mail besides bills I'm sure most of you would agree with me I'm hoping for a better day today I went through five different opinions yesterday my sister for you know it could be the extra fibe oatmeal which more likely it is to say that twice a day and my day consists of all mail and I'm sure the The soup in the Dr. said that's all right now is long as I have my ensure So apparently all of problems I've been having some months now that I thought were med related all don't appear to be because they did not start doing Alzheimer's meds yet till March 1 and only of the men that they started was Prozac 20 mg QD and I've been on that before and had no problems
I'm really hoping now that I am putting this on Facebook and on blogs all that people can see my journey and maybe find a comparison maybe get some ideas on how low I really don't have any good ideas right now but maybe they communally and see that they're not the only ones
Not just wanted drop by and say hi sales see you later on during day and time t to run. Please feel free to leave your remarks I look forward to seeing them on be logged page it's easy to find so any suggestions helpful hands anything that you want to post please feel free have a great day.
Joe finally found in all forms group needs going to be going twice a week and only minutes to go back to celebrate recovery last night on which really helped but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say not supposed to say your share button on sure that also grayback and if I give it, the and given at times the hard thing for me I want everything right away and it's frustrating.
Did any of you get the letters that I wrote I know some may be difficult to read but the doctors want me to write them on so I'm trying to send out you know when it to a day I haven't had penpals since nonmember. I just think it's more personal the letter in the mail besides bills I'm sure most of you would agree with me I'm hoping for a better day today I went through five different opinions yesterday my sister for you know it could be the extra fibe oatmeal which more likely it is to say that twice a day and my day consists of all mail and I'm sure the The soup in the Dr. said that's all right now is long as I have my ensure So apparently all of problems I've been having some months now that I thought were med related all don't appear to be because they did not start doing Alzheimer's meds yet till March 1 and only of the men that they started was Prozac 20 mg QD and I've been on that before and had no problems
I'm really hoping now that I am putting this on Facebook and on blogs all that people can see my journey and maybe find a comparison maybe get some ideas on how low I really don't have any good ideas right now but maybe they communally and see that they're not the only ones
Not just wanted drop by and say hi sales see you later on during day and time t to run. Please feel free to leave your remarks I look forward to seeing them on be logged page it's easy to find so any suggestions helpful hands anything that you want to post please feel free have a great day.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: A difficult day
My Journey through Alhezimers: A difficult day: Today is one of those days, that nothing's going right. I've gone through three different depends into pads into showers. I need to make an ...
A difficult day
Today is one of those days, that nothing's going right. I've gone through three different depends into pads into showers. I need to make an appointment with Castro because I can't figure out what meds causing it. I've put it off long enough I can't eat anything everything goes right through me with Dan 3 min. I know I need help with that in I have to find out what's causing it. I feel self-consciously the my house is a don't know what's going to happen. I think I'm on the go way now spend the day my room and stay close to the bathroom.
I know people that love me really try to help and when I disagree it's not because I'm being difficult and not listening Gorby and the bitch it's because I don't agree I appreciate all the advice I get but I know my body I know what makes me comfortable and I have to go by what I feel like like I said I appreciate all the help my sisters – she's taken a nap so I think I'm on the go do the same it's best that I don't talk anymore today and tried to just relax so I go to my meeting tonight I'm actually going to go back to celebrate recovery and see if that helps it always has. It is always brought me closer to Jesus and that's what I need right now love you all I'm always brain you have a pain-free day I can see the this some typos but it's my accent and I don't feel like going back and fix and him but you guys he used it deciphering my writing talk you soon soft hugsssssssssss Donnalynn
I know people that love me really try to help and when I disagree it's not because I'm being difficult and not listening Gorby and the bitch it's because I don't agree I appreciate all the advice I get but I know my body I know what makes me comfortable and I have to go by what I feel like like I said I appreciate all the help my sisters – she's taken a nap so I think I'm on the go do the same it's best that I don't talk anymore today and tried to just relax so I go to my meeting tonight I'm actually going to go back to celebrate recovery and see if that helps it always has. It is always brought me closer to Jesus and that's what I need right now love you all I'm always brain you have a pain-free day I can see the this some typos but it's my accent and I don't feel like going back and fix and him but you guys he used it deciphering my writing talk you soon soft hugsssssssssss Donnalynn
Monday, February 27, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: I would appreciate
My Journey through Alhezimers: I would appreciate: Hi everyone, I would appreciate if you would take a moment to comment on my blogs on this page. Your input is very important to me and I tru...
I would appreciate
Hi everyone,
I would appreciate if you would take a moment to comment on my blogs on this page. Your input is very important to me and I trust all of you so please take a minute and comment on the comments I love you all thanks
I would appreciate if you would take a moment to comment on my blogs on this page. Your input is very important to me and I trust all of you so please take a minute and comment on the comments I love you all thanks
My Journey through Alhezimers: A wonderful week, I pray
My Journey through Alhezimers: A wonderful week, I pray: Well my dear friends, this is a week I've been looking forward to for the past year. My baby sister Lori Sarah. She is 10 years younger than...
A wonderful week, I pray
Well my dear friends, this is a week I've been looking forward to for the past year. My baby sister Lori Sarah. She is 10 years younger than me but she's my idol I looked to her for advice comfort sharing and she's the only member my family that I trust.
Now be in 10 years younger than me she has suffered in pain for a good eight years she's always been a hard worker and she started having problems with one of her arms and her nec.k We went to more emergency rooms, doctors, and nobody could tell what this awful pain was. Finally we got the Dr. that diagnosed her with thoracic owlet syndrome. Apparently she was born with extra ribs and they had twisted the muscle and tendons around the nerves in were causing severe nerve pain up and down her arm. She needed major surgery she needed ribs removed and they had a untangle all the nerves. But being a wife and mother she did not do as the doctor told her three days later she was doing laundry in vacuum and. She was told this day in bed for eight weeks. Now she suffers from full-bodied pain, I think it's Phibro but then she showed me a rash on some pictures she took when she was in Florida and it looks like lupus now we all know the doctors doing in a and a team give you a false reading. She gets inflammation bad nerve pain migraines and there's no end to it for her. I'm going to talk to her about connected to pain and see if somebody can come up with some answers for her.
Now me being the oldest and Lorrie B and 10 years younger we never got along. It was just before I turned 40 that we really became friends and now it like twins. I love my sister Lori with all my heart. We have assisted The that died two years ago but we were close until God brought us together a month before she died. We have a baby sister that nobody talks to but that's over and done with I won a deal with the people at support me and my sister Lori supports mean 100% although she does a lot to get away with any shit. She says it like it is. So basically with on a hang around enough pajamas relax talk in ketchup and I think they secretly flew Lori and the calm me down.
Well it's working, I'm than they have Joe printout my living well whil Lori is her so we can get that out of the way the doctors want copies of it . Joe will be my primary, Lori will be my secondary and I'm when the keep my son Scott uninvolved and not put him in the picture to heard him.
Lorrie is so beautiful I've always been jealous of her she's always been then she looks like, our mom she's the only one that does. She is smart, beautiful, and fat-free, LOL so I'm hoping this week I'll have the chance to unwind enjo my siste even though she brought all this rainrso I know this is not my usual blog but it's an upbeat one and I pray most of you have a family member that you can confide in and will understand you cannot judge you and that's my sister Lori.
I love you all, I want to thank you for following my posts and I pray that you all have a good day.
Now be in 10 years younger than me she has suffered in pain for a good eight years she's always been a hard worker and she started having problems with one of her arms and her nec.k We went to more emergency rooms, doctors, and nobody could tell what this awful pain was. Finally we got the Dr. that diagnosed her with thoracic owlet syndrome. Apparently she was born with extra ribs and they had twisted the muscle and tendons around the nerves in were causing severe nerve pain up and down her arm. She needed major surgery she needed ribs removed and they had a untangle all the nerves. But being a wife and mother she did not do as the doctor told her three days later she was doing laundry in vacuum and. She was told this day in bed for eight weeks. Now she suffers from full-bodied pain, I think it's Phibro but then she showed me a rash on some pictures she took when she was in Florida and it looks like lupus now we all know the doctors doing in a and a team give you a false reading. She gets inflammation bad nerve pain migraines and there's no end to it for her. I'm going to talk to her about connected to pain and see if somebody can come up with some answers for her.
Now me being the oldest and Lorrie B and 10 years younger we never got along. It was just before I turned 40 that we really became friends and now it like twins. I love my sister Lori with all my heart. We have assisted The that died two years ago but we were close until God brought us together a month before she died. We have a baby sister that nobody talks to but that's over and done with I won a deal with the people at support me and my sister Lori supports mean 100% although she does a lot to get away with any shit. She says it like it is. So basically with on a hang around enough pajamas relax talk in ketchup and I think they secretly flew Lori and the calm me down.
Well it's working, I'm than they have Joe printout my living well whil Lori is her so we can get that out of the way the doctors want copies of it . Joe will be my primary, Lori will be my secondary and I'm when the keep my son Scott uninvolved and not put him in the picture to heard him.
Lorrie is so beautiful I've always been jealous of her she's always been then she looks like, our mom she's the only one that does. She is smart, beautiful, and fat-free, LOL so I'm hoping this week I'll have the chance to unwind enjo my siste even though she brought all this rainrso I know this is not my usual blog but it's an upbeat one and I pray most of you have a family member that you can confide in and will understand you cannot judge you and that's my sister Lori.
I love you all, I want to thank you for following my posts and I pray that you all have a good day.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: Starting to lose, I need comments to help me
My Journey through Alhezimers: Starting to lose, I need comments to help me: Good morning everyone this is a hard blog post today. I don't know if is me or Joe or other people around me but people was done to get alie...
