TODAY I DECIDED TO TAKE THE DAY OF FROM MY USUAL HUM DRUM DSAY. TODAY I AM GETTING READY TO SHOWER AND GO BACK TO BED. WE DO OUR SHOPPING ON SATS, THEN CHURCH ON SUNDSYS BUT THIS WEEKEND WE ARE SPENDING IT TOEGHTER AND WORKING IN THE YARD.
NOW FOR MY SYMPTONS, I REALLY BELIEVE THE ARICEFT WAS MAKING ME SICK, AND NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT WAS MAKING ME WEAKER. NOW I DO NOT KNOW IF THIS IS A SYMPTON OF ALHEZMEIRS OR THE ARICEFT BUT I HAVE HAD 4 SEZIURES NOW. THREE OF THESE I WAS ALERT AND MY ARMS TREMBLED OUT OF CONTROL, I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST TREMORS BUT IF YOU HAVE TREMORS, WHEN YOU HOLD THE ARM OR WHATEVER IT WILL STOP THESE DONT AND LAST 2 OR 3 MINUTES. .LAST NIGHT I WAS SLEEPING AND APPARENTLY HAD A FULL SEZIURE, JOE SAID IT WAS MY WHOLE BODY, MY LEGS GOT STIFF BUT MY ARMS WERE TREMBLING AND FLAILING, HE HAD TO TRY TO WAKE ME, I FINALLY CAME OUT OF IT ,AGAIN IT LASTED A COUPLE OF MINUTES.NOW I STOPPED THE ARICEFT 4 DAYS AGO AND WENT BACK TO THE EXCELON PATCH, THIS IS HELPING MY GASTO TRACT, BUT I BELIEVE THE SEZIURES ARE FROM THE ARICEFT AND EHAT IS LEFT IN MY BODY. DOES ANYONE KNOW IF SEZIURES ARE PART OF ALHEZIMERS? I STILL HAVE THE SWALLOWING PROBLEM, HAVE HAD IT FOR A YR LIKE MOST OF THE SYMPTONS, BUT IT IS HETTING WORSE, BE IT LIQUID OR FOOD. I JUST HOPE I DO NOT CHOKE WHEN JOE IS NOT HOME, BUT ON THE 1 ST I WILL HAVE AN ALERT BUTTON, SO I WILL FEEL AT EASE.
MY MEMORY IS STILL THE SAME, I FORGET RECENT HINGS, STILL TALK TO MYSELF, MY GAIT IS ALITTLE OFF OR STIFF, BUT I AM NOT GOING TO WORRY AS IT IS IN GOD'S HANDS, HE WILL HEAL ME OR CURE ME BUT EITHER WAY, JESUS WILL ALWAYS BE WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT. YESI HAVE HEARD, GOD IS PUNISHING YOU FOR YOUR PAST LOL YOU CAN TELL THE PEOPLE THAT SAY THIS DO NOT KNOW JESUS, OTHERWISE THEY WOULD KNOW, JESUS DIED FOR OUR SINS, GOD SENT HIS ONLY SON TO DEATH FOR OUR SINS, PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE. THIS DOES NOT MEAN GO SIN AND BE AN ASS AND YOU WIL BE FORGIVEN, IT MEANS IT WAS SUCH A GREAT SACRAFICE, THAT WE NEED TO HONOR IT AND TRY NOT TO SIN.
WELL I AM HOPING TONIGHT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A WONDEFUL NIGHT WITH JOE. I WANT TO BE HIS WIFE TONIGHT, CUDDLE AND WATCH A MOVIE, I AM PRAYING THAT I WILL HAVE NO ACCIDENTS TODAY AND TONIGHT MAYBE WE CASN HAVE SOME INTIMACY. THE PAIN GETS SO BAD, IT FRIGHTENS ME BEFORE IT EVEN STARTS. HE IS WONDERFUL TO ME AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, I AM TOO YOUNG TO GIVE UP THAT PART OF MY LIFE SO GOING TO REST AND RELAX TONIGHT AND TRY TO NOT FRET OF WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN.
