SO SITTING HERE LISTENING TO THE RAIN, IT SOUNDS SO PEACEFUL, YET ME BRAIN IS SCRAMBLED. I AM SAYING AND DONOT REMEMBER, I HAVENT POSTED MY BLOG BECAUSE I I CANNOT TYAT I FEEL, JUST WANTED TO POP ON AND TELL YOU ALL YOU ARE LOVED AND I AM GREATFUL.
IM SAD ALL THE TIME, I FIND NO JOY, THIS IS GETTING ME KNOWWHERE WILL BLOG WHEN I AM LESS DEPRESSED, LESS PAIN , LESS CONFUSED
Monday, October 31, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
IGNORANCE!!!!!!
THIS IS HARD TO BELIEVE AND AGAIN PLEASE EXCUSE MY TYPING.
YESTERDAY I WENT TO BIBLE STUDY BEFORE CHURCH, I RUN INTO PEOPLE WHO WHEN THEY HEAR MY DIAGNOSIS OF ALZHEIMER'S THEY ARE IGNORANT AS TO WHAT ALZHEIMER'S IS.IF ONE MORE PERSON TELLS ME THEY WERE PUT ON SUPPELMETS FOR MEMORY LOSS THAT THEY HAVE ALZHEIMERS IM GOING TO SCREAM.
I AM NEW TO THISAND TRYIN TO LEARN, BUT I DO KNOW, ALZHEIMERS IS NOT PART OF THE AGING PROCESS, MEMORY LOSS IS BUT NOT THIS DISEASE. I WAS TALKING TO A FRIEND IN CHURCH WHEN I SAID IM IN STAGE 2 AND THERE ARE 5 STAGES.SHE SAID THAT WAS NOT TRUE AS SHE HAS ALHEZIMERS AND TAKES GINCO TO HELP HER MEMORY. THERE ARE 2 WAYS TO GET DIAGNOISED, ONE ON AUTOPSY AND THE SECOND A PET SCAN, MY PET SCAN SHOWED, SEVERE HYPO METOBOLIC ATROPHY OF THE BILATERAL TEMPORAL LOBES. I WILL LOSE ALL NEW MEMORIES BUT REMEMBER LONG AGO, I WILL FORGET MY NAME AND JOE'S NAME, I WIL FORGET TO EAT, I WILL APERIATE AND CHOKE, I WILL WANDER,FORGET TO DRESS AND BATH, SO MANY THINGS TILL I WILL BE ONLY A SHELL.
JOE PROMISES TO ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF ME BUT HE DOES NOT REALIZE WHAT HE IS FACING, SOMEONE WHO WILL CALL HIM NAMES, FIGHT HIM, LASH OUT AT HIM, BECOME VIOLENT AND NEED TO BE RESTRAINED.HE WILL BE SHOWERING ME, FEEDING ME, DRESSING ME, I WILL B GONE.HE HAS STUCK BY ME THROUGH ALL OF THE FOLLOWING, SYSTEMIC LUPUS, FIBROMYALGIA, PRIMARY CLOTTING DISEASE, DIABETES, DEPRESSION, NEUROPATHY, BEING UNABLE TO WALK AT TIMES, CHRONIC DVT, HEART DISEASE, ATHROSCLORISIS,STROKE, NEVER COMPLAINED ONCE AND WE HAVE ONLY BEEN MARRIED 9 YRS. AT FIRST WHEN I LEARNED OF HE LATST DIAGNOISIS, I TOLD HIM I WANTED A DIVORCE, HE CRIED THEN GOT ANGRY, HE SAID IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH. I JUST ANT TO BE HIS WIFE BUT CANNOT EVEN MAKE LOVE, WHICH I MISS EVERY MUCH.
ONE OF THEOTHER FACTS ABOUT THIS ILLNESS IS THE YOUNGER YOU GET IT THE FASTER IT PROGRESSES, BY AGE 60 I WILL BE A SHELL, PARTS OF MY BRAIN WILL BE WALNUT SIZE. THESE WILL ALSO KEEP ME FROM WRITTING MY NAME ECT. PEOPLE DO NOT DIE FROM ALHEZIMERS, THEY DIE FROM PHEUMONIA FROM ASPERATING.
