My Journey through Alhezimers: just my rant !!!!

My Journey through Alhezimers: just my rant !!!!: Well today this is me, I cancelled my treatment last night and this am as i was riding the porcelion bus.. these meds are making me so sic...

just my rant !!!!

Well today this is me, I cancelled my treatment last night and this am as i was riding the porcelion bus.. these meds are making me so sick.I know I need them bit I am so sick of being sick and I know alot of us feel that way.
     I just got off the phone with my sister lorrie aka lorrie slattery, you should add her to your facebook, she has fibro and alot of other problems with chronic pain ,but she always has time for me, she is my sister and best friend so please add her, our fb family would help her greatly and also if im in the hospital, she has all the info she is my power of attorney.I love her so much, she just hears my voice and knows when something is wrong. today I think I am feeling sorry for myself,I hate being so isolated from ym sister, my son and grandchildren and my daughter in law. my modd makes me sound angry all the time and my words come out wrong and I sond like a bitch. You all know me I am really kind and gentle, and love you all so much.But right now im all swollen, I can hardly walk, the pain is awful, i cannot shower this is my second month , sponge baths only. Joe took me for a pedicure, manicure and to get my hair cut which I appreciate so much but it does not change me on the inside. I do not know if I can keep up this fight. My words hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt and that is my daughter in law Candy, I thought we were so close and I was trying to be the right kinda mother in law but I failed, i give advice when it is not wanted, i send my love which is not believed. She was comng down to help me for a few moths but I could tell after our last conversation, thats the last thing she wanted to do. lord why do i do that, i only give advice to help her and my grandchildren, i do not get involved in their marriage, thats between them, so now i lost a daughter and it hurts bad, like my heart was ripped out. i get to talk to my granddaughters which is good but i may never see them again before i die and that scares me. I know i will see my son, the love of my lfe, the one who will always stand by me and if he could he would be here in a flash to help Joe.My heart is broken over something stupid ................ I love you Candy and would never compare you to anyone else. You are kind, loving and so loving you get hurt by people and I try to prevent that.
                As for my alzheimers, m on namenda, i do need nt to get upset because that affects your memory also. Everytime i get upset i forget things more and thats not good. The dementia will come alot faster if i do not watch it.
              Well I love my family so far away and I love you al from all over the world i get support , prayers and love........................... you mean the world to me.so please add lorrie slattery to the groups and friends. I love you all just needed to vent , time to go back to bed .............