I PRAY THAT I DO NOT BORE YOU WITH THIS BLOG, IT IS HELPFUL FOR ME, WILL LET PEOPLE READ HOW MY ILLNESS PROGRESSES, AND MY FAMILY AND FRIENDSCAN LOOK BACK AT IT ONE DAY. TOMORROW I AM GOING TO TRY TO DO A VIDEO TO POST TO SASY HI TO YOU ALL AND LET YOU ALL KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ARE TRUELY LOVED, MY FAMILY, FRIENDS AND ALL OF YOU THE STRANGERS THAT I HAVE MET THAT HAVE CARED AND PRAYED FOR ME MORE THAN MOST OF MY SO CALLED CLOSE FRIENDS AND FAMILY............. OK GOING TO CRY SO THIS IS A GOOD PLACE TO END TODAY..........
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
A NEW DAY?
donnalynnmorin55@aol.com
GOODMORNING EVERYONE,
WELL I DID ALOT OF THINKING YESTERDAY AND DECIDED I WOULD TRY TO DO SOME THINGS. I PUTTERED AROUND THE HOUSE, THEN GOT BORED THE REST OF THIS BLOG IS HOW I SPENT MY DAY, FUNNY AND SAD BUT EVERY WORD I WRITE IS TRUE, THESE ARE MY FEELING, NOT THE THOUGHTS OR OPIONS OF WHAT PEOPLE THINK I SHOULD WRITE.
YESTERDAY WAS LIKE ANY OTHER, KEEP CHANGING CLOTHES ECT DECIDED TO STAY IN MY BATHING SUIT LOL. I AM HAVING SOME GASTRO RELIEF FROM GOING BACK ON THE EXCELON PATCHES AND NOT THE ARICEFT. ALOT LESS ACCIDENTS AND ALOT LESS LAUNDRY. SO I GOT ADVENTEROUS AND DECIDED SINCE I WAS NOT FAMILUAL WITH THE PARK I LIVE IN I WOULD GO FOR A RIDE INCASE I EVER GOT LOST, WELL HOW STUPID DOES THAT SOUND? I GOT ON MY SCOOTER AND WENT UP AND DOWN STREETS AVOIDING THE EXIT TO THE STATE ROAD LOL. WELL AFTER A HALF HOUR I COULD NOT FIND MY WAY HOME. I DID FIND A LADY THAT KNEW ME ON HER BIKE AND SHE SAID FOLLOW ME, SO I MADE IT HOME. I THEN WENT TO THE POOL TO TRY TO EXCERSIZE AND SEE THE BIG GATOR WE HAVE IN THE POND, SO I BROUGHT MY CAMERA, HE ONLY POPPED UP ONCE AND I MISSED THE SHOT. I SWIM WITH A FLOTTIE FOR ABIT, THEN CAME HOME AND NAPPED.
LATER ON I WAS TALKING TO MY SISTER, YOU WILL HEAR ME REFER TO HER OFTEN, HER NAME IS LORRIE, ALTHOUGH I HAVE MANY SIBLINGS LORRIE IS MY LIFELINE AS EVERYONE HAS THERE OWN LIVES AND FAMILES I DO NOT GET TO TALK TO THEM MUCH. MY BABY SISTER, WHO I PRACTICALLY RAISED DECIDED 7 YRS AGO I WAS NOT HER SISTER ANYMORE, TO THIS DAY MY HEART IS BROKEN BUT IM DONE CARING. I NEED TO LIVE MY LIFE AND AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED SHE IS MISSING THE BEST PART OF MY LIFE, THE PERSON I HAVE BECOME. THE CHRISTIAN I HAVE BECOME, THE NON ADDICT I HAVE BECOME. YES I WAS AN ADDICT HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR OVER 15 YRS, I STILL ATTEND CELEBRATE RECOVERY TWICE A WEEK AT OUR CHURCH, SO I CAN WALK CLOSER TO JESUS AND HOPEFULLY HELP SOMEONE WITH ADDICATIONS, PAST HURTS AND HANG UPS, IT IS NOT JUST FOR ADDICTS OF DRUGS NAD ALCOHOL IT IS FOR ABUSED PEOPLE WHO CANT LET THE PAST GO, OVER OR UNDER ESTERS, PORN ADDICTS YOU NAME IT, ALL CAN BE HEALED THROUGH JESUS OUR LORD AND SAVIOR.