PLEASE IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO SAYS THERE MEMORY IS GETTING BAD, DO NOT TELL THEM YOU THINK IT IS ALZHEIMERS, TELL THEM TO GET TESTED. I DID NOT GET TESTED AS I THOUGHT IT WAS FIBRO FOG FOR THE LAST 2 YRS. THERE ARE 2 MEDS EXCELON PATCHES WHICH CAN SLOW DOWN THE DISEASE, ALSO ARICEFT WHICH MAKES ME VERY ILL. THERE ARE CLINICAL STUDIES BUT YOU HAVE TO BE HEALTHY FOR THOSE. I HAVE TURNED THIS IVER TO GOD, HE HAS A PLAN AND WILL HEALME ONE DAY, IN THE MEAN TIME I HAVE JOE MY LOVER, MY FRIEND, NOW MY NURSE, HE WILL NEED ALL OF YOU AS HE IS TRYING TO BE STRONG BUT IS FALLING APART ON THE INSIDE. HE HAS HIS OWN ROOM JOESCORENER ON FB.
I LOVE YOU ALL, AND I LOVE MY SISTER LORRIE WHO IS FAR AWAY BUT LSTENS WHEN I CALL, MY OTHER SIBLINGS HAVE THERE OWN LIVES AND DO NOT CARE. I HAVE A SON THAT IS IN PRISON FOR COMING TO SEEME LAST YR WITHOUT PERMSSION FROM PROBATION, THEY GAVE HIM 1 1/2 TO 7 FOR VISITING HIS SICK MOM. I ONL PRAY IF HE GETS OUT IN MAY I WILL BE BLE TO GET ENOUGH PEOPLE TO CONTACT HIS PO SO I CSN SEE HIM AND MY GRNDCHILDREN BEFORE I AM LOST FOREVER.
ALZHEIMERS IS YET ANOTHER UNSEEN ILLNESS WHERE PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE NOT ILL BECAUSE YOU TRY NOT TO LOOK IT. I TRY TO GET DRESSED EVERYDAY I CAN GET OUT OF BED, I TRY TO PUT MAKEUP ON SO I FEEL BETTER, BUT HELL IM SICK, LIKE SO MANY OF US. ALL MY BEAUIFUL FRIENDS, YOU ARE ALL SO PRETTY AND HEALTHY LOOKING, WE NEED TO STOP THE IGNORANCE............
I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING M BLOG AS IT IS VERY HARD FOR ME TO TYPE BUT IF IT HELPS ONE PERSON, JUST ONE MY LIFE WILL HVE BEEN FOR NOT.. I LOVE YOU AND WILL POST AS LONG AS ICAN
YESTERDAY I WENT TO BIBLE STUDY BEFORE CHURCH, I RUN INTO PEOPLE WHO WHEN THEY HEAR MY DIAGNOSIS OF ALZHEIMER'S THEY ARE IGNORANT AS TO WHAT ALZHEIMER'S IS.IF ONE MORE PERSON TELLS ME THEY WERE PUT ON SUPPELMETS FOR MEMORY LOSS THAT THEY HAVE ALZHEIMERS IM GOING TO SCREAM.
I AM NEW TO THISAND TRYIN TO LEARN, BUT I DO KNOW, ALZHEIMERS IS NOT PART OF THE AGING PROCESS, MEMORY LOSS IS BUT NOT THIS DISEASE. I WAS TALKING TO A FRIEND IN CHURCH WHEN I SAID IM IN STAGE 2 AND THERE ARE 5 STAGES.SHE SAID THAT WAS NOT TRUE AS SHE HAS ALHEZIMERS AND TAKES GINCO TO HELP HER MEMORY. THERE ARE 2 WAYS TO GET DIAGNOISED, ONE ON AUTOPSY AND THE SECOND A PET SCAN, MY PET SCAN SHOWED, SEVERE HYPO METOBOLIC ATROPHY OF THE BILATERAL TEMPORAL LOBES. I WILL LOSE ALL NEW MEMORIES BUT REMEMBER LONG AGO, I WILL FORGET MY NAME AND JOE'S NAME, I WIL FORGET TO EAT, I WILL APERIATE AND CHOKE, I WILL WANDER,FORGET TO DRESS AND BATH, SO MANY THINGS TILL I WILL BE ONLY A SHELL.
