My brother Michael

This was the only way I could figure out how to share this,thank you all for your support

Michael F. Kneeland, of Plymouth, formerly of Quincy, passed away after a long illness June 21, at the age of 55. He is survived by his children, Michael Kneeland Jr., and Jaime Steinberg, John Steinberg and Jillian Steinberg. He was the loving brother of Donna Morin and her husband Joe of Florida, Donald and his wife Cynthia of Plymouth, George of Plymouth, Lorrie Slattery and her husband Richard of NH, Maria Dean and her wife Lisa of Brockton and the late Catherine McKenna. He also leaves his friend, Janet Barry of Quincy; his Goddaughter, Amanda Kneeland of Plymouth; four grandchildren; and many nieces and nephews. Michael had a passion for history and served in the U.S. Marine Corps during Vietnam and was a member of the American Legion in Quincy. Visiting hours will be held at the Richard Davis Funeral Home, 373 Court St. (Rte. 3A), N. Plymouth, Wednesday, June 26, from 7 to 9 p.m. A graveside service will be held Thursday, June 27, at 10 a.m. at the Massachusetts National Cemetery in Bourne. In lieu of flowers, donations in his memory may be made to the New England Center for Homeless Veterans, 17 Court St., Boston, MA 02108, or at www.nechv.org. Online condolences may be made at richarddavisfuneralhome.com. Published in The Patriot Ledger on June 25, 2013 Print | View Guest Book Related Memorial Sites Marines Helpful Links Additional Resources Donate to Charity How To Submit An Obituary Find Advice & Support Funeral Etiquette What to Say to the Bereaved Return to today's Obituaries for The Patriot Ledger test Hide Share Remember with My Memorials Twitter Email Remember with My Memorials™ Enable social reading to share important obituaries with your friends. What is My Memorials? Visit My Memorials on Facebook Follow this Obituary Remember on Facebook Follow via email *Please enter a valid email address. Bookmark this memorial on Facebook with the My Memorials™ application. My Memorials™ helps you honor departed family members, friends, and even favorite celebrities – all on your Facebook page. Thank you. You have now memorialized on Facebook. The My Memorials Facebook app allows you to: Connect with memorials that are important to you. Get updates on your memorials in your Facebook News Feed. Share your memories with your Facebook friends. VIEW YOUR MY MEMORIALS PAGE OR Return to Obituary No, ThanksGO CLOSE Close

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Angry, sad, and round and round a go

You now for the first under my life I suffered unbearable unspeakable abuse. At 17 I have a son Scott G love and call my own. Well the first five years I struggled I worked did the best I could to take care my son but I had my mother that told me all the wrong things.

Now in my 20s I did everything you can imagine and more, I lived on the streets I did drive this I had affairs and then married someone 27 years old on the me I had become a perfect trophy wife.

Then come to find out I inherited a lot of my mother's illness. I was diagnosed with systemic lupus rheumatoid arthritis atherosclerosis congestive heart failure coronary at every disease curriculum vascular disease. I then met they made her my dreams and to after only two months of marriage spends it in ICU with me with pericarditis. From then on they have been countless surgeries hospital procedures kinds of doctors all saying oh you poor girl. You know I got through it, I got through it with my faith in Jesus, my love for my husband and from one sibling my sister Lorrie.

The next bomb was to come three years ago when my memory steady going and they did a memory test in the office and said I want more testing I think you have Alzheimer's it took my breath away, how much more could one person take. I had worked with thousands patients with Alzheimer's and I knew what to face. But they couldn't be so cruel this was in that happened to me. I was immediately scheduled for a pet scan. Being me I was unable to wait until the doctor called me I went to pick up the report myself first page Snowmass no fluid on the brain etc. etc. and trying to the second page ends our surveyor hypo-metabolic atrophy of the bilateral temporal lobes consistent with early-stage Alzheimer's. At first I panicked, I couldn't breathe I screamed as they pounded the dashboard and then out of the blue I said to Joe, now you can take me to the vet and have a chip put in.

The next day my doctor called and said he had his see me right away, I went to his office and told him I already knew. I spent the next several months angry but I did have my church family in my faith and a good friend Diane told me to go home and read the book of Job which I did and still do to this day.

Now what I'm facing since the new scan showed dementia people a more demented than me. All I say and do is twisted and turned left upside down to what they think I should be saying. I'm not allowed an opinion, I'm not allowed to have a thought as everything I say and do is wrong. The people that I love the most Hurt me the most unknowingly I find myself becoming more reclusive spending more time in my PJs not answering the phone not going to church for fear of saying something wrong are having a seizure. I'll did I mention I'm top of this I am a very bad diabetic my right leg is turning black my toes are curling and I can't take much more. If it was not from my faith in Jesus this would've been over years ago.

I'm blessed with Joe who continues to love me too is made that commitment to get the materials that he needs to help me live the rest of my life. I have my son Scott said he wouldn't trade me as a parent followed parents in the world that broke my heart as I spent so much time away from him. So I'm taken the horse by the rains and am living my life I said my life the way I want to and I don't give a damn what people have to think anymore it's my life my journey my walk and ultimately my death. Thank you all for following this I hope someday it's collected and used to help people.

Been a while shoot me please

 Well hello everyone, it has been a while since I said I would follow this through. This blog is very difficult for me to do as it reveals my deepest thoughts and fears moods ECT.
A lot has happened since I last posted the second scan that I got showed dementia was sitting in. A fine now that I cannot remember what I had for dinner the night before. I keep forgetting conversations that I've had with my husband.

He was really upset last week when he couldn't find me at 2 AM and he found me sleeping outside in the carport. I'm afraid of the dark so that was difficult for me. I need help getting dressed. I find myself staring out into nothing in constantly hearing what you thinking, I'm not thinking anything I'm just blank.

I was talking to my doctor about the seizures I've been happening she told me that between the strokes the CIA's concussions blood supply all of that contributes to my seizures. I find that the simplest task of making dinner which I love to do I get frustrated I can find things I can't remember recipes and I get angry then comes the seizures. I have them when I'm sleeping and it scares Joe to death. I really want my son can be in my granddaughters here but is that being selfish do I need them around to watch me fall into nothingness? It hurts so bad to try to figure out what is right and what is wrong when I don't even know.

It's a love my family on Facebook and my church family let me know somebody's always there. Hottest thing I'm facing now is to know I can't travel and I can't see my brothers. One brother is very ill and apparently my other brothers are too busy with your own lives to come see me before I die. Oh did I begin to tell you, forget to tell you let me remind you I have 33 different diagnoses. The primary one being systemic lupus atherosclerosis in large part poor balance due to her stroke three primary client and disorders with the mu gene, I also have obstructive sleep apnea and yes worst of all diabetes insulin-dependent. I mention this because the other night Joe always gives me my long acting insulin I forgot he gave it to me" so I gave it to myself again I dropped my sugar to 40. New and final paragraph

My best friend through all of this has been my sister Lori she also was very L but she is my greatest supporter as I go through this. She knows a lot about Alzheimer's on a lot of things she says hurts my feelings and knows she doesn't mean it didn't always seems like she's judging me while correcting me and I feel I cant be honest with her so I just say yes and drop it. It hurts that she so far away and I miss my nephews but I'm never going to be me again and I am so angry that I can't see straight. I would not wish this on my worst enemy and I hope those of you that follow will understand how we feel at this stage in the disease.

I do want you all to reach out to Joe, he is on Facebook under Joe Morin, he has no clue as to what he's in for. I've been through this with patients have had any jazzing no or realize that I'm leaving him in my mind. We just renewed violence in God's house and I will always be his wife but I'm glad to become childlike keys than half the base of me be me dress me restrain me fight me off as a throw things that are Jake God please help them understand and get help. I love you Joseph Michael Morin. Well I guess that's enough for today I'm in tears now I have got to leave but I will keep posting again as long as my brain functions. To those of you who have family with Alzheimer's learn about it, study it and always remember the person before you is not a child is the person you love night

My Journey through Alhezimers: just my rant !!!!

My Journey through Alhezimers: just my rant !!!!: Well today this is me, I cancelled my treatment last night and this am as i was riding the porcelion bus.. these meds are making me so sic...

just my rant !!!!

Well today this is me, I cancelled my treatment last night and this am as i was riding the porcelion bus.. these meds are making me so sick.I know I need them bit I am so sick of being sick and I know alot of us feel that way.
     I just got off the phone with my sister lorrie aka lorrie slattery, you should add her to your facebook, she has fibro and alot of other problems with chronic pain ,but she always has time for me, she is my sister and best friend so please add her, our fb family would help her greatly and also if im in the hospital, she has all the info she is my power of attorney.I love her so much, she just hears my voice and knows when something is wrong. today I think I am feeling sorry for myself,I hate being so isolated from ym sister, my son and grandchildren and my daughter in law. my modd makes me sound angry all the time and my words come out wrong and I sond like a bitch. You all know me I am really kind and gentle, and love you all so much.But right now im all swollen, I can hardly walk, the pain is awful, i cannot shower this is my second month , sponge baths only. Joe took me for a pedicure, manicure and to get my hair cut which I appreciate so much but it does not change me on the inside. I do not know if I can keep up this fight. My words hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt and that is my daughter in law Candy, I thought we were so close and I was trying to be the right kinda mother in law but I failed, i give advice when it is not wanted, i send my love which is not believed. She was comng down to help me for a few moths but I could tell after our last conversation, thats the last thing she wanted to do. lord why do i do that, i only give advice to help her and my grandchildren, i do not get involved in their marriage, thats between them, so now i lost a daughter and it hurts bad, like my heart was ripped out. i get to talk to my granddaughters which is good but i may never see them again before i die and that scares me. I know i will see my son, the love of my lfe, the one who will always stand by me and if he could he would be here in a flash to help Joe.My heart is broken over something stupid ................ I love you Candy and would never compare you to anyone else. You are kind, loving and so loving you get hurt by people and I try to prevent that.
                As for my alzheimers, m on namenda, i do need nt to get upset because that affects your memory also. Everytime i get upset i forget things more and thats not good. The dementia will come alot faster if i do not watch it.
              Well I love my family so far away and I love you al from all over the world i get support , prayers and love........................... you mean the world to me.so please add lorrie slattery to the groups and friends. I love you all just needed to vent , time to go back to bed .............

Update

 A good morning everyone.
       I'm just going to wing it here. First off I did one let you know that the last neurologist who has a mental health background, had decided that since I was depressed that I did not have Alzheimer's. When I told my primary what she had said she hit the roof. The report clearly stated that I had severe hypo-metabolic atrophy of the bilateral temporal lobes consistent with early Alzheimer's. My primary is demanding all the consults and has started me back on the Alzheimer's meds. Although Alzheimer's will not kill me the dementia will soo start setting in.Now I remember when I called my sister Lori that I was so excited that it didn't have Alzheimer's and I was just depressed she was doubtful, she had seen my behavior and she knew something was wrong. Most of you know me, a lot of me know me well and have listened to my rants. For those that don't know me I have lupus, fibromyalgia, primary clotting disorders orders plural, diabetes vascular disease . I'm really angry that it took me 20 years to get diagnosed with lupus it was all in my head, then it took five years to get diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Then it took a coma and life support for six days to determine I was diabetic. I have made it a point in the past 10 years never to tell any Dr. that have had any type of depression or PTSD as you are then dismissed there is close they sign you of you put out with the trash. The fact remains I'm not anodyne five years I like a lot of us will die when it's time for Jesus to take us home to heal us.

          Anothe thing is I am getting so sick of being judged by the pain medication I take. With the new narcotics laws in place in most states do they really think that my primary would risk his license given me medication I don't need. Another thing you judged on. Why do you take those meds, that's too much medicine, fact is it's nobody's business.

The way I'm feeling right now is we need more awareness we need to screa at the top of our lungs to fight for our rights to be heard and to be seen. Okay now I'm ranting this one more thing that concerns me a lot of people do not have health care, family, and friends to help them I think it would be great to appoint someone from one of our groups to start a fund to help people that are in great need and suffering like of. I know a lot of us are on disability in the water of the poor but between all of us that thousands of us one dollar can make a difference I think that's something we should explore in the future actually I think that we could vote on a administrator to start this project okay one more paragraph and this isnot going to be a pleasant one

For those of you that look through us, that do no see our pain, that have abandoned u when we have to keep turning down engagements or can't get dressed to go out and if I hear one more time you don't look sick I swear I am going to lose it. To those doctors friends family and those who don't believe that w are sick, I will ask Jesus for forgiveness for this but to those of you who have hurt us........ you can just kiss my ASP. I love you all never forget it.

This is my final blog

Hello everyone,
          I know all of you have been worried about me. I got a call from Rena and she told me how were you all were. Well I had my last appointment with my neurologist and I'm still on the Namenda but this is the good news apparently the damage that's been done to my brain will take 30 years to affect me in the way Alzheimer's does. They tell me that my primary doctor not being educated in Alzheimer's had no business telling me that I had five years to live a five-year to my brain was completely gone and to get my affairs in daughter etc. etc. etc. He thought he was doing the right thing he was doing the wrong thing. For so many months I've gotten more more anxious more more down in afraid to leave the house. I've stopped going to church talking to friends going on my computer as you know.

Apparently my memory loss in my anxiety and forgetfulness has all gotten worse due to a deep depression and anxiety over the illnesses I already do have. Something traded it and they believe it was either me being in a coma for a week two years ago or my sister suicide. They tell me when you're under stress your anxiety goes up and when you're chronically ill like we all are then you get depressed now I had already agreed to Prozac were John was on the mound and it helped but this still a long way to go I'm still depressed I'm very anxious she wants me to do cognitive reasoning exercises and keep my memory shop. There is a big relief knowing that I am not going to die in five years. That's huge for me I'm so excited to know that I should not feel the effects of the Alzheimer's for many years to come. Needless to say Joe was very excited and we believe this Dr.

My sister Lori does not believe this Dr. although she wishes it was true that it's depression and anxiety she's been around me and she feels that it's the Alzheimer's. Bottom line is my dear sisters that I'm not going to worry about it I'm going to deal with my life day by day I went to get back on the computer and talk to you all my favorite people. This week Joe's on vacation and we have babysit not grant son Dominic which has forced me to leave the house and I'm actually doing okay with that.

So I'm looking forward to moving on with my life and I want to thank you all for all your prayers concern love and I'm really relieved to know that I will be a member of the Lupus family for the rest of my life as I still will have a functioning brain. Joan I appreciate you all so much and things will get really bad here with my mood swings but I promise that we will both be on an answer any questions that you have. We love you all and can't wait to talk to you.
          God bless you all,
                     Donnalynn