I CAN STILL HELP PEPLE AFTER SUFFERING 10 YRS OF SEXUAL ABUSE AND TORTURE. I HAD TO LET GO LET GOD AND STAY AWAY FROM FEELING NUMBBING DRUGS. I CAN BE OF HELP TO JUST ONE PERSON THEN MY LIFE IS FOR NOT.
WELL BACK TO LORRIE, SHE SAID VERY STERNLY THST SHE DID NOT WANT TO HEAR, WHEN I CAN'T, WHEN I WON'T, ALL OF THAT NEGIITIVE STUFF THAT IS IN MY FUTURE. SHE REMINDED ME THAT WE ONLY HAVE TODAY AND WHAT HAPPENS TOMORROW IS NOT IN OUR CONTROL. SHE REMINDED ME OF THE LOVE I HAVE FROM JOE, MY SON AND HIS FAMILY, MY CHURCH AND ALL MY SISTERS AND BROTHERS ON FACEBOOK AND THOSE WHO FOLLOW MY BLOG. SHE SSID I WAS IN THE BEST PLACE WHER I HAD THE MOST SUPPORT, THE MOST LOVE. WHEN THINGS GET WORSE THEY WILL PEROID. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO AND I AM NOT A FORTUNE TELLER SO I CANT TELL WHEN I AM GOING TO GET WORSE. I WISH I KNEW TO PLAN, BUT THEN I DONT KNOW DO I, DO ANY OF US KNOW WHAT TOMORROW WILL BRING. AS OF NOW I TALK TO MYSELF, I REPEAT MYSELF ALL THE TIME, MY MIND FORGETS ALOT OF THINGS BUT THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY OR YESTERDAY , MAYBE THE DAY BEFORE BUT I CAN REMEBER ALL OF THE PAST. I DO NOT REMEBER WHAT DAY IT IS, WHAT IME IT IS, BUT I REMEMBER THE LOVE, WHEN JOE REMINDS ME IT IS MED TIME, BEDTIME, LOKS AT ME WITH SUCH LOVE. HE STILL DESIRES ME SO MUCH BUT IS SO PATIENT WITH ME.HE GENTLY REMINDS ME HAT HE HAS ALREADY TOLD ME SOMETHING 3 TIMES OR THAT I HAVE SAID SOMETHING 10 TIMES. HE DOES THIS WITH LOVE.WE SAY GRACE EVERYNIGHT AND WE PRAY FOR OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND THANK JESUS FOR ANOTHER DAY, TODSY, YES JUST TODAY IS ALL WE ARE SURE OF, THERE ARE NO PROMISES OF TOMORROW, SO I WILL LIVE FOR TODAY AND SOMETIMES IN MY CASE I WILL LIVE FOR THE MOMENT AND STROE IT IN MY BRAIN AND TRY TO REMEMBER IT ALWAYS.
SO I HAVE MENTIONED MOST OF THE SYMPTONS, I WAKE UP ALOT AT NIGHT BUT THIS IS DUE TO THE MEDS. I HAVE HAD A COUPLE OF SEZIURES BUT I AM AWARE WHEN THEY HAPPEN THEY ARE NOT SEVERE AND THEY LAST A FEW MOMENTS. THE ONLY THING THAT SCARES ME IS MY SWOLLING REFLEX, I TAKE A BITE OF FOOD OR DRINK SOMETHING AND CANT SWALLOW IT, I JUST STAND THERE TELLING MYSELF TO SWALLOW ONE OF TWO THINGS HAPPEN EITHER I ASPERICATE OR HAVE TO SPIT IT OUT. THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR MONTHS AND IS GETTING A LITTLE WORSE. I CAN STILL MATCH MY CLOTHES, PUT MY MAKEUP ON, BUT HAVE FEARS OF SHOWERING WHEN JOE IS NOT HOME SO I WAIT FOR HIM.......... I AM SURE THERE IS MORE T OCOME BUT I WILL NOT WORRY ABOUT IT, TODAY IS MY CONCERN AND I PRAY IT IS A GOOD ONE FOR ME AND FOR ALL OF YOU...............