Starting to lose, I need comments to help me
Good morning everyone this is a hard blog post today. I don't know if is me or Joe or other people around me but people was done to get alienated. I know that the Prozac is working it won't work. For two weeks but I can feel the difference when I take it in the morning. This is something I fought with the Dr. about but I really needed it.
This week is been a really had week I woke in cheery and in a good mood and then the next thing you know I'm fighting with everybody pushing people away or be in oversensitive. Like I said I don't know if it's me or if it's Joe bought its getting really hard. I don't want ID with anybody I want to be close especially now. I have talked Joe till I'm blue in the face I know we satiety when he comes home getting up at two in the morning I've asked him to take a nap and then after dinner spend one hour with me but he had also given up playing poker online talking to his friends online playing cribbage etc. just to be with me and I asked him to please go back and start doing the things he enjoyed that am not going anyway yet so he jumped right back into it and trying to get him for an hour is difficult and my favorite time with him is him sit in on the couch and me laying on his lap with is I'm around me is when I feel the most love it when I feel the safest.
The other night we had agreed to watch a show together and he changed his mind and said he was much too tired he was just going this late which I understood so I went to work on my jigsaw puzzle to make my brain work better and he went to bat will two hours later I went to going to bed and he's in bed wide-awake watching the movie laughing needless to say, I took that very personally I started screaming shaking and he immediately tried to calm me down and I told him not to come near me because he was going to get hurt. He said he didn't do it on purpose I took it that he didn't want to be around me. Now I know Joe loves me and I know that that was not his intention but it hurt and it hurt that I took off out of the house I told him I was leaving I threatening had him at: Justice day very far away for me eventually I calm down I started clawing at my arms I don't know why is something I've never done. He eventually got me to calm down and promise not to do it again. The next night we watch TV together for an hour and I was in heaven. The very next night he did the same thing over again so I'm trying not to take this personally because he needs his own space and it's going to get worse for him, so would why do do I give up my one hour of pure joy and let him have his own way or do I insist on that one hour.
You have to know Joe E is well a lot you do he is the kindest gentlest most loving man I've ever known in my life. He's my teddy bear this for my column I love looking man him I love watching him sleep I always in 10 years have run out to the track when he comes home from work to greet him. Even now I don't feel like eating we've been having dinner together every night and I been saying my grace every night and he actually looks forward to that. I don't want to lose him in meadow on a push him away but I have no control I don't know which way to turn because I don't know if I'm pushing him away or he's pushing me away he always tells me he loves me just as much is he ever did even more but I look at it to that been a caregiver and said there's no way that you can love me so it's confusing and it's causing a lot of tension.
My sister Lori's, now she'll be here Monday and she's my best friend, she's brutally honest and will definitely tell me if it's me or Joe but she will say it's me she always takes Joe side and she's usually right. Me and her can talk about anything and having her around is just wonderful to me I'm really looking forward to it in I'm sure Joe is to and I know our roommate Craig is really looking forward to it but it will be good for all of us. I really would like your input on this matter of so if you could leave a comment and tell me what you think or how I should be I don't know what how to be anymore I don't how to be me am afraid of everything I cry at the drop of a pen my anger is vicious and I'm hoping that once the medicine to my system and that I step yellow times medicine that things will change but a lot of you know me so please take the time to leave a comment I would appreciate it and let me know what you think is a lot of you have spoken to Joe and me and I value your opinions.
I think of you all every day I pray for you all every day to give praise to Jesus that I have a new day every day I'm working on a few things my blog Joe got me a jigsaw puzzle is to keep my brain occupied and I'm working on right and the lattice to you all I've sent them out already well I guess I'll close here and look forward to reading your comments. Please have a blessed day and know that you will love.
This week is been a really had week I woke in cheery and in a good mood and then the next thing you know I'm fighting with everybody pushing people away or be in oversensitive. Like I said I don't know if it's me or if it's Joe bought its getting really hard. I don't want ID with anybody I want to be close especially now. I have talked Joe till I'm blue in the face I know we satiety when he comes home getting up at two in the morning I've asked him to take a nap and then after dinner spend one hour with me but he had also given up playing poker online talking to his friends online playing cribbage etc. just to be with me and I asked him to please go back and start doing the things he enjoyed that am not going anyway yet so he jumped right back into it and trying to get him for an hour is difficult and my favorite time with him is him sit in on the couch and me laying on his lap with is I'm around me is when I feel the most love it when I feel the safest.
The other night we had agreed to watch a show together and he changed his mind and said he was much too tired he was just going this late which I understood so I went to work on my jigsaw puzzle to make my brain work better and he went to bat will two hours later I went to going to bed and he's in bed wide-awake watching the movie laughing needless to say, I took that very personally I started screaming shaking and he immediately tried to calm me down and I told him not to come near me because he was going to get hurt. He said he didn't do it on purpose I took it that he didn't want to be around me. Now I know Joe loves me and I know that that was not his intention but it hurt and it hurt that I took off out of the house I told him I was leaving I threatening had him at: Justice day very far away for me eventually I calm down I started clawing at my arms I don't know why is something I've never done. He eventually got me to calm down and promise not to do it again. The next night we watch TV together for an hour and I was in heaven. The very next night he did the same thing over again so I'm trying not to take this personally because he needs his own space and it's going to get worse for him, so would why do do I give up my one hour of pure joy and let him have his own way or do I insist on that one hour.
You have to know Joe E is well a lot you do he is the kindest gentlest most loving man I've ever known in my life. He's my teddy bear this for my column I love looking man him I love watching him sleep I always in 10 years have run out to the track when he comes home from work to greet him. Even now I don't feel like eating we've been having dinner together every night and I been saying my grace every night and he actually looks forward to that. I don't want to lose him in meadow on a push him away but I have no control I don't know which way to turn because I don't know if I'm pushing him away or he's pushing me away he always tells me he loves me just as much is he ever did even more but I look at it to that been a caregiver and said there's no way that you can love me so it's confusing and it's causing a lot of tension.
My sister Lori's, now she'll be here Monday and she's my best friend, she's brutally honest and will definitely tell me if it's me or Joe but she will say it's me she always takes Joe side and she's usually right. Me and her can talk about anything and having her around is just wonderful to me I'm really looking forward to it in I'm sure Joe is to and I know our roommate Craig is really looking forward to it but it will be good for all of us. I really would like your input on this matter of so if you could leave a comment and tell me what you think or how I should be I don't know what how to be anymore I don't how to be me am afraid of everything I cry at the drop of a pen my anger is vicious and I'm hoping that once the medicine to my system and that I step yellow times medicine that things will change but a lot of you know me so please take the time to leave a comment I would appreciate it and let me know what you think is a lot of you have spoken to Joe and me and I value your opinions.
I think of you all every day I pray for you all every day to give praise to Jesus that I have a new day every day I'm working on a few things my blog Joe got me a jigsaw puzzle is to keep my brain occupied and I'm working on right and the lattice to you all I've sent them out already well I guess I'll close here and look forward to reading your comments. Please have a blessed day and know that you will love.
Friday, February 17, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: A brand-new start
My Journey through Alhezimers: A brand-new start: Hi everyone, well today's going to be a new start. I saw the neurologist again yesterday and got some advice. I'm hoping this advice ...
A brand-new start
Hi everyone,
well today's going to be a new start. I saw the neurologist again yesterday and got some advice. I'm hoping this advice will help others going through all the different diseases that we are all going through. The doctor tried to put me on an antidepressant which I refused adamantly, however when she explained to me that all the stress I'm under is reduced and the chemicals in my brain I agreed and was put on Prozac 20 mg every morning. They are also starting a new Alzheimer's medicine but binoculars started until March 1 because they don't want to start me on to medicines at one.
Now the thing that she wants me to do is to take all my negative thoughts and write them down on little pieces of paper. All these negative thoughts about dying fear anxiety panic worthlessness helplessness, she wants me to write all these down and put them and went to my fancy Boxes. She then once Joe to take always negative feelings and put them on the top shelf my closet for two months. She said Bill still be there but she wants to put away for a while.
Now what I need to do is to follow the doctors orders, and not focus on the fact that I've probably had this disease for two years. All this time I thought it was lupus or fibromyalgia it was in fact Alzheimer's. She also showed me model the brain and temporal lobes and a pretty big and they very damaged I also looked at a book that our roommate had bought on Alzheimer's and it was for caregivers, but the first two pages I read about me regressing to a child's mentality I put the book down and realize that I can read stuff like that.
So despite the fact that my life is short and my faith is strong. I truly believe that Jesus will heal me I do not believe that he's going to come down to lay hands on me and I'm gone to be cured but I know he will heal me in his time. I truly believe that my heart is filled with the Holy Spirit and that will carry me through this. I need to count each day is a blessing, I need to praise Jesus every time I open my eyes every time I do my devotional, every time I think of how magnificent Jesus is I need to give praise. I've lost even more friends send get on this new disease but that doesn't matter to me. Maybe they just don't know what to say and yeah it does matter it hurts but I'll get through it I have a lot of people love me I'm a good person I don't deserve this but which one of us deserve to have the lives we have. I do know that Jesus did not give me these diseases, Jesus does not hurt those that he created in his image so if you're suffering and you don't remember anything remember that. Well before I do might sure that the doctor wants me to do and then I go back to bed, I get up at four and my eyes are really swollen shot and when I wake up and then look up praise Jesus let me wake up again and then I'm when I start my day.
Remember I love you all, and if you read this blog in you know people that are suffering give them a link to maybe one sentence of what I post that is very personal to me as you know and brutally honest might help them. I love all of you, I pray for you every day, and thereby reduce data and write in personal letters to those who gave me their addresses and then write a few more today. I pray you have pain-free day and I hope that this one moment today that you can laugh, just laugh no reason we all need to do that more talk to well soon. Love you
well today's going to be a new start. I saw the neurologist again yesterday and got some advice. I'm hoping this advice will help others going through all the different diseases that we are all going through. The doctor tried to put me on an antidepressant which I refused adamantly, however when she explained to me that all the stress I'm under is reduced and the chemicals in my brain I agreed and was put on Prozac 20 mg every morning. They are also starting a new Alzheimer's medicine but binoculars started until March 1 because they don't want to start me on to medicines at one.