JOE PROMISES TO ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF ME BUT HE DOES NOT REALIZE WHAT HE IS FACING, SOMEONE WHO WILL CALL HIM NAMES, FIGHT HIM, LASH OUT AT HIM, BECOME VIOLENT AND NEED TO BE RESTRAINED.HE WILL BE SHOWERING ME, FEEDING ME, DRESSING ME, I WILL B GONE.HE HAS STUCK BY ME THROUGH ALL OF THE FOLLOWING, SYSTEMIC LUPUS, FIBROMYALGIA, PRIMARY CLOTTING DISEASE, DIABETES, DEPRESSION, NEUROPATHY, BEING UNABLE TO WALK AT TIMES, CHRONIC DVT, HEART DISEASE, ATHROSCLORISIS,STROKE, NEVER COMPLAINED ONCE AND WE HAVE ONLY BEEN MARRIED 9 YRS. AT FIRST WHEN I LEARNED OF HE LATST DIAGNOISIS, I TOLD HIM I WANTED A DIVORCE, HE CRIED THEN GOT ANGRY, HE SAID IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH. I JUST ANT TO BE HIS WIFE BUT CANNOT EVEN MAKE LOVE, WHICH I MISS EVERY MUCH.
ONE OF THEOTHER FACTS ABOUT THIS ILLNESS IS THE YOUNGER YOU GET IT THE FASTER IT PROGRESSES, BY AGE 60 I WILL BE A SHELL, PARTS OF MY BRAIN WILL BE WALNUT SIZE. THESE WILL ALSO KEEP ME FROM WRITTING MY NAME ECT. PEOPLE DO NOT DIE FROM ALHEZIMERS, THEY DIE FROM PHEUMONIA FROM ASPERATING.
PLEASE IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO SAYS THERE MEMORY IS GETTING BAD, DO NOT TELL THEM YOU THINK IT IS ALZHEIMERS, TELL THEM TO GET TESTED. I DID NOT GET TESTED AS I THOUGHT IT WAS FIBRO FOG FOR THE LAST 2 YRS. THERE ARE 2 MEDS EXCELON PATCHES WHICH CAN SLOW DOWN THE DISEASE, ALSO ARICEFT WHICH MAKES ME VERY ILL. THERE ARE CLINICAL STUDIES BUT YOU HAVE TO BE HEALTHY FOR THOSE. I HAVE TURNED THIS IVER TO GOD, HE HAS A PLAN AND WILL HEALME ONE DAY, IN THE MEAN TIME I HAVE JOE MY LOVER, MY FRIEND, NOW MY NURSE, HE WILL NEED ALL OF YOU AS HE IS TRYING TO BE STRONG BUT IS FALLING APART ON THE INSIDE. HE HAS HIS OWN ROOM JOESCORENER ON FB.
I LOVE YOU ALL, AND I LOVE MY SISTER LORRIE WHO IS FAR AWAY BUT LSTENS WHEN I CALL, MY OTHER SIBLINGS HAVE THERE OWN LIVES AND DO NOT CARE. I HAVE A SON THAT IS IN PRISON FOR COMING TO SEEME LAST YR WITHOUT PERMSSION FROM PROBATION, THEY GAVE HIM 1 1/2 TO 7 FOR VISITING HIS SICK MOM. I ONL PRAY IF HE GETS OUT IN MAY I WILL BE BLE TO GET ENOUGH PEOPLE TO CONTACT HIS PO SO I CSN SEE HIM AND MY GRNDCHILDREN BEFORE I AM LOST FOREVER.
ALZHEIMERS IS YET ANOTHER UNSEEN ILLNESS WHERE PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE NOT ILL BECAUSE YOU TRY NOT TO LOOK IT. I TRY TO GET DRESSED EVERYDAY I CAN GET OUT OF BED, I TRY TO PUT MAKEUP ON SO I FEEL BETTER, BUT HELL IM SICK, LIKE SO MANY OF US. ALL MY BEAUIFUL FRIENDS, YOU ARE ALL SO PRETTY AND HEALTHY LOOKING, WE NEED TO STOP THE IGNORANCE............
I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING M BLOG AS IT IS VERY HARD FOR ME TO TYPE BUT IF IT HELPS ONE PERSON, JUST ONE MY LIFE WILL HVE BEEN FOR NOT.. I LOVE YOU AND WILL POST AS LONG AS ICAN
Thursday, October 20, 2011
WELL I FINALLY DID IT
WELL FOLKS I FINALLY CALED THE ALZHEIMERS FOUNDATION OF AMERICA. IT WAS ON OF THE HARDEST CALLS I EVER MADE, TO SAY OUT LOUD I HAVE ALZHEIMERS.IT HURT, BUT I FOUND A SOCIAL WORKER WHO KNEW EXACTLY HOW I FELT. THEY ARE SENDING OUT ALOT OF INFO FOR JOE.