GOODMORNING EVERYONE,
WELL I DID ALOT OF THINKING YESTERDAY AND DECIDED I WOULD TRY TO DO SOME THINGS. I PUTTERED AROUND THE HOUSE, THEN GOT BORED THE REST OF THIS BLOG IS HOW I SPENT MY DAY, FUNNY AND SAD BUT EVERY WORD I WRITE IS TRUE, THESE ARE MY FEELING, NOT THE THOUGHTS OR OPIONS OF WHAT PEOPLE THINK I SHOULD WRITE.
YESTERDAY WAS LIKE ANY OTHER, KEEP CHANGING CLOTHES ECT DECIDED TO STAY IN MY BATHING SUIT LOL. I AM HAVING SOME GASTRO RELIEF FROM GOING BACK ON THE EXCELON PATCHES AND NOT THE ARICEFT. ALOT LESS ACCIDENTS AND ALOT LESS LAUNDRY. SO I GOT ADVENTEROUS AND DECIDED SINCE I WAS NOT FAMILUAL WITH THE PARK I LIVE IN I WOULD GO FOR A RIDE INCASE I EVER GOT LOST, WELL HOW STUPID DOES THAT SOUND? I GOT ON MY SCOOTER AND WENT UP AND DOWN STREETS AVOIDING THE EXIT TO THE STATE ROAD LOL. WELL AFTER A HALF HOUR I COULD NOT FIND MY WAY HOME. I DID FIND A LADY THAT KNEW ME ON HER BIKE AND SHE SAID FOLLOW ME, SO I MADE IT HOME. I THEN WENT TO THE POOL TO TRY TO EXCERSIZE AND SEE THE BIG GATOR WE HAVE IN THE POND, SO I BROUGHT MY CAMERA, HE ONLY POPPED UP ONCE AND I MISSED THE SHOT. I SWIM WITH A FLOTTIE FOR ABIT, THEN CAME HOME AND NAPPED.
LATER ON I WAS TALKING TO MY SISTER, YOU WILL HEAR ME REFER TO HER OFTEN, HER NAME IS LORRIE, ALTHOUGH I HAVE MANY SIBLINGS LORRIE IS MY LIFELINE AS EVERYONE HAS THERE OWN LIVES AND FAMILES I DO NOT GET TO TALK TO THEM MUCH. MY BABY SISTER, WHO I PRACTICALLY RAISED DECIDED 7 YRS AGO I WAS NOT HER SISTER ANYMORE, TO THIS DAY MY HEART IS BROKEN BUT IM DONE CARING. I NEED TO LIVE MY LIFE AND AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED SHE IS MISSING THE BEST PART OF MY LIFE, THE PERSON I HAVE BECOME. THE CHRISTIAN I HAVE BECOME, THE NON ADDICT I HAVE BECOME. YES I WAS AN ADDICT HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR OVER 15 YRS, I STILL ATTEND CELEBRATE RECOVERY TWICE A WEEK AT OUR CHURCH, SO I CAN WALK CLOSER TO JESUS AND HOPEFULLY HELP SOMEONE WITH ADDICATIONS, PAST HURTS AND HANG UPS, IT IS NOT JUST FOR ADDICTS OF DRUGS NAD ALCOHOL IT IS FOR ABUSED PEOPLE WHO CANT LET THE PAST GO, OVER OR UNDER ESTERS, PORN ADDICTS YOU NAME IT, ALL CAN BE HEALED THROUGH JESUS OUR LORD AND SAVIOR.
I CAN STILL HELP PEPLE AFTER SUFFERING 10 YRS OF SEXUAL ABUSE AND TORTURE. I HAD TO LET GO LET GOD AND STAY AWAY FROM FEELING NUMBBING DRUGS. I CAN BE OF HELP TO JUST ONE PERSON THEN MY LIFE IS FOR NOT.