Now the thing that she wants me to do is to take all my negative thoughts and write them down on little pieces of paper. All these negative thoughts about dying fear anxiety panic worthlessness helplessness, she wants me to write all these down and put them and went to my fancy Boxes. She then once Joe to take always negative feelings and put them on the top shelf my closet for two months. She said Bill still be there but she wants to put away for a while.
Now what I need to do is to follow the doctors orders, and not focus on the fact that I've probably had this disease for two years. All this time I thought it was lupus or fibromyalgia it was in fact Alzheimer's. She also showed me model the brain and temporal lobes and a pretty big and they very damaged I also looked at a book that our roommate had bought on Alzheimer's and it was for caregivers, but the first two pages I read about me regressing to a child's mentality I put the book down and realize that I can read stuff like that.
So despite the fact that my life is short and my faith is strong. I truly believe that Jesus will heal me I do not believe that he's going to come down to lay hands on me and I'm gone to be cured but I know he will heal me in his time. I truly believe that my heart is filled with the Holy Spirit and that will carry me through this. I need to count each day is a blessing, I need to praise Jesus every time I open my eyes every time I do my devotional, every time I think of how magnificent Jesus is I need to give praise. I've lost even more friends send get on this new disease but that doesn't matter to me. Maybe they just don't know what to say and yeah it does matter it hurts but I'll get through it I have a lot of people love me I'm a good person I don't deserve this but which one of us deserve to have the lives we have. I do know that Jesus did not give me these diseases, Jesus does not hurt those that he created in his image so if you're suffering and you don't remember anything remember that. Well before I do might sure that the doctor wants me to do and then I go back to bed, I get up at four and my eyes are really swollen shot and when I wake up and then look up praise Jesus let me wake up again and then I'm when I start my day.
Remember I love you all, and if you read this blog in you know people that are suffering give them a link to maybe one sentence of what I post that is very personal to me as you know and brutally honest might help them. I love all of you, I pray for you every day, and thereby reduce data and write in personal letters to those who gave me their addresses and then write a few more today. I pray you have pain-free day and I hope that this one moment today that you can laugh, just laugh no reason we all need to do that more talk to well soon. Love you
Thursday, February 16, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: Another anxious day
My Journey through Alhezimers: Another anxious day: Good morning everyone well I hope everybody having a ' good morning? I do pray for all of you several times a day because we all to ...
Another anxious day
Good morning everyone
well I hope everybody having a ' good morning? I do pray for all of you several times a day because we all to connect in one way or another. It's amazing to me when I read my page the page that used to be filled with jokes and fun family drama family fun is now filled with stories of strong women and men that suffer every day. There is no way to explain why we all are so afflicted. I know enough people being punished by Jesus. I know that none of us did anything to deserve the hand we would doubt. Now don't get me wrong speaking for myself I thought for years I was being punished I was no angel I did a lot of things wrong. I didn't care about my self-esteem I didn't have any. I would put myself in dangerous situations hope and that someone would kill me because I didn't have the balls to do it myself. Well once that didn't work I turned to drugs. I was a drug addict for 15 years and I have been clean 15 years. Now five years ago and I don't know why the Holy Spirit came to me and brought me to Jesus. Since I was saved my help this gotten hundred percent worse, so I have to believe that Satan is behind it because I played in his playground so many years.
Now today is an anxious day that tried me on Exelon patch is which you make me very sick decreeing incontinence massive diarrhea I can't eat, I can't think, I couldn't leave the house for fear of having an accident. I didn't want to sleep in bed with Jo due to the fact that I would have to get up and change the sheets okay crying now. There is enough the medicine he had said that he was going to try me on and I'm hoping he does that today this symptoms of progress thing way too fast. I know I'll never be normal and I know my life will be shortened but I do know that I have the greatest support system in the world. I have my husband Joe to a lot of you know and I have our roommate/brother Craig that do everything in their power to make my life easier. And then into my life comes all of you I deleted all the jokes family drama and look forward to hearing from each of you every day. This dragon thing is cool by the way okay well I'm hoping this new medicine that does cause side effects Moroni last couple of weeks till it's in my system. My behavior has been so bad lately that my roommate's inflame my sister Lori and so I can see her. I started sending out some letters to all of you and I believe I'll of you have my cell phone number which is 352-461-4445. I'm hoping that writing are trying to write well help my memory you all lift me up and make me feel better. This blog is very difficult to do because you have to be so honest if you got a be evident help anybody else. You need to talk about the bad things like my temper my forgetfulness and all the losses that you suffer. I do know that everybody is different and I now everybody suffers differently. I pray extra hard for those people that are alone and don't have a support system I don't know how you do it and get through every day but know that you will love to be him prayed for.
Well I know that the Dr. or two behind but I need to be followed a neurologist. You know I'm so used to be a control freak as I had no control over my life since I was a little girl. Now everything spinning out of control Elmo minute to minute with the happen and it's hard. It brings back memories of not being able to be able to control your own destiny what's pray that the new medicine will help and I appreciate every one of you. This blog may be a little messed up today but it's from my heart but I need to cut off now getting too emotional, and I don't want to go over Dr. with swollen red eyes.
Did Jesus look over my friends and family make them have less pain let them find the love and support they deserve. With them up weapons see the sunshine let them find the rainbows and let them feel less pain in a glorious name I pray amen.
well I hope everybody having a ' good morning? I do pray for all of you several times a day because we all to connect in one way or another. It's amazing to me when I read my page the page that used to be filled with jokes and fun family drama family fun is now filled with stories of strong women and men that suffer every day. There is no way to explain why we all are so afflicted. I know enough people being punished by Jesus. I know that none of us did anything to deserve the hand we would doubt. Now don't get me wrong speaking for myself I thought for years I was being punished I was no angel I did a lot of things wrong. I didn't care about my self-esteem I didn't have any. I would put myself in dangerous situations hope and that someone would kill me because I didn't have the balls to do it myself. Well once that didn't work I turned to drugs. I was a drug addict for 15 years and I have been clean 15 years. Now five years ago and I don't know why the Holy Spirit came to me and brought me to Jesus. Since I was saved my help this gotten hundred percent worse, so I have to believe that Satan is behind it because I played in his playground so many years.
Now today is an anxious day that tried me on Exelon patch is which you make me very sick decreeing incontinence massive diarrhea I can't eat, I can't think, I couldn't leave the house for fear of having an accident. I didn't want to sleep in bed with Jo due to the fact that I would have to get up and change the sheets okay crying now. There is enough the medicine he had said that he was going to try me on and I'm hoping he does that today this symptoms of progress thing way too fast. I know I'll never be normal and I know my life will be shortened but I do know that I have the greatest support system in the world. I have my husband Joe to a lot of you know and I have our roommate/brother Craig that do everything in their power to make my life easier. And then into my life comes all of you I deleted all the jokes family drama and look forward to hearing from each of you every day. This dragon thing is cool by the way okay well I'm hoping this new medicine that does cause side effects Moroni last couple of weeks till it's in my system. My behavior has been so bad lately that my roommate's inflame my sister Lori and so I can see her. I started sending out some letters to all of you and I believe I'll of you have my cell phone number which is 352-461-4445. I'm hoping that writing are trying to write well help my memory you all lift me up and make me feel better. This blog is very difficult to do because you have to be so honest if you got a be evident help anybody else. You need to talk about the bad things like my temper my forgetfulness and all the losses that you suffer. I do know that everybody is different and I now everybody suffers differently. I pray extra hard for those people that are alone and don't have a support system I don't know how you do it and get through every day but know that you will love to be him prayed for.
Well I know that the Dr. or two behind but I need to be followed a neurologist. You know I'm so used to be a control freak as I had no control over my life since I was a little girl. Now everything spinning out of control Elmo minute to minute with the happen and it's hard. It brings back memories of not being able to be able to control your own destiny what's pray that the new medicine will help and I appreciate every one of you. This blog may be a little messed up today but it's from my heart but I need to cut off now getting too emotional, and I don't want to go over Dr. with swollen red eyes.
Did Jesus look over my friends and family make them have less pain let them find the love and support they deserve. With them up weapons see the sunshine let them find the rainbows and let them feel less pain in a glorious name I pray amen.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: Happy Valentine's Day
My Journey through Alhezimers: Happy Valentine's Day: Good morning everybody I justwanted tostart out this day of love by wishing everybody a happy Valentines Day. I have to say I am tr...
Happy Valentine's Day
I justwanted tostart out this day of love by wishing everybody a happy Valentines Day.
I have to say I am truly blessed on this day, to be married to the most wonderful man in the world.
I give praise to Jesus several times a day even with all my illness I praise him for being able to open my eyes from my home, the food AE, for having Joe, and so lay next to him at night watching him breathe. I don't know how he does it as my moods change from moment to moment. Yesterday I spent the day crying in my pajamas and I started reading books on caregiving that we got the Joe and Craig. I myself could not read anymore of the horrors they going to face in the future. I'm hoping when see my neurologisthe will get me back on the med to regulate my brain function.
I don't recognize who I am anymore and one thing I'm confused about is I've never been afraid of anything I learned as a child not to be afraid just disassociate and remove myself from the situation hence the fear goes. I am now afraid to go outside to go to church to be around people. I'm afraid of what I'll say or do are how well act. I'm actually afraid of the fear. I've had guns literally puts my head, is a yam teenager I slept on top benches and Boston Common I lived in a combat zone for those of you that I'm from Boston your needs no more than that. I'm really afraid.