JOE AS MOST OF YOU KNOW IS MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND AND NOW CARE GIVER. I HAD TO SIT HIM DOWNAND TELL HOW HE WILL FEEL TAKING CARE OF ME AND I EXPLAINED IT IS ALL NORMAL. IT HURT HIM WHEN I TOLD HIM THERE WOULD BE DAYS WHEN HE WILL GET ANGRY WITH ME, THAT HE WILL HATE ME, WISH I WAS NOT HERE ECT, HE GOT UPSET AND SAID THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN BUT THE SW AGREED WITH ME AND SAID HE NEEDS TO KNOW HE WILL CAN CAN FEEL THIS WAY WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY.
NOW I CANNOT THINK OF JOE HAVING THESE FEELINGS BUT I HAVE BEENA CAREGIVER TO A LOVED ONE AND THE FEELINGS ARE REAL.
I HAVE ACCEPTED JOE'S DENIAL FOR NOW, I SEE THE LOVE IN HIS EYES, I CAN FEL IT IN HIS HUGS, BUT I ALSO SEE FEAR AS HE TALKS ME THROUGH A SEZIURE........
AS FOR ME, I NOTICE I AM FORGETTING MORE THINGS,TRYING TO COOK HAS BECOME A CHORE, TURNING THE WASHER AND DRYER ON ALSO. I DO NOT LIKE TO GET DRESSED I WOULD RATHER STAY IN MY PJ'S WITH A BLANKET THROWN OVER MY HEAD, NOT LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, WONDERING WHERE AM I GOING TO GO IN MY MIND. I KNOW I WILL NOT FORGET THE PAST SO I AM TOLD AND IT IS SUPPOSE TO BE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER TYPES OF DEMENTIA, BUT I CANNOT LET GO OF THIS FEAR. I WANT MY FAMILY, I WANT MY SON, GRANCHILDREN ECT. THE DEPRESSION IS GETTING WORSE, THE MEDS NOT WORKING, THE ANTI ANXIETY PILLS WERE INCREASED THEY HELP. I ALSO GET SEASONAL DEPRESSON WHICH DOES NOT HELP. I DID DECIDE TO STAY IN FLORIDA WITH MY CHURCH FAMLY AND FRIENDS, BEING CLOSE TO JESUS HELPS FOR IF I WERE NOT SAVED AND NOT HAVE THE LOVE OF JOE, I CAN SAY FOR SURE, I WOULD NOT SUFFER ANY LONGER, I HAVE DEALT WITH THE LUPUS AND ALL THE OTHER DISEASE BUT I NEVER WANTED TO LIVE IF MY BRAINWAS DAMAGED, SO I PRAISE GOD FOR SENDING ME THE HOLY SPIRT TO ME, FOR IF JESUS DID NOT LIVE IN MY HEART, I WOULD HAVE TAKEN MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS,JESUS WILL TAKE ME AND HEAL ME WHEN HE IS READY, FOR NOW I WILL DEPEND ON THE LOVE OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND HAVING THE COMFORT THAT I KNOW I AM NEVER ALONE............
JOE AS MOST OF YOU KNOW IS MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND AND NOW CARE GIVER. I HAD TO SIT HIM DOWNAND TELL HOW HE WILL FEEL TAKING CARE OF ME AND I EXPLAINED IT IS ALL NORMAL. IT HURT HIM WHEN I TOLD HIM THERE WOULD BE DAYS WHEN HE WILL GET ANGRY WITH ME, THAT HE WILL HATE ME, WISH I WAS NOT HERE ECT, HE GOT UPSET AND SAID THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN BUT THE SW AGREED WITH ME AND SAID HE NEEDS TO KNOW HE WILL CAN CAN FEEL THIS WAY WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY.
NOW I CANNOT THINK OF JOE HAVING THESE FEELINGS BUT I HAVE BEENA CAREGIVER TO A LOVED ONE AND THE FEELINGS ARE REAL.
I HAVE ACCEPTED JOE'S DENIAL FOR NOW, I SEE THE LOVE IN HIS EYES, I CAN FEL IT IN HIS HUGS, BUT I ALSO SEE FEAR AS HE TALKS ME THROUGH A SEZIURE........