WELL BACK TO LORRIE, SHE SAID VERY STERNLY THST SHE DID NOT WANT TO HEAR, WHEN I CAN'T, WHEN I WON'T, ALL OF THAT NEGIITIVE STUFF THAT IS IN MY FUTURE. SHE REMINDED ME THAT WE ONLY HAVE TODAY AND WHAT HAPPENS TOMORROW IS NOT IN OUR CONTROL. SHE REMINDED ME OF THE LOVE I HAVE FROM JOE, MY SON AND HIS FAMILY, MY CHURCH AND ALL MY SISTERS AND BROTHERS ON FACEBOOK AND THOSE WHO FOLLOW MY BLOG. SHE SSID I WAS IN THE BEST PLACE WHER I HAD THE MOST SUPPORT, THE MOST LOVE. WHEN THINGS GET WORSE THEY WILL PEROID. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO AND I AM NOT A FORTUNE TELLER SO I CANT TELL WHEN I AM GOING TO GET WORSE. I WISH I KNEW TO PLAN, BUT THEN I DONT KNOW DO I, DO ANY OF US KNOW WHAT TOMORROW WILL BRING. AS OF NOW I TALK TO MYSELF, I REPEAT MYSELF ALL THE TIME, MY MIND FORGETS ALOT OF THINGS BUT THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY OR YESTERDAY , MAYBE THE DAY BEFORE BUT I CAN REMEBER ALL OF THE PAST. I DO NOT REMEBER WHAT DAY IT IS, WHAT IME IT IS, BUT I REMEMBER THE LOVE, WHEN JOE REMINDS ME IT IS MED TIME, BEDTIME, LOKS AT ME WITH SUCH LOVE. HE STILL DESIRES ME SO MUCH BUT IS SO PATIENT WITH ME.HE GENTLY REMINDS ME HAT HE HAS ALREADY TOLD ME SOMETHING 3 TIMES OR THAT I HAVE SAID SOMETHING 10 TIMES. HE DOES THIS WITH LOVE.WE SAY GRACE EVERYNIGHT AND WE PRAY FOR OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND THANK JESUS FOR ANOTHER DAY, TODSY, YES JUST TODAY IS ALL WE ARE SURE OF, THERE ARE NO PROMISES OF TOMORROW, SO I WILL LIVE FOR TODAY AND SOMETIMES IN MY CASE I WILL LIVE FOR THE MOMENT AND STROE IT IN MY BRAIN AND TRY TO REMEMBER IT ALWAYS.
SO I HAVE MENTIONED MOST OF THE SYMPTONS, I WAKE UP ALOT AT NIGHT BUT THIS IS DUE TO THE MEDS. I HAVE HAD A COUPLE OF SEZIURES BUT I AM AWARE WHEN THEY HAPPEN THEY ARE NOT SEVERE AND THEY LAST A FEW MOMENTS. THE ONLY THING THAT SCARES ME IS MY SWOLLING REFLEX, I TAKE A BITE OF FOOD OR DRINK SOMETHING AND CANT SWALLOW IT, I JUST STAND THERE TELLING MYSELF TO SWALLOW ONE OF TWO THINGS HAPPEN EITHER I ASPERICATE OR HAVE TO SPIT IT OUT. THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR MONTHS AND IS GETTING A LITTLE WORSE. I CAN STILL MATCH MY CLOTHES, PUT MY MAKEUP ON, BUT HAVE FEARS OF SHOWERING WHEN JOE IS NOT HOME SO I WAIT FOR HIM.......... I AM SURE THERE IS MORE T OCOME BUT I WILL NOT WORRY ABOUT IT, TODAY IS MY CONCERN AND I PRAY IT IS A GOOD ONE FOR ME AND FOR ALL OF YOU...............
Thursday, September 22, 2011
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY BODY??
THEY SAY 50 IS THE NEW 30 BUT THEY LIE. IT DOES NOT FIT PEOPLE LIKE US WITH CHRONIC PAIN AND ILLNESS.AS MOST OF YOU KNOW I HAVE 23 DIFFERENT ILLNESSES. I KNOW ATLEAST 4 OF THEM CAN KIL ME , MY PRIMARY CLOTTING PROBLEM CN KILL ME AT ANYTIME, IT IS LIKE HOLDING A TIME BOMB. BUT WITH MY FAITH IN JESUS AND THE PRAYERS FROM ALL OF YOU MY FRIENDS WHO CARE ENOUGH TO READ THIS, I HAVE MADE IT THROUGH.
HAVING JOE IN MY LIFE THESE 9 YEARS HAS BEEN INCREDIBLE, HE KISSES ME AWAKE EVERY MORNING AND SAYSS "GOOD MORNING BEAUTIFUL".