I did take one suggestion and that is to start get in addresses of my friends and not spend as much time on the computer but actually write letters like penpals everybody like snail mail and I knew computers would ruin the world. People don't know how to communicate openly and honestly anymore monistic behind the keyboard. So I'm than the start writing letters, Joe bought me a beautiful stationery set any also bought me a jigsaw puzzle which reminds me of our North. I called my uncle Russell's morning I actually woke my I've been up since five my sleep is all over the place I need to talk to him well I'm still lucid. There are very few people but I want to thank my life but my Russell is one of them he has always believed in me and has always been there any time I needed him.
Now I want to wish my sister Lori Slattery a very happy Valentine's Day. Lorrie is my baby sister of which I have one left Lori and I never got along our lives till I got really sick years me as a go and was in a, she came to me every day and spent the day with all the machines in dialysis and kept me clean wash my asks made sure they didn't tie me down she was there for me every step of the way. After that I couldn't figure out why we didn't get along. After that we became the best of friends and still are to this day. She is my strength, my hero, I look up to her and admire her for all she goes through, all the pain she lives with, and is an incredible mother on top of it all. She is brought my nephews in my niece out so well and actually she brought my son up to. I'm sorry I'm crying now. Lori is coming down in a week and a half now have or all to myself and I can tell her home much I love her. I can tell her that she's my hero and always will be in when I'm gone I can talk to Jesus and to beg him to please heal her pain .
I'm than a wrap this up now I'm going to have some coffee put all the phone numbers back in my phone work, puzzle and go to celebrate recovery tonight and give more praise to Jesus. I love you all and once again happy Valentine's Day.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: So you want me to smile
My Journey through Alhezimers: So you want me to smile: Well I've been told, that also I need to do is smile and everything will be all right. I know people mean well but it's not that easy to smi...
So you want me to smile
Well I've been told, that also I need to do is smile and everything will be all right. I know people mean well but it's not that easy to smile, I feel I don't have anything to smile about. I am blessed with a great husband and wonderful husband actually and a great friend that we own the house with.
I just laughed my celebrate recovery group as when I arrived on my geek in and another member were in the back room and later I found out that I had been upsetting the group that people leaving because they were feeling worse than when they came in I will readily admit the day I got my fourth opinion dating that I had five years to live I was upset I was crying and I wanted to share we have 5 min. to talk about a burning desire and I spent 15 well I decided then that these people and my church group are not my friends does no sympathy empathy or understanding. I feel really bad because I looked up to speed as my brother a fellow Christian and someone I counted on to in essence was talking to hammering back it tore me apart and it was the hardest decision AMA had made I love the people in that group and a pray for them every day I was told that I need to praise God more only God knows my heart I praise God from the time I will open my eyes and realize that I'm alive I praise him when I read my devotional I praise him when I go take my nap and I praise them every night at Grayson supper.
Now getting onto my lupus and fibromyalgia all of this stress is starting to make my pain from back make the swallowing inflammation in Phoebus come back it's not good for any rust you know that and stress brings down your immune system faster than anything else. I had decided to stop posting on our groups because I can be as positive right now as most of you are but that does not mean I do not love each and every one of you for being there for me and with the never Joe. The one that really need you right now is Joe you have his group he needs to hear from you he needs to know is not alone is Gloucester wife and best friend and I'm trying real hard to be that person but I can't. So please remember Joe always posting him keep on praying for him. Our roommate Craig is very important to us as audit books recommended by the Alzheimer's foundation is one is called a 36 hour day and I forget the name of the yellow one but they very informative and I can hopefully get you to read them I'm sorry this is going to be very short I'm actually going to go get sick to my stomach right now I love you all please don't forget me in remember Joe always. Anyone of you better long-suffering would be blessed to have a husband like Joe. Okay I need to go this is not a good day I love you all
I just laughed my celebrate recovery group as when I arrived on my geek in and another member were in the back room and later I found out that I had been upsetting the group that people leaving because they were feeling worse than when they came in I will readily admit the day I got my fourth opinion dating that I had five years to live I was upset I was crying and I wanted to share we have 5 min. to talk about a burning desire and I spent 15 well I decided then that these people and my church group are not my friends does no sympathy empathy or understanding. I feel really bad because I looked up to speed as my brother a fellow Christian and someone I counted on to in essence was talking to hammering back it tore me apart and it was the hardest decision AMA had made I love the people in that group and a pray for them every day I was told that I need to praise God more only God knows my heart I praise God from the time I will open my eyes and realize that I'm alive I praise him when I read my devotional I praise him when I go take my nap and I praise them every night at Grayson supper.
Now getting onto my lupus and fibromyalgia all of this stress is starting to make my pain from back make the swallowing inflammation in Phoebus come back it's not good for any rust you know that and stress brings down your immune system faster than anything else. I had decided to stop posting on our groups because I can be as positive right now as most of you are but that does not mean I do not love each and every one of you for being there for me and with the never Joe. The one that really need you right now is Joe you have his group he needs to hear from you he needs to know is not alone is Gloucester wife and best friend and I'm trying real hard to be that person but I can't. So please remember Joe always posting him keep on praying for him. Our roommate Craig is very important to us as audit books recommended by the Alzheimer's foundation is one is called a 36 hour day and I forget the name of the yellow one but they very informative and I can hopefully get you to read them I'm sorry this is going to be very short I'm actually going to go get sick to my stomach right now I love you all please don't forget me in remember Joe always. Anyone of you better long-suffering would be blessed to have a husband like Joe. Okay I need to go this is not a good day I love you all
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: My Journey through Alhezimers: Loss of Imtimacy
My Journey through Alhezimers: My Journey through Alhezimers: Loss of Imtimacy: My Journey through Alhezimers: Loss of Imtimacy : My Dear Flolowers and friends, this is going to be hard to type, one because of the conten...
My Journey through Alhezimers: Loss of Imtimacy
My Journey through Alhezimers: Loss of Imtimacy: My Dear Flolowers and friends, this is going to be hard to type, one because of the content and because i cannot get the drsgon working.so ...
Loss of Imtimacy
Joe and I have been married almost 10 yrs, we met online and before he flew to met me i told him i was very ill and i would prob die on hom. he flew across the country and proposed on Christmas eve 2001, we were married july 2002.
we laughed all the time, we wrestled like kids but most of all after being a widow and no having sex for 9 yrs this was all new to me again.
I also explained i had ptsd from sexual abuse for 10 yrs and i had to teach him how to spproch me. This man was so understanding.
we made love morning, noon and mostly all night, he was always tender and thought of me first.
after our 2 moth anniv i got pericarditis and he almost lost me, then fibro, the pain was abd and we grew further apart in our sex lives. Making love becaumr a chore then painful. then menopause so that killed alot.
I have tried so hard to be a god wife, he still tries, grabbing my breast, telling me how beautiful i am, how i turn him on , how sexy i am. i feel none of thse things. yes i do try but due to all the illness the minute my body starts to respond i get a massive migrine and he looks into my eyes and sees teas what a buzz kill.
i used to love to spoon but that has stopped i can not stand to be touched. so i hug him, kiss him goodnight, wait for him to fall asleep then i move to the couch, am i preparing him for the day i am no longer with him?
i have asked him to get remarried that went over like a bucket of shit he said i was his only love.
Dear Lord i want him so much I want the old days... i want us to be happy without this hanging over our heads. i knowi should be happy having him because so many men walk out, but joe is like no other, how can i save him from this pain he us feeling...
oh now one thing i thought of on my bucket list is to be able to meet some of you, some kind of reunion. i know i wont get to most of my bucket list as we make less then 26,000.00 a yr. I also want to meet President Obama and I want to build another room on my home. right now i need to work on the master bath, the floor rotted and it needs to be replaced before one of us falls throug, we live in a mobile home. i would love one of those walk in baths as i have fallen several times and do not want to go through the glass.
All my friends ur feedback is important to me so i can get some ideas on these funal yrs till i can walk with jesus and feel the donfort of his hand in mine..... love you all
Monday, February 6, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: Well this is my bucket list
My Journey through Alhezimers: Well this is my bucket list: Well good morning everybody I know some you may find this silly, but I think it's important. This is my bucket list of things I wanted to no...
Well this is my bucket list
Well good morning everybody I know some you may find this silly, but I think it's important. This is my bucket list of things I wanted to no matter how long I'm here for if it's five years or 10 years or 20 years.
One; I wanted be able to spend every July on Cocoa Beach with Joe for a anniversary. Two; I want to be able to go on a hot air balloon ride. Three; I want to have a family reunion with only the family that matters to me and that does not include my sister Maria I do not have the sister Maria. Now I'm not being mean she chose to shut me out and I'm done worrying about it. Three; now don't laugh, I live in Wildwood which is 45 min. away from one of my favorite actors houses. I have seen his jet the yellow one flyover as I have laid the pool. I would love to meet Mr. John Travolta. For; I want to spend the weekend in the remote log cabin with just me and Joe and nobody from miles around. Five; I want to go to lie and country Safari as I'd love wild animals. Six; I want to take my sister Lori and my nephews to Universal Studios one day.
I'm sure I'll think of more than one thing I don't have to think of is that I'm a good Christian and I will meet Jesus and look over all of you.
One; I wanted be able to spend every July on Cocoa Beach with Joe for a anniversary. Two; I want to be able to go on a hot air balloon ride. Three; I want to have a family reunion with only the family that matters to me and that does not include my sister Maria I do not have the sister Maria. Now I'm not being mean she chose to shut me out and I'm done worrying about it. Three; now don't laugh, I live in Wildwood which is 45 min. away from one of my favorite actors houses. I have seen his jet the yellow one flyover as I have laid the pool. I would love to meet Mr. John Travolta. For; I want to spend the weekend in the remote log cabin with just me and Joe and nobody from miles around. Five; I want to go to lie and country Safari as I'd love wild animals. Six; I want to take my sister Lori and my nephews to Universal Studios one day.