AS FOR ME, I NOTICE I AM FORGETTING MORE THINGS,TRYING TO COOK HAS BECOME A CHORE, TURNING THE WASHER AND DRYER ON ALSO. I DO NOT LIKE TO GET DRESSED I WOULD RATHER STAY IN MY PJ'S WITH A BLANKET THROWN OVER MY HEAD, NOT LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, WONDERING WHERE AM I GOING TO GO IN MY MIND. I KNOW I WILL NOT FORGET THE PAST SO I AM TOLD AND IT IS SUPPOSE TO BE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER TYPES OF DEMENTIA, BUT I CANNOT LET GO OF THIS FEAR. I WANT MY FAMILY, I WANT MY SON, GRANCHILDREN ECT. THE DEPRESSION IS GETTING WORSE, THE MEDS NOT WORKING, THE ANTI ANXIETY PILLS WERE INCREASED THEY HELP. I ALSO GET SEASONAL DEPRESSON WHICH DOES NOT HELP. I DID DECIDE TO STAY IN FLORIDA WITH MY CHURCH FAMLY AND FRIENDS, BEING CLOSE TO JESUS HELPS FOR IF I WERE NOT SAVED AND NOT HAVE THE LOVE OF JOE, I CAN SAY FOR SURE, I WOULD NOT SUFFER ANY LONGER, I HAVE DEALT WITH THE LUPUS AND ALL THE OTHER DISEASE BUT I NEVER WANTED TO LIVE IF MY BRAINWAS DAMAGED, SO I PRAISE GOD FOR SENDING ME THE HOLY SPIRT TO ME, FOR IF JESUS DID NOT LIVE IN MY HEART, I WOULD HAVE TAKEN MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS,JESUS WILL TAKE ME AND HEAL ME WHEN HE IS READY, FOR NOW I WILL DEPEND ON THE LOVE OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND HAVING THE COMFORT THAT I KNOW I AM NEVER ALONE............
Friday, October 14, 2011
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE !!
FIRST OFF, YOU WILL ALLHAVE TO FORGIVE ME FOR THE POOR TYPING. MY MIND DOES NOT WORK LIKE MY HANDS ANYMORE AND IT,COMES OUT BACKWARDS OR DROPS A SENTANCE ECT.
YOU KNOW YOU GET PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE, MOST OF THETIME YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON,THE PEOPLE I VALUE THE MOST BESIDES MY SISTER LORRIE IS MY SISTERS I HAVE MET ON FACEBOOK.WHY DID GOD PUT YOU ALL IN MY LIFE?HOW DID HE FIND SUCH A GROUP OF STRONG WOMAN, EVERYONE AS ILL AS MYSELF TO OFFER UP LOVE AND PRAYERS AND TAKE THE TIME TO LET YOU KNOW THEY ARE HERE FOR YOU.IT FILLS MY HEART WITH WARMTH AND JOY. THE FIRST THING I DO WHEN I AWAKE IS TO GET MY COFFEE AND GO TO MY FACEBOOK TO SEE MY FAMILY, TO SEE HOW YOU ALL ARE, TO SEE WHO NEEDS EXTRA PRAYERS. HOWBLESSED I AM TO HAVE ALL OF YOU,I WILL NEVER KNOW GOD'S PLAN FOR ME, BUT I WILL ALWAYS BE GREATFUL.
NOW GETTING TO THIS ALHEZIMERS THING, I AM GETTING MORE AFRAID EVERYDAY, I HAVE READ ALL THE MATERIAL FROM THE MAYO CLINIC AND THE EARLIER YOU GET IT THE FASTER IT PROGRESSES. I AM ON MEDS FOR IT, MY DOORS NOW HAVE ALARMS INCASE I GO OUT AT NIGHT, I WEAR A PAL ALERT BUTTON WHICH HAS A GPS ON IT, SO IN THAT WAY IM COVERED, BUT IM SCARED, I KNOW I WILL NEVER BE ALONE AS I HAVE MY HUSBAND JOE, WHO BESIDES LOVE I SEE FEAR IN HIS EYES. I HAVE MY SISTER LORRIE AND I WILL ALWAYS HAVE MY SON AND HIS FAMILY, BUT WHEN WILL I BE GONE? WHEN WILL I FORGET THE LOVE I ONCE KNEW?I CRY THEN I GET A MIGRAINE, I KNOW YOU KNOW HOWTHAT GOES. I HAVE DEALT WITH ILLNESS ALL MY LIFE, BUT HAVE ALWAYS BEEN GREATFUL MY BRAIN HAS NEVER BEEN PERMENTLY AFFECTED, EVEN WHEN I HAD MY STROKE. BUT NOW MY BRAIN IS ATROPHYING, SHRINKING AWAY. I DO NOT WANT TO SHRINK AWAY, I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING, PRAYED, BARGINED, PLEADED, DENIED, BUT IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY FUTURE, I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW, YOU ARE SO SPECIAL TO ME, AND ARE LOVED FOREVER, YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THESE MONTHS OF TEARS, LAUGHTER AND JOY THAT YOU HAVE EACH BROUGHT INTO MY LIFE, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU KNOW YOU GET PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE, MOST OF THETIME YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON,THE PEOPLE I VALUE THE MOST BESIDES MY SISTER LORRIE IS MY SISTERS I HAVE MET ON FACEBOOK.WHY DID GOD PUT YOU ALL IN MY LIFE?HOW DID HE FIND SUCH A GROUP OF STRONG WOMAN, EVERYONE AS ILL AS MYSELF TO OFFER UP LOVE AND PRAYERS AND TAKE THE TIME TO LET YOU KNOW THEY ARE HERE FOR YOU.IT FILLS MY HEART WITH WARMTH AND JOY. THE FIRST THING I DO WHEN I AWAKE IS TO GET MY COFFEE AND GO TO MY FACEBOOK TO SEE MY FAMILY, TO SEE HOW YOU ALL ARE, TO SEE WHO NEEDS EXTRA PRAYERS. HOWBLESSED I AM TO HAVE ALL OF YOU,I WILL NEVER KNOW GOD'S PLAN FOR ME, BUT I WILL ALWAYS BE GREATFUL.
NOW GETTING TO THIS ALHEZIMERS THING, I AM GETTING MORE AFRAID EVERYDAY, I HAVE READ ALL THE MATERIAL FROM THE MAYO CLINIC AND THE EARLIER YOU GET IT THE FASTER IT PROGRESSES. I AM ON MEDS FOR IT, MY DOORS NOW HAVE ALARMS INCASE I GO OUT AT NIGHT, I WEAR A PAL ALERT BUTTON WHICH HAS A GPS ON IT, SO IN THAT WAY IM COVERED, BUT IM SCARED, I KNOW I WILL NEVER BE ALONE AS I HAVE MY HUSBAND JOE, WHO BESIDES LOVE I SEE FEAR IN HIS EYES. I HAVE MY SISTER LORRIE AND I WILL ALWAYS HAVE MY SON AND HIS FAMILY, BUT WHEN WILL I BE GONE? WHEN WILL I FORGET THE LOVE I ONCE KNEW?I CRY THEN I GET A MIGRAINE, I KNOW YOU KNOW HOWTHAT GOES. I HAVE DEALT WITH ILLNESS ALL MY LIFE, BUT HAVE ALWAYS BEEN GREATFUL MY BRAIN HAS NEVER BEEN PERMENTLY AFFECTED, EVEN WHEN I HAD MY STROKE. BUT NOW MY BRAIN IS ATROPHYING, SHRINKING AWAY. I DO NOT WANT TO SHRINK AWAY, I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING, PRAYED, BARGINED, PLEADED, DENIED, BUT IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY FUTURE, I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW, YOU ARE SO SPECIAL TO ME, AND ARE LOVED FOREVER, YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THESE MONTHS OF TEARS, LAUGHTER AND JOY THAT YOU HAVE EACH BROUGHT INTO MY LIFE, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
ANOTHER DAY OR IS IT?
HELLO FOLKS, SORRY I HAVE NOT KEPT UP WITH MY BLOG AS I DO DO KNOW SOME OF YOU DO CARE.
THIS HAD BEEN A WEIRD WEEK, FIRST FB GAVE ME A VIRUS 100.00 LATER MY DOG GETS SICK, SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND. SHE WAS SO INFESTED WITH FLEAS, AFTER ALL THE MONEY WE SPENT ON FROUNTLINE, ECT, DIPS, COLLARS, NONE OF THEM WORK. DR GAVE HER ONE PILL A MONTH, WITHIN 6 HRS HE HAD NOT ONE FLEA, AMAZING, WE DICHINTOT SCRAD THE RUGS AND GOT HER A NEW BED, HER FUR SINCE SHULD GROW BACK SINCE SHE IS NOT SCRATCHING. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH MY TYPING I KEEP MESSING UP AND HSVE TO DELETE, COPY AND PASTE ALL THE TIME., WELL STILL CANT SEE NEURO TILL THE 13 OF DEC, AM HA VING SEZIURES DO NOT KNOW WHY THEY CAN START WITH ME FEELING FUZZY OR CAN START IN MY SLEEP, JOE SAID IT IS WORSE THEN, MY WHOLE BODY GOES NUTS. PROMISED I WILL GO TO THE HOSP NEXT TIME I T HAPPENS.
WELL IT HAS BEEN A COUPLE OF MONTHS NOW AND I CANT GRASP THE FACT THAT MY BRAIN IS DYING I FIGHT TO REMEMBER THINGS.WHEN WILL I BE GONE,? WILL I JUST WAKE UP ONE DAY AND FIND I DO NOT KNOW JOE? OR MY FRIENDS OR WHO I AM? THEY SAY IS YOU GET IT BEFORE AGE 65 IT PROGRESSS FASTER. JOE GOT ME A PAL BUTTON FOR MY NECK WITH THE WHOLE ALARM SYSTEM IT IS A REALLY GOOD ONE, YOU CAN PUSH IT FOR ANY REASON LIKE BEING STUCK ON A STEP LADDER, SOMEONE DONT KNOW AT THE DOOR, , THEY WILL LISTEN TILL YOU TELL THEM IT IS OK, CAN PUSH IT AS OFTEN AS NEEDED NO CHARGE, JOE ALSO ALARMED THE DOORS SO I CANNOT GO OUT AND WANDER AT NIGHT, ONCE HE GOES TO BED HE SETS THE ALARM. I FEEL LIKE A PRISIONER OR A CHILD, IM SCARED ALL THE MY TYPING KEEPS MESSING UP, COMING OUT BACKWARDS AND SUCH. I AM SO OVERWELMED. I PRAY AND PRAY, STARTED GOING BACK TO BIBLE SUDY , DOING ALL I CAN BUTT NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING. PLEASE LET ME SEE MY SON AND FAMILY, LET MY MEMORIES STAY, I CAN TAKE ALL THIS PAIN I HAVE BEEN IVEN, ALL THIS DISEASE BUT NOT THIS, NOT MY BRAIN, CANT TYPE TODAY WILL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW, LOVE YOU ALL........... SORRY
THIS HAD BEEN A WEIRD WEEK, FIRST FB GAVE ME A VIRUS 100.00 LATER MY DOG GETS SICK, SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND. SHE WAS SO INFESTED WITH FLEAS, AFTER ALL THE MONEY WE SPENT ON FROUNTLINE, ECT, DIPS, COLLARS, NONE OF THEM WORK. DR GAVE HER ONE PILL A MONTH, WITHIN 6 HRS HE HAD NOT ONE FLEA, AMAZING, WE DICHINTOT SCRAD THE RUGS AND GOT HER A NEW BED, HER FUR SINCE SHULD GROW BACK SINCE SHE IS NOT SCRATCHING. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH MY TYPING I KEEP MESSING UP AND HSVE TO DELETE, COPY AND PASTE ALL THE TIME., WELL STILL CANT SEE NEURO TILL THE 13 OF DEC, AM HA VING SEZIURES DO NOT KNOW WHY THEY CAN START WITH ME FEELING FUZZY OR CAN START IN MY SLEEP, JOE SAID IT IS WORSE THEN, MY WHOLE BODY GOES NUTS. PROMISED I WILL GO TO THE HOSP NEXT TIME I T HAPPENS.