I USED TO FEEL THAT WAY, I USED TO GO TO BED TRYING TO LOOK ATTRACTIVE, PRETTY NIGHTIES, ALWAYS SATIN, ALWAYS FELT SO GOOD AGAINST MY SKIN.
NOW IT IS PJ'S AND NOT ONLY PJ'S BUT DUE TO I THINK THE MEDICINE FOR THE ALHEZIMERS, I HAVE TO WAER BOTH PJ'S , UNDERWEAR AND DEPENDS TO BED, WHEN JOE REACHES FOR ME IN THE NIGHT, I HAVE TO PUSH HIM AWAY. I HATE THIS, I HATE THE FACT THAT MY BODY FEELS 80. I HATE THE FACT THAT MAKING LOVE HAS BECME A CHORE. I HATE THE FACT THAT I CANNOT ENJOY HAVING DINNER WITH JOE WHEN HE COMES HOME FROM WORK AS I NEVER KNOW WHAT I CAN EAT THAT WON'T RUN OUT MY BODY.I MISS THE DAYS OF HOLDING EACHOTHER, HAVING DINNER TOEGHTER, LONG RIDES WHEN YOU DONT HAVE TO STOP EVER 15 MINUTES. WHERE IS MY BODY, IT WAS NOT PERFECT, I AM NOT BEAUTY QUEEN BUT I DO TRY TO LOOK MY BEST, BUT THINGS ARE GETTING OUT OF MY CONTROL. THIS NEW DIAGNOISIS IS KILLING ME, I DO NOT KNOW IF I HAVE THE FIGHT. I KNOW I HAVE FAITH , BUT THIS IS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE GOME THROUGH. TO KNOW I CASN REMEBER YOU ONE DAY, ENJOY A CONVERSATION THEN NOT REMEMBER ANYTHING THE NEXT DAY IS KILLING ME. WHERE AM I GOING WHEN I GO INTO MY MIND AND CSNNOT EXPRESS MSLEF, HOW CAN I ASK JOE TO HOLD ME ,COMFORT ME WHEN I DO NOT KNOW HIM.
WHERE ARE THE DSYS OF COOL SATIN ON MY SKIN, MAKING LOVE WHEN EVER YOU WANT WITHOUT PAIN OR TEARS OR WORSE YET EMBARESSMENT. I WANT ME BACK. I HAVE JOE, ONE SISTER WHO STAND BY ME NO MATTER WHAT, AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I HAVE FRIENDS, FRINDS I HAVE NEVER MET AND WHO HAVE BROUGHT SUCH JOY INTO MY LIFE. FILLED MY DAY WITH PRSYERS , LAUGHS ND TEARS, I JUST WANT ME BACK, I WILL TAKE ALL satan CAN THROW AT ME, BUT PLEASE DONT TAKE MY MIND LONG WITH MY BODY,
HAVING JOE IN MY LIFE THESE 9 YEARS HAS BEEN INCREDIBLE, HE KISSES ME AWAKE EVERY MORNING AND SAYSS "GOOD MORNING BEAUTIFUL".
I USED TO FEEL THAT WAY, I USED TO GO TO BED TRYING TO LOOK ATTRACTIVE, PRETTY NIGHTIES, ALWAYS SATIN, ALWAYS FELT SO GOOD AGAINST MY SKIN.
NOW IT IS PJ'S AND NOT ONLY PJ'S BUT DUE TO I THINK THE MEDICINE FOR THE ALHEZIMERS, I HAVE TO WAER BOTH PJ'S , UNDERWEAR AND DEPENDS TO BED, WHEN JOE REACHES FOR ME IN THE NIGHT, I HAVE TO PUSH HIM AWAY. I HATE THIS, I HATE THE FACT THAT MY BODY FEELS 80. I HATE THE FACT THAT MAKING LOVE HAS BECME A CHORE. I HATE THE FACT THAT I CANNOT ENJOY HAVING DINNER WITH JOE WHEN HE COMES HOME FROM WORK AS I NEVER KNOW WHAT I CAN EAT THAT WON'T RUN OUT MY BODY.I MISS THE DAYS OF HOLDING EACHOTHER, HAVING DINNER TOEGHTER, LONG RIDES WHEN YOU DONT HAVE TO STOP EVER 15 MINUTES. WHERE IS MY BODY, IT WAS NOT PERFECT, I AM NOT BEAUTY QUEEN BUT I DO TRY TO LOOK MY BEST, BUT THINGS ARE GETTING OUT OF MY CONTROL. THIS NEW DIAGNOISIS IS KILLING ME, I DO NOT KNOW IF I HAVE THE FIGHT. I KNOW I HAVE FAITH , BUT THIS IS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE GOME THROUGH. TO KNOW I CASN REMEBER YOU ONE DAY, ENJOY A CONVERSATION THEN NOT REMEMBER ANYTHING THE NEXT DAY IS KILLING ME. WHERE AM I GOING WHEN I GO INTO MY MIND AND CSNNOT EXPRESS MSLEF, HOW CAN I ASK JOE TO HOLD ME ,COMFORT ME WHEN I DO NOT KNOW HIM.