I'm sure I'll think of more than one thing I don't have to think of is that I'm a good Christian and I will meet Jesus and look over all of you.
My Journey through Alhezimers: Some thoughts for the day
My Journey through Alhezimers: Some thoughts for the day: Well it's five o'clock Monday morning, I'm sitting here with so many thoughts going through my head. I'm so confused, sometimes I feel almo...
Some thoughts for the day
Well it's five o'clock Monday morning, I'm sitting here with so many thoughts going through my head.
I'm so confused, sometimes I feel almost normal, normal as I can be with the lupus in the Phibro and all else that goes along with it. I know you all know how I feel.
I keep reading my Bible, and I tried to get closer to Jesus it seems the more I worked to get closer to him the more Satan's minions attack me.
I have all kinds of thoughts going through my head from what I have had incontinence for the past seven months and they said it was the Exelon patch is. They stopped thoseand I see the neurologist on the seventh. They may try a new medicine.
Let's face it were all going to die someday only Jesus knows when. Some days I feel like home covers over my head and just wishing that never wake up. But then again I have my husband Joe my son Scott and his lovely wife and my grandchildren. My eldest grandchildren names Chris, Alex, and Cameron I have not seen in nine years. I guess I must've been a really awful person. Well actually I don't think I've been an awful person I've never actually heard anybody but myself and maybe disappointed my family.
I'm never going to apologize again for any hurt of cause my family, the damage was done to me as well as them but it was not my fault. There was a time that I believe that Jesus was punishing me for not protecting my family I do not believe that anymore. Look at Job in the Bible I read that and read that and I'm amazed it is faith. None of us knows why would happens to us happens nobody knows why some of us are so healthy and others versus so sick. I spend hours crying trying to figure out; why me? I don't have the answers, I don't have the answers for anybody else's life. I do give praise to Jesus that my pain is under control and the doctor promise that even when my brain is shriveled but that he will make sure that I am not in pain.
To my sister Lori my nephew Lyrik in my niece Kassie I don't mean to where you guys but I have all a need here except you all. dam this is so hard to write because when I think if you you all it brings me to tears and then I cried for hours I miss you all Hunter in Nathan also. So like I said I don't know why.
There is one thing I do know I was never afraid, never had any fear, I've got into fights with men, I've had guns pulled on me twice, been stabbed twice. I was homeless to escape my home and slip on Boston Common on a park bench when I was on the fifth teen years old again no fear.
It seems the temporal lobes controlfear and the fear in me is growing, I'm afraid of everything from losing my mind cannot see in the little ones of my family grow up and having to leave my son. These of the hardest things that I could think of. I'm not afraid of death, it can happen to any of us at any time. I really wish I had the answers him but I don't I don't know what tomorrow's going to bring, but I do know that I will try to smile and tried to live each day to the fullest.
I wish the same to you all, all my family, my church family, and all mydear sisters on face book, you guys have been here for me without even asking and for that I will be eternally grateful and when I'm gone it will look down on each and every one the you and watch over you and pray for you healing. I love you all, only one more blog to do in hopefully you get a kick out of this one I'm doing my bucket list. Please have a wonderful day and remember Jesus loves you and so did Jo when I
I'm so confused, sometimes I feel almost normal, normal as I can be with the lupus in the Phibro and all else that goes along with it. I know you all know how I feel.
I keep reading my Bible, and I tried to get closer to Jesus it seems the more I worked to get closer to him the more Satan's minions attack me.
I have all kinds of thoughts going through my head from what I have had incontinence for the past seven months and they said it was the Exelon patch is. They stopped thoseand I see the neurologist on the seventh. They may try a new medicine.
Let's face it were all going to die someday only Jesus knows when. Some days I feel like home covers over my head and just wishing that never wake up. But then again I have my husband Joe my son Scott and his lovely wife and my grandchildren. My eldest grandchildren names Chris, Alex, and Cameron I have not seen in nine years. I guess I must've been a really awful person. Well actually I don't think I've been an awful person I've never actually heard anybody but myself and maybe disappointed my family.
I'm never going to apologize again for any hurt of cause my family, the damage was done to me as well as them but it was not my fault. There was a time that I believe that Jesus was punishing me for not protecting my family I do not believe that anymore. Look at Job in the Bible I read that and read that and I'm amazed it is faith. None of us knows why would happens to us happens nobody knows why some of us are so healthy and others versus so sick. I spend hours crying trying to figure out; why me? I don't have the answers, I don't have the answers for anybody else's life. I do give praise to Jesus that my pain is under control and the doctor promise that even when my brain is shriveled but that he will make sure that I am not in pain.
To my sister Lori my nephew Lyrik in my niece Kassie I don't mean to where you guys but I have all a need here except you all. dam this is so hard to write because when I think if you you all it brings me to tears and then I cried for hours I miss you all Hunter in Nathan also. So like I said I don't know why.
There is one thing I do know I was never afraid, never had any fear, I've got into fights with men, I've had guns pulled on me twice, been stabbed twice. I was homeless to escape my home and slip on Boston Common on a park bench when I was on the fifth teen years old again no fear.
It seems the temporal lobes controlfear and the fear in me is growing, I'm afraid of everything from losing my mind cannot see in the little ones of my family grow up and having to leave my son. These of the hardest things that I could think of. I'm not afraid of death, it can happen to any of us at any time. I really wish I had the answers him but I don't I don't know what tomorrow's going to bring, but I do know that I will try to smile and tried to live each day to the fullest.
I wish the same to you all, all my family, my church family, and all mydear sisters on face book, you guys have been here for me without even asking and for that I will be eternally grateful and when I'm gone it will look down on each and every one the you and watch over you and pray for you healing. I love you all, only one more blog to do in hopefully you get a kick out of this one I'm doing my bucket list. Please have a wonderful day and remember Jesus loves you and so did Jo when I
Thursday, February 2, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: Mixed Emotions
My Journey through Alhezimers: Mixed Emotions: HELLO MY DEAR FRIENDS PLEASE EXCUSE THE CAPSALWAYS IT IS EASIER IF THE DRAGON ISNOT AVAIL TO ME. WELL THINGS ARE GETTING HARDER, MY SYM...
Mixed Emotions
HELLO MY DEAR FRIENDS PLEASE EXCUSE THE CAPSALWAYS IT IS EASIER IF THE DRAGON ISNOT AVAIL TO ME.
WELL THINGS ARE GETTING HARDER, MY SYMPTONS HAVE INCREASED SINCE THEY STOPPED THE EXCELON PATCH. APPARENTLY ALL THE ACCIDENTS AND DIARRIA WAS A SIDE EFFECT.
I WILL SEE NEURO AGAIN ON HTE 12OF FEB.THEY HAVE ANOTHER MED. I AM UP AND DOWN , THEN I GET SO UPSET I FLARE AND AM IN BED. I ALSO HAVE NYMPHROTIC SYNDRONE WHICH MAKES ME SWELL, HANDS LEGS FROM KNEES DOWN AND FACE EYES CLOSED.
I CANNOT COOK RIGHT, FOLLOW RECIPIES AND MY ANGER IS SO BAD, I ACTUALLY PUNCHED A CABINET THE OTHER DAY, THAT IS NOT ME.WHEN YOU GET EARLY ONSET ALZHEIMERS IT COMES ON FAST AND FURIOUS AND IM SCARED AS HELL. I EVEN STARTED AFIGHT WITH MY DEACON , IM LOST, SAD, ANGRY, HAPPY, CONFUSED, ALL OF THESE.
I AMALSO FRUSTRATED AS JOE HAS BECOME MY NURSE INSTEAD OF SBAND, WE CANNOT MAE LVE AS I GET AN INSTANT MIRRAINE WHICH PUTSME IN TEARSAND HIM COMFORTING ME. I CANT STAND THIS, BUT EACH DAY I TRY TO FIGHT TO FIND A REASON TO DEAL WITH THE LUPUS, FIBRO, AND THIS. I HAVE DECIDED NOT TO TRY THE ABILIFY THEY PUT ME ON AS IT APPEARS TO HAVE TO MANY SIDE EFFECTS.
LORD, I NEED HELP, I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO LOST I MY OWN MIND...MY HARDEST THING I H AVE EVER GONE THROUGH MYPUTER IS MY ONLY OUTLET AND I LOVE SO MANY OF YOU. THE HARDEST PART IS NOT BEING NEAR MY SISTER LORRIE, SHE IS MY ROCK AND IM LOST WITHOUT HER.M LOST
THIS DISEASE IS THE WORSE AS I WILL BE ALIVE ONLY AN EMPTY SHELL, TILL COMPLICATIONS TAKE ME TO JESUS.
I HAD SURGERY WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR PNEUMONIA, WHICH WAS MY FAULT. I KNEW I HAD IT I WAS BEING TREATED BUT AFTER 2 WEEKS I WAS GETING WORSE I WAS AFRAID IF I WENT IN I WOULD NOT BE COMING HOME. THEY HAD TO PUT A PORT IN MY CHEST AS I HAVE NO VEINS LEFT. NOW I HAVE TO WATCH FOR SEPSIS.
I ONLY HOPE ONE DAY THAT SOMEONE WILL READ THIS AND UNDERSTAND WHAT AFAMILY MEMBER MIGHT BE GOING THROUGH OR THEMSELVES.
IM LEARNING WHAT THE TEMPORAL LOBES DO FOR THE BRAIN AND THEY CONTROL ALOT EMOTIONS, COMMUNICATION AND SUCH, SO PLEASE FRGIVE IF I DO NOT SOUND LIKE MYSELF.....ANDPLEASEVKEEP FOLLOWING AS I NEED YOU AL, LORRIE I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND NEED YOU MORE ......