WELL IT HAS BEEN A COUPLE OF MONTHS NOW AND I CANT GRASP THE FACT THAT MY BRAIN IS DYING I FIGHT TO REMEMBER THINGS.WHEN WILL I BE GONE,? WILL I JUST WAKE UP ONE DAY AND FIND I DO NOT KNOW JOE? OR MY FRIENDS OR WHO I AM? THEY SAY IS YOU GET IT BEFORE AGE 65 IT PROGRESSS FASTER. JOE GOT ME A PAL BUTTON FOR MY NECK WITH THE WHOLE ALARM SYSTEM IT IS A REALLY GOOD ONE, YOU CAN PUSH IT FOR ANY REASON LIKE BEING STUCK ON A STEP LADDER, SOMEONE DONT KNOW AT THE DOOR, , THEY WILL LISTEN TILL YOU TELL THEM IT IS OK, CAN PUSH IT AS OFTEN AS NEEDED NO CHARGE, JOE ALSO ALARMED THE DOORS SO I CANNOT GO OUT AND WANDER AT NIGHT, ONCE HE GOES TO BED HE SETS THE ALARM. I FEEL LIKE A PRISIONER OR A CHILD, IM SCARED ALL THE MY TYPING KEEPS MESSING UP, COMING OUT BACKWARDS AND SUCH. I AM SO OVERWELMED. I PRAY AND PRAY, STARTED GOING BACK TO BIBLE SUDY , DOING ALL I CAN BUTT NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING. PLEASE LET ME SEE MY SON AND FAMILY, LET MY MEMORIES STAY, I CAN TAKE ALL THIS PAIN I HAVE BEEN IVEN, ALL THIS DISEASE BUT NOT THIS, NOT MY BRAIN, CANT TYPE TODAY WILL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW, LOVE YOU ALL........... SORRY
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE
IM SCARED AS HELL, . YES MY LOVE JOE IS HERE BUT THIS IS KILLING HIM ALSO. I AM SO ANGRY I WANT TO SCREAM, CRY, ALL OF THAT BUT MOSTLY IM TIRED OF IT ALL. I WANT ME BACK ........WHERE HAVE I GONE, CSNT EVEN TYPE ANYMORE, MY ONLY CONNECTION TO MY FRIENDS AND I CANT DO IT, I JUST WANT TO SLEEP...........SORRY REALLY BAD BAD DAY AND I WANT IT TO END .............
Monday, October 3, 2011
My Journey through Alhezimers: WELL HAVE MY COMPUTER BACK
My Journey through Alhezimers: WELL HAVE MY COMPUTER BACK: WELL AFTER NOT BLOGGING FOR AFEW DAYS, IM AT ALOSS FOR WORDS. I VISITED WITH AN OLD FRIEND I HAVE NOT SEEN IN 25EARS, IT WAS GREAT ALOT OF M...
WELL HAVE MY COMPUTER BACK
WELL AFTER NOT BLOGGING FOR AFEW DAYS, IM AT ALOSS FOR WORDS. I VISITED WITH AN OLD FRIEND I HAVE NOT SEEN IN 25EARS, IT WAS GREAT ALOT OF MEMORIES, BUT I HAD A HARD TIME MEKING DINNER.
JOE IS STILL IN DENIAL, HE KEEPS SAYING YOU WILL BE FINE. I DID WHAT I SAID I WOULD NOT DO AND LOOKED UP TJE DISEASE ON THE MAYO CLINIC SITE. IT SAID PEOPLE WHOGET IT UNDER AGE 65 THE SYMPTONS COME ALONG FASTER. SO NOW I MSCARED REALLY SCARED, THEY SAY THEPT WILL NOT NOTICE NOR REMEMBER BUT FAMILY ANDFRIENDS WILL. I CANT WRITE TO MUCH TODAY AS ICANNOT STOP CRYING, HOWCAN YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE NOT KNOWINGG WHEN YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG OR STUPID. I THINK I WILL TAKE A SHOWER THEN CHECK IN WITH MY FB SISTERSAND BROTHERS.............JOE, MY CHURCH , MY ONE SISTER LORRIE, THE OTHER SIBLINGSONT CAREAND ALL OF YOU..............I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH AND DO NOT WANT TO LOSE YOU
JOE IS STILL IN DENIAL, HE KEEPS SAYING YOU WILL BE FINE. I DID WHAT I SAID I WOULD NOT DO AND LOOKED UP TJE DISEASE ON THE MAYO CLINIC SITE. IT SAID PEOPLE WHOGET IT UNDER AGE 65 THE SYMPTONS COME ALONG FASTER. SO NOW I MSCARED REALLY SCARED, THEY SAY THEPT WILL NOT NOTICE NOR REMEMBER BUT FAMILY ANDFRIENDS WILL. I CANT WRITE TO MUCH TODAY AS ICANNOT STOP CRYING, HOWCAN YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE NOT KNOWINGG WHEN YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG OR STUPID. I THINK I WILL TAKE A SHOWER THEN CHECK IN WITH MY FB SISTERSAND BROTHERS.............JOE, MY CHURCH , MY ONE SISTER LORRIE, THE OTHER SIBLINGSONT CAREAND ALL OF YOU..............I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH AND DO NOT WANT TO LOSE YOU
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