WHERE ARE THE DSYS OF COOL SATIN ON MY SKIN, MAKING LOVE WHEN EVER YOU WANT WITHOUT PAIN OR TEARS OR WORSE YET EMBARESSMENT. I WANT ME BACK. I HAVE JOE, ONE SISTER WHO STAND BY ME NO MATTER WHAT, AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I HAVE FRIENDS, FRINDS I HAVE NEVER MET AND WHO HAVE BROUGHT SUCH JOY INTO MY LIFE. FILLED MY DAY WITH PRSYERS , LAUGHS ND TEARS, I JUST WANT ME BACK, I WILL TAKE ALL satan CAN THROW AT ME, BUT PLEASE DONT TAKE MY MIND LONG WITH MY BODY,
HOW DO YOU FEEL LIKE A WOMAN, PG RATED
WELL I DO NOT KNOW WHERE TO START. TODAY STARTED OUT BAD AT 4 AM. I REMEMBER THE DAYS WHEN JOE AND I FIRST GOT MARRIED, I TOLD HIM I WAS VERY SICK AND COULD VERY WELL DIE ON HIM. I WAS A WIDOW AN DHAPPY TO BE LONE. WELL JOE SURPRISED ME AN DFLEW TO CA TO PROPOSE ON CHRISTMAS EVE. THAT WAS 9 YRS SGO. SINCE THEN I HAVE HAD 24 HOSPITILAZIONS. ALMOST DIED 3 TIMES.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
PLEASE JESUS, LET ME HAVE PATIENCE!!
WELL YESTERDAY WAS THE DAY, I WAS FINALLY GOING TO SEE THE NEUROLOGIST! SO EXCITED, JOE HELPED ME DRESS, I CHANGED MY CLOTHES 3 TIMES, AS I DID MY HAIR AND MAKE UP I WAS SO HAPPY EVEN THOUGH IT WAS GOING TO BE A LONG PAINFUL DRIVE.
JOE FOUND THE PLACE ALRIGHT, IT SAID NEUROLOGICAL AND SLEEP CENTER OF OCALA, THAT WAS THE ONLY DR MEDCIAD SAID THEY WOULD PAY FOR. I REALLY WANTED HIS IMPUT AS TO THE STATUS OF MY ALHEZIMERS. I FILLED OUT PAGES UPON PAGES OF PAPERWORK THEN WAS LED TO HIS OFFICE, WE SAT, ME FREEZING FOR OVER AN HOUR WAITING, AS I SAT THERE I LOOKED AROUND HIS OFFICE, YUP IM NOSEY LOL. THERE WAS BOOKLETS ON SLEEP DISORDERS, SNORING ECT, NOT ONE THING ON THE BRAIN, THINKING THIS WAS ODD I WAITED.
WELL HE CAME IN, SEEMED ABRUPT AND ASKED WHY I WAS THERE, I STATED YOU HAVE THE REPORT, I HAVE ALHEZIMERS DISEASE. HE LOOKED THROUGH THE PAPERS AND THE REPORT IN 2 SECONDS, I WANTED HIM TO EXPLAIN WHAT THE NUMBER MEANT ON THE SCALE ECT, WHAT STAGE I WAS IN AND WHAT THE WORD SEVERE ON MY REPORT MEANT IN RELATION TO ME. I TOLD HIM SOME OF MY SYMPTONS THAT I HAD BEEN HAVING FOR OVER A YEAR, SO OK NEXT QUESTION, