Well hello everyone, it has been a while since I said I would follow this through. This blog is very difficult for me to do as it reveals my deepest thoughts and fears moods ECT.
A lot has happened since I last posted the second scan that I got showed dementia was sitting in. A fine now that I cannot remember what I had for dinner the night before. I keep forgetting conversations that I've had with my husband.
He was really upset last week when he couldn't find me at 2 AM and he found me sleeping outside in the carport. I'm afraid of the dark so that was difficult for me. I need help getting dressed. I find myself staring out into nothing in constantly hearing what you thinking, I'm not thinking anything I'm just blank.
I was talking to my doctor about the seizures I've been happening she told me that between the strokes the CIA's concussions blood supply all of that contributes to my seizures. I find that the simplest task of making dinner which I love to do I get frustrated I can find things I can't remember recipes and I get angry then comes the seizures. I have them when I'm sleeping and it scares Joe to death. I really want my son can be in my granddaughters here but is that being selfish do I need them around to watch me fall into nothingness? It hurts so bad to try to figure out what is right and what is wrong when I don't even know.
It's a love my family on Facebook and my church family let me know somebody's always there. Hottest thing I'm facing now is to know I can't travel and I can't see my brothers. One brother is very ill and apparently my other brothers are too busy with your own lives to come see me before I die. Oh did I begin to tell you, forget to tell you let me remind you I have 33 different diagnoses. The primary one being systemic lupus atherosclerosis in large part poor balance due to her stroke three primary client and disorders with the mu gene, I also have obstructive sleep apnea and yes worst of all diabetes insulin-dependent. I mention this because the other night Joe always gives me my long acting insulin I forgot he gave it to me" so I gave it to myself again I dropped my sugar to 40. New and final paragraph
My best friend through all of this has been my sister Lori she also was very L but she is my greatest supporter as I go through this. She knows a lot about Alzheimer's on a lot of things she says hurts my feelings and knows she doesn't mean it didn't always seems like she's judging me while correcting me and I feel I cant be honest with her so I just say yes and drop it. It hurts that she so far away and I miss my nephews but I'm never going to be me again and I am so angry that I can't see straight. I would not wish this on my worst enemy and I hope those of you that follow will understand how we feel at this stage in the disease.
I do want you all to reach out to Joe, he is on Facebook under Joe Morin, he has no clue as to what he's in for. I've been through this with patients have had any jazzing no or realize that I'm leaving him in my mind. We just renewed violence in God's house and I will always be his wife but I'm glad to become childlike keys than half the base of me be me dress me restrain me fight me off as a throw things that are Jake God please help them understand and get help. I love you Joseph Michael Morin. Well I guess that's enough for today I'm in tears now I have got to leave but I will keep posting again as long as my brain functions. To those of you who have family with Alzheimer's learn about it, study it and always remember the person before you is not a child is the person you love night
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