WELL THINGS ARE GETTING HARDER, MY SYMPTONS HAVE INCREASED SINCE THEY STOPPED THE EXCELON PATCH. APPARENTLY ALL THE ACCIDENTS AND DIARRIA WAS A SIDE EFFECT.
I WILL SEE NEURO AGAIN ON HTE 12OF FEB.THEY HAVE ANOTHER MED. I AM UP AND DOWN , THEN I GET SO UPSET I FLARE AND AM IN BED. I ALSO HAVE NYMPHROTIC SYNDRONE WHICH MAKES ME SWELL, HANDS LEGS FROM KNEES DOWN AND FACE EYES CLOSED.
I CANNOT COOK RIGHT, FOLLOW RECIPIES AND MY ANGER IS SO BAD, I ACTUALLY PUNCHED A CABINET THE OTHER DAY, THAT IS NOT ME.WHEN YOU GET EARLY ONSET ALZHEIMERS IT COMES ON FAST AND FURIOUS AND IM SCARED AS HELL. I EVEN STARTED AFIGHT WITH MY DEACON , IM LOST, SAD, ANGRY, HAPPY, CONFUSED, ALL OF THESE.
I AMALSO FRUSTRATED AS JOE HAS BECOME MY NURSE INSTEAD OF SBAND, WE CANNOT MAE LVE AS I GET AN INSTANT MIRRAINE WHICH PUTSME IN TEARSAND HIM COMFORTING ME. I CANT STAND THIS, BUT EACH DAY I TRY TO FIGHT TO FIND A REASON TO DEAL WITH THE LUPUS, FIBRO, AND THIS. I HAVE DECIDED NOT TO TRY THE ABILIFY THEY PUT ME ON AS IT APPEARS TO HAVE TO MANY SIDE EFFECTS.
LORD, I NEED HELP, I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO LOST I MY OWN MIND...MY HARDEST THING I H AVE EVER GONE THROUGH MYPUTER IS MY ONLY OUTLET AND I LOVE SO MANY OF YOU. THE HARDEST PART IS NOT BEING NEAR MY SISTER LORRIE, SHE IS MY ROCK AND IM LOST WITHOUT HER.M LOST
THIS DISEASE IS THE WORSE AS I WILL BE ALIVE ONLY AN EMPTY SHELL, TILL COMPLICATIONS TAKE ME TO JESUS.
I HAD SURGERY WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR PNEUMONIA, WHICH WAS MY FAULT. I KNEW I HAD IT I WAS BEING TREATED BUT AFTER 2 WEEKS I WAS GETING WORSE I WAS AFRAID IF I WENT IN I WOULD NOT BE COMING HOME. THEY HAD TO PUT A PORT IN MY CHEST AS I HAVE NO VEINS LEFT. NOW I HAVE TO WATCH FOR SEPSIS.
I ONLY HOPE ONE DAY THAT SOMEONE WILL READ THIS AND UNDERSTAND WHAT AFAMILY MEMBER MIGHT BE GOING THROUGH OR THEMSELVES.
IM LEARNING WHAT THE TEMPORAL LOBES DO FOR THE BRAIN AND THEY CONTROL ALOT EMOTIONS, COMMUNICATION AND SUCH, SO PLEASE FRGIVE IF I DO NOT SOUND LIKE MYSELF.....ANDPLEASEVKEEP FOLLOWING AS I NEED YOU AL, LORRIE I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND NEED YOU MORE ......
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: Another new day
My Journey through Alhezimers: Another new day: Well I'm on Joe's computer, and the Dragon works on here which makes it so much easier for me. The past few days have been very hard for m...
Another new day
Well I'm on Joe's computer, and the Dragon works on here which makes it so much easier for me.
The past few days have been very hard for me. I did get to talk to a case manager at the Alhambra's foundation that gave me her name and gave me a lot of info. It is very hard for me to understand, as I have always understood the lupus fibromyalgia hat disease diabetes but this Alzheimer's is kicking my ass.
I found that the temporal lobes of your brain control emotion anger and especially fear year in fear of going out fear of being alone fear that people talking about you fear of death. I have always been a strong person and not afraid of anything or anyone.
The case manager) to explained that all of this was normal. She did state that jet when I need a support group for early onset Alzheimer's. The risen difference as early Alzheimer's progresses faster any young person. I have to learn to not be better to not question why in trying to live each day the best that I can. This is hard for me to do as I don't see when my mood changing. I have said and done things that are totally on stuff that I would not do. Now in regards to this it makes me afraid to try to do anything. I'm afraid to post I'm afraid the e-mail I'm afraid to talk to people on the phone I'm afraid to cook as I'm constantly burning myself I don't like going out in case I have an accident or a bust into tears.
So am trying to gett o learn all of the things I need to do. I need Joe to help me get my if he is in order but he I believe is in denial still and thinks he can fix me. All of my families that lost enough talk to a couple of them Make jokes makes me laugh I know I'll never see them again, as I can go anywhere by myself and I can't apply. But they know that I love them.
One of my biggest supporters is my sister Lorrie, now Lorrie and I fought all our lives growing up with 10 years apart and we didn't become friends till I turned 40. She is my best friend my confidant sorry and crying and she would do anything for me as I would for her. She's a wonderful smart cantering person who suffers with horrible pain every day of her life. But she always has time for me. The only thing I've been blessed with is that my pain seems to be under control unless I overdo or get upset and then I have a flareup. Lori goes to pain every day of her life and may have no idea out why she crawls up the stairs at seven o'clock at night to go to bed and she has little boys to take care of 10 and 12. This is affecting her horribly it's causing a lot of stress and as you know stress brings down your immune system and causes flares. So in turn that causes me guilt knowing that I am hurting the one person I totally trust besides Joe.
Now I am still trying I know I'm going to get a migraine. I'm scared I spent Monday on the hotline till I finally got a hold of a case manager. I wanted to end I thought with him about with these is that I had was the worst thing that could happen to me. I can't be a wife to Joe, I can't make love and I don't even want him to hold me because I don't feel like a person anymore. Going through this disease walking room to roam forgetting what you're looking for, beginning with the dishes are, actually forgetting why you went into the bathroom. This is a hideous disease and I hope and for a miracle but I think my miracle will come when Jesus carries me home. Well thank you for sharing this journey with me I appreciate all the support and I love you all.
To my sister Maria in case you happen to be reading my blog I do not know what happened I do not know why you shut me out I gave you everything I can since you were six years old I came to your wedding at which you totally ignored me I have baked pleaded ass demanded that we could have time to talk. It is apparent to me that you have no love in your heart. You have no compassion, understanding, and the only people you can relate to is your wife Lisa and all your animals. You have no idea how much you hurt me knowing how sick I am knowing that I will forget your name in my own name and you can find the time to talk to me. Out of the 22 different diagnosis is I have most of them arehereditary and if you love your family that you have now you should be made aware of some of the diseases that you could be carrying all come up against. I will not contact you again I said my goodbyes when I told you I love you I'm not that have begged anybody who ignores me and ignores the fact that the person that did the best they could to raise them is guided be dead in five years. I haven't called you when I read the stories about abuse and you get hurt that's none of my business that your choice. I have not talked about you at all, nor will I ever. I love you Maria I want anything from you. And I know I don't have to worry about you shedding a tear when I'm gone.
The past few days have been very hard for me. I did get to talk to a case manager at the Alhambra's foundation that gave me her name and gave me a lot of info. It is very hard for me to understand, as I have always understood the lupus fibromyalgia hat disease diabetes but this Alzheimer's is kicking my ass.
I found that the temporal lobes of your brain control emotion anger and especially fear year in fear of going out fear of being alone fear that people talking about you fear of death. I have always been a strong person and not afraid of anything or anyone.
The case manager) to explained that all of this was normal. She did state that jet when I need a support group for early onset Alzheimer's. The risen difference as early Alzheimer's progresses faster any young person. I have to learn to not be better to not question why in trying to live each day the best that I can. This is hard for me to do as I don't see when my mood changing. I have said and done things that are totally on stuff that I would not do. Now in regards to this it makes me afraid to try to do anything. I'm afraid to post I'm afraid the e-mail I'm afraid to talk to people on the phone I'm afraid to cook as I'm constantly burning myself I don't like going out in case I have an accident or a bust into tears.
So am trying to gett o learn all of the things I need to do. I need Joe to help me get my if he is in order but he I believe is in denial still and thinks he can fix me. All of my families that lost enough talk to a couple of them Make jokes makes me laugh I know I'll never see them again, as I can go anywhere by myself and I can't apply. But they know that I love them.
One of my biggest supporters is my sister Lorrie, now Lorrie and I fought all our lives growing up with 10 years apart and we didn't become friends till I turned 40. She is my best friend my confidant sorry and crying and she would do anything for me as I would for her. She's a wonderful smart cantering person who suffers with horrible pain every day of her life. But she always has time for me. The only thing I've been blessed with is that my pain seems to be under control unless I overdo or get upset and then I have a flareup. Lori goes to pain every day of her life and may have no idea out why she crawls up the stairs at seven o'clock at night to go to bed and she has little boys to take care of 10 and 12. This is affecting her horribly it's causing a lot of stress and as you know stress brings down your immune system and causes flares. So in turn that causes me guilt knowing that I am hurting the one person I totally trust besides Joe.
Now I am still trying I know I'm going to get a migraine. I'm scared I spent Monday on the hotline till I finally got a hold of a case manager. I wanted to end I thought with him about with these is that I had was the worst thing that could happen to me. I can't be a wife to Joe, I can't make love and I don't even want him to hold me because I don't feel like a person anymore. Going through this disease walking room to roam forgetting what you're looking for, beginning with the dishes are, actually forgetting why you went into the bathroom. This is a hideous disease and I hope and for a miracle but I think my miracle will come when Jesus carries me home. Well thank you for sharing this journey with me I appreciate all the support and I love you all.
To my sister Maria in case you happen to be reading my blog I do not know what happened I do not know why you shut me out I gave you everything I can since you were six years old I came to your wedding at which you totally ignored me I have baked pleaded ass demanded that we could have time to talk. It is apparent to me that you have no love in your heart. You have no compassion, understanding, and the only people you can relate to is your wife Lisa and all your animals. You have no idea how much you hurt me knowing how sick I am knowing that I will forget your name in my own name and you can find the time to talk to me. Out of the 22 different diagnosis is I have most of them arehereditary and if you love your family that you have now you should be made aware of some of the diseases that you could be carrying all come up against. I will not contact you again I said my goodbyes when I told you I love you I'm not that have begged anybody who ignores me and ignores the fact that the person that did the best they could to raise them is guided be dead in five years. I haven't called you when I read the stories about abuse and you get hurt that's none of my business that your choice. I have not talked about you at all, nor will I ever. I love you Maria I want anything from you. And I know I don't have to worry about you shedding a tear when I'm gone.
Monday, January 23, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: THIS IS A LONG JOURNEY.............
My Journey through Alhezimers: THIS IS A LONG JOURNEY.............: I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS, NOT KNOWING EXACTLY WHEN IT WENT FROM WHAT I THOUGHT WAS FIBRO FOG TO ALZ...
THIS IS A LONG JOURNEY.............
I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS, NOT KNOWING EXACTLY WHEN IT WENT FROM WHAT I THOUGHT WAS FIBRO FOG TO ALZHEIMERS, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG BEFOREI AM A SHELL.
MY SYMPTONS ARE GETTING WORSE, I KEEP LOSING THIS, I FORGET MY MEDS, I DRESS HALF ASSED, I AM VERY DEPRESSED AND MOST OF ALL I FEEL LOST.
MY EMOTIONS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE, IM HAPPY THEN SCREAMING. I PICK FIGHTS FOR NO REASON.
I STARTED OUT MAKING WHAT I TOUGHT WAS A JOKE ON MY DAUGHTER IN LAWS POST AND IT ENDED UP INTO A FUL BLOWN DISAGREEMENT, MEBEING THE CAUSE. SHE LOVES ME AND I TORE INTO HER, NOT FAIR.MY SON AND HE ALONG WITH MY GRANDDAUGHTER ARE SUPPOSE TO BE MOVING HERE TO FLORIDA IN A FEW MONTHS TO HELP JOE. WHENMY SON CALLED LAST NIGHT, HE TOLD ME THAT IF HIS WIFE CHOOSE NOT TO COME HERE TO HELP, HE WOULD STAY WITH HER IN NH, WHICH I UNDERSTAND SHE IS HIS WIFE. IF AT THESE EARLY STAGES, SOME OF WHICH I CANNOT EVEN UNDERSTAND, THEY CANT UNDERSTAND THEN I SEE NOT POINT IN HAVING THEM COME HERE TO LIVE. I PRAY THEY WILL VISIT SO I CAN SEE THEM BEFORE I AM GONE, BUT I CANNOT ASK THEM TO PUT THERE LIVES ON HOLD , THEY HAVE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AND A NEW LIFE TOEGHTER. THEY DO NOT NEED ME AS I AM ALWAYS VJUST GOING TO GET WORSE. I DO NOT WANT MY GRANDDAUGHTER TO SEE HAT, SHE LOVES HER PEPE JOE AND WILL ALWAYSHAVE HER.
SOME PEOPLE JOKE AS THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND AND IT IS AN EASIER WAY TO HANDLE IT. THIS I UNDERSTAND. I HAVE A SISTER, WHO WORKED WITH PTS SO SHE KNOWS BUT I HAVE 3 BROTHERS WHO LOVE ME AND MAKE ME LAUGH WITH THERE JOKES.I HAD 2 OTHER SISTERS BUT THEY ARE GONE.
WHAT PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND IS WHAT THIS IS DOING TO ME, I HAVE DEALT WITH 22 DIFFEREN SEROUS ILLNESES AND HELD MY HEAD HIGH BOUNCED BACK TILL I GET A FLAREAND I ALWAYS MAKE IT THROUGH. THE LAST BEING PNEUMONIA AND THEN A PERMANENT PORT IN M CHEST. THE THINGSI CANT DO IS FIND WHICH ROOM I NEED TO BE IN, TO SHOWER MYSELF,TO EAT,TO SLEEP OUT OF FEAR. I WILL NEVER GROW OLD WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, I WILL NEVER SEE MY GRANDAUGHTER GO TO SCHOL. I WILL NEVER GET TO SEE MY 3 OLDEST GRANDCHLDREN THAT I HAVE NOT SEEN IN 7 YRS, THEY WILL NEVER KNOW ME EXCEOT FOR THE FOUL THINGS THERE MOTHER TOLD THEN.I WONT SEE JAYDA GET MARRIED, SEE MY SON AND HIS WIFE CELEBRATE ANNIVERSERIES.IWILL DREWL, BECOME MORE IMCONTANEST AND MY BLUE EYES WILL TURN BLANK.
I HAVE NO FUTURE, NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. I WILL BE A PRISIONER IN MY OWN HOME... WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD WANT TO LIVE LKE THIS. THE RETIREMENT JOE AND I HAD PLANND IS GONE, I MAY HAVE LOST MY BIGGEST DREAM OF HAVING M SN AND FAMILY HERE. I THINK THE BEST GIFT I CAN GIVE THEM IS TO TELL THEM JOE WILL TAKE CAREOF ME AND THEY CANSTAY IN NH AND HAVE A LIFE.
I DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN HANG ON, IF NOT FOR JOE, MY SISTER AND MY FAITH I WOULD NOT BE HERE... SERIOUSLY I WOULD LEAVE THIS PRISION THAT IS MY BRAIN. I WOULD NOT WISH THIS ON ANYONE, NOT EVEN MY WORST ENENMY, IT IS SO EASY TO GO TO SLEEP AND NOT WAKE UP BUT IT IS NOT FAIR TO THOSE I LOVE......THANK YOU FOR LISTENING LOVE YOU
MY SYMPTONS ARE GETTING WORSE, I KEEP LOSING THIS, I FORGET MY MEDS, I DRESS HALF ASSED, I AM VERY DEPRESSED AND MOST OF ALL I FEEL LOST.
MY EMOTIONS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE, IM HAPPY THEN SCREAMING. I PICK FIGHTS FOR NO REASON.
I STARTED OUT MAKING WHAT I TOUGHT WAS A JOKE ON MY DAUGHTER IN LAWS POST AND IT ENDED UP INTO A FUL BLOWN DISAGREEMENT, MEBEING THE CAUSE. SHE LOVES ME AND I TORE INTO HER, NOT FAIR.MY SON AND HE ALONG WITH MY GRANDDAUGHTER ARE SUPPOSE TO BE MOVING HERE TO FLORIDA IN A FEW MONTHS TO HELP JOE. WHENMY SON CALLED LAST NIGHT, HE TOLD ME THAT IF HIS WIFE CHOOSE NOT TO COME HERE TO HELP, HE WOULD STAY WITH HER IN NH, WHICH I UNDERSTAND SHE IS HIS WIFE. IF AT THESE EARLY STAGES, SOME OF WHICH I CANNOT EVEN UNDERSTAND, THEY CANT UNDERSTAND THEN I SEE NOT POINT IN HAVING THEM COME HERE TO LIVE. I PRAY THEY WILL VISIT SO I CAN SEE THEM BEFORE I AM GONE, BUT I CANNOT ASK THEM TO PUT THERE LIVES ON HOLD , THEY HAVE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AND A NEW LIFE TOEGHTER. THEY DO NOT NEED ME AS I AM ALWAYS VJUST GOING TO GET WORSE. I DO NOT WANT MY GRANDDAUGHTER TO SEE HAT, SHE LOVES HER PEPE JOE AND WILL ALWAYSHAVE HER.
SOME PEOPLE JOKE AS THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND AND IT IS AN EASIER WAY TO HANDLE IT. THIS I UNDERSTAND. I HAVE A SISTER, WHO WORKED WITH PTS SO SHE KNOWS BUT I HAVE 3 BROTHERS WHO LOVE ME AND MAKE ME LAUGH WITH THERE JOKES.I HAD 2 OTHER SISTERS BUT THEY ARE GONE.
WHAT PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND IS WHAT THIS IS DOING TO ME, I HAVE DEALT WITH 22 DIFFEREN SEROUS ILLNESES AND HELD MY HEAD HIGH BOUNCED BACK TILL I GET A FLAREAND I ALWAYS MAKE IT THROUGH. THE LAST BEING PNEUMONIA AND THEN A PERMANENT PORT IN M CHEST. THE THINGSI CANT DO IS FIND WHICH ROOM I NEED TO BE IN, TO SHOWER MYSELF,TO EAT,TO SLEEP OUT OF FEAR. I WILL NEVER GROW OLD WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, I WILL NEVER SEE MY GRANDAUGHTER GO TO SCHOL. I WILL NEVER GET TO SEE MY 3 OLDEST GRANDCHLDREN THAT I HAVE NOT SEEN IN 7 YRS, THEY WILL NEVER KNOW ME EXCEOT FOR THE FOUL THINGS THERE MOTHER TOLD THEN.I WONT SEE JAYDA GET MARRIED, SEE MY SON AND HIS WIFE CELEBRATE ANNIVERSERIES.IWILL DREWL, BECOME MORE IMCONTANEST AND MY BLUE EYES WILL TURN BLANK.
I HAVE NO FUTURE, NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. I WILL BE A PRISIONER IN MY OWN HOME... WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD WANT TO LIVE LKE THIS. THE RETIREMENT JOE AND I HAD PLANND IS GONE, I MAY HAVE LOST MY BIGGEST DREAM OF HAVING M SN AND FAMILY HERE. I THINK THE BEST GIFT I CAN GIVE THEM IS TO TELL THEM JOE WILL TAKE CAREOF ME AND THEY CANSTAY IN NH AND HAVE A LIFE.
I DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN HANG ON, IF NOT FOR JOE, MY SISTER AND MY FAITH I WOULD NOT BE HERE... SERIOUSLY I WOULD LEAVE THIS PRISION THAT IS MY BRAIN. I WOULD NOT WISH THIS ON ANYONE, NOT EVEN MY WORST ENENMY, IT IS SO EASY TO GO TO SLEEP AND NOT WAKE UP BUT IT IS NOT FAIR TO THOSE I LOVE......THANK YOU FOR LISTENING LOVE YOU
Thursday, January 19, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: NEW SYMPTONS
My Journey through Alhezimers: NEW SYMPTONS: ONCE AGAIN YOU WILL HAVE TO FORGIVE THE TYPOS. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED THE PAST MONTH. WELL ON THE 20TH OF D...
NEW SYMPTONS
ONCE AGAIN YOU WILL HAVE TO FORGIVE THE TYPOS. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED THE PAST MONTH.
WELL ON THE 20TH OF DEC I GOT PNEUMONIA, THE DR PUT ME ON 2 ANTIBIOTICS WITH REFILLS THEN A COUGH MEDICINE.I WAS SO SICK BUT WE ALL KNOW HOW BUSY IT CAN BE AT CHRISTMAS. I DIDENT GET DRESSED FOR WEEKS IN THE SHOWER. I WAS AFRAID.I HAVE BE ROBBED ATEN
I WAS CONFUSED, TALKING TO MYSELF MORE, BUT AFRAID OF EVERYTHING. YOU WOULD HAVE HAD TO KNOW ME, I HAVE BEEN A FIGHTER ALL MY LIFE, I HAVE BEEN A RUNAWAY SLEEPING ON BENCHES, NO FEAR, ROBBED BY GUNS, KNIVS ECT, NO FEAR.I WAS COCKY AND STRONG. NOTHING GOT ME SCARED
NOW I AM AFRAID TO GO TO THE STRORE INCASE JOE LETS GO OF THE CARRIAGE.I CRY FOR NO REASON.
WELL HAVING THE PNEUMONIA I LISTENED TO PEOPLE YELLING AT ME TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, I COULD NOT BREATH, EAT, AND THE GREEN GUNK WAS COMING FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY LUNGS.
FOR A MONTH I STAED LKE THIS, LOST 16LBS, FOUGHT JOE AND CRAIG EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. WHAT WAS WRONG I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL VERY MANY TIMES.
I COULD NOT REMEMBER WHAT I WAS DOING OR SAYING, I BECAME INCONTINAMT AGAIN CONSTANTLY.
I HAD FINALLY GAVE IN AND WENT OUT OF HERE BY PARAMETICS AS I COULD NOT BREATH. THEY ADMITTED ME RIIGHT AWAY. THEY PUT A PICC LINE IN BUT THE DR DECIDED I NEEDED SURGERY TO HAVE A PERMANANT PORT PUT IN MY CHEST.I HAVE TO GO GET IT FLUSHED ONCE A MONTH, STILL HAVE STICHES.
THE NEURO DR INCREASED MY EXCELON PATCH THEN NEXT MONTH HE IS ADDING A NEW PILL.I AM NOT ABLE TO DO ANY CLINICAL STUDIES DUE TO ALL THE OTHER DISEASE.
HE AND MY PRIMARY GAVE ME MY PROGNOSIS AND I CAN HANDLE TI BECAUSE I AM A CHRISTIAN AND I HAVE BEEN SAVED, SO I AM NOT AFRAID. I DID ASK WHAT TO TELL MY SON AND FAMILY, HE SAID TELL THEM YOU HAVE THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE AND THAT YOU WILL LIVE EACHDAY TO THE FULLEST TILL I GO HOME TO JESUS.IT IS HARD, I GET VERY DEPRESSED BUT WILL NOT TAKE ANTIDEPRESSENTS,IM ON TO MANY MEDS ALREADY, SO JOE WAITS OR ME TO STOP SCREAHMING AND THROWING THINGS , THEN HE HOLDS ME AS I FALL INTO A HEAP ON THE FLOOR CRYING SO BAD.
JOE STILL THINKS HE CAN FIX ME, DENIAL STILL, I CANT FORSE HIM TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE MY MIND WILL SOON BE GONE THEN I WILL. THE OTHER PEOPLE I WORRY ABOUT IS MY SON AND FAMILY. BUT MY SISTER LORRIE WHO IS VERY SICK AND THE LEAST BIT OF WORRY ABOUT ME MAKES HER BODY CRASH AND THE PAIN IS SO BAD I HAVE SEEN IT, SHE HAS TO CRAWL ON ALL FOURS TO GET TO BED, HER PAIN IS SO BAD.
I THINK THE WORST THING ABOUT ALZHEIMERS IS WHAT IT IS DOING TO THOSE I LOVE. I FEEL SO GUILTY ALL THE TIME. SOMETIMES I WISH JESUS WOULD TAKE ME HOME SO THEY CAN MOVE ON WITH THERE LIVES.IF ANYTHING IS GOING TO KILL ME IT IS THE GUILT I FEEL........WELL HOPE YOU CAN READ THIS I LOVE YOU ALL...... TOMORROW I AM GOING T PUT UP MU BUCKETLIST WHILE I STILL HAVE A SENCE OF HUMOR................
WELL ON THE 20TH OF DEC I GOT PNEUMONIA, THE DR PUT ME ON 2 ANTIBIOTICS WITH REFILLS THEN A COUGH MEDICINE.I WAS SO SICK BUT WE ALL KNOW HOW BUSY IT CAN BE AT CHRISTMAS. I DIDENT GET DRESSED FOR WEEKS IN THE SHOWER. I WAS AFRAID.I HAVE BE ROBBED ATEN
I WAS CONFUSED, TALKING TO MYSELF MORE, BUT AFRAID OF EVERYTHING. YOU WOULD HAVE HAD TO KNOW ME, I HAVE BEEN A FIGHTER ALL MY LIFE, I HAVE BEEN A RUNAWAY SLEEPING ON BENCHES, NO FEAR, ROBBED BY GUNS, KNIVS ECT, NO FEAR.I WAS COCKY AND STRONG. NOTHING GOT ME SCARED
NOW I AM AFRAID TO GO TO THE STRORE INCASE JOE LETS GO OF THE CARRIAGE.I CRY FOR NO REASON.
WELL HAVING THE PNEUMONIA I LISTENED TO PEOPLE YELLING AT ME TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, I COULD NOT BREATH, EAT, AND THE GREEN GUNK WAS COMING FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY LUNGS.
FOR A MONTH I STAED LKE THIS, LOST 16LBS, FOUGHT JOE AND CRAIG EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. WHAT WAS WRONG I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL VERY MANY TIMES.
I COULD NOT REMEMBER WHAT I WAS DOING OR SAYING, I BECAME INCONTINAMT AGAIN CONSTANTLY.
I HAD FINALLY GAVE IN AND WENT OUT OF HERE BY PARAMETICS AS I COULD NOT BREATH. THEY ADMITTED ME RIIGHT AWAY. THEY PUT A PICC LINE IN BUT THE DR DECIDED I NEEDED SURGERY TO HAVE A PERMANANT PORT PUT IN MY CHEST.I HAVE TO GO GET IT FLUSHED ONCE A MONTH, STILL HAVE STICHES.
THE NEURO DR INCREASED MY EXCELON PATCH THEN NEXT MONTH HE IS ADDING A NEW PILL.I AM NOT ABLE TO DO ANY CLINICAL STUDIES DUE TO ALL THE OTHER DISEASE.
HE AND MY PRIMARY GAVE ME MY PROGNOSIS AND I CAN HANDLE TI BECAUSE I AM A CHRISTIAN AND I HAVE BEEN SAVED, SO I AM NOT AFRAID. I DID ASK WHAT TO TELL MY SON AND FAMILY, HE SAID TELL THEM YOU HAVE THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE AND THAT YOU WILL LIVE EACHDAY TO THE FULLEST TILL I GO HOME TO JESUS.IT IS HARD, I GET VERY DEPRESSED BUT WILL NOT TAKE ANTIDEPRESSENTS,IM ON TO MANY MEDS ALREADY, SO JOE WAITS OR ME TO STOP SCREAHMING AND THROWING THINGS , THEN HE HOLDS ME AS I FALL INTO A HEAP ON THE FLOOR CRYING SO BAD.
JOE STILL THINKS HE CAN FIX ME, DENIAL STILL, I CANT FORSE HIM TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE MY MIND WILL SOON BE GONE THEN I WILL. THE OTHER PEOPLE I WORRY ABOUT IS MY SON AND FAMILY. BUT MY SISTER LORRIE WHO IS VERY SICK AND THE LEAST BIT OF WORRY ABOUT ME MAKES HER BODY CRASH AND THE PAIN IS SO BAD I HAVE SEEN IT, SHE HAS TO CRAWL ON ALL FOURS TO GET TO BED, HER PAIN IS SO BAD.
I THINK THE WORST THING ABOUT ALZHEIMERS IS WHAT IT IS DOING TO THOSE I LOVE. I FEEL SO GUILTY ALL THE TIME. SOMETIMES I WISH JESUS WOULD TAKE ME HOME SO THEY CAN MOVE ON WITH THERE LIVES.IF ANYTHING IS GOING TO KILL ME IT IS THE GUILT I FEEL........WELL HOPE YOU CAN READ THIS I LOVE YOU ALL...... TOMORROW I AM GOING T PUT UP MU BUCKETLIST WHILE I STILL HAVE A SENCE OF HUMOR................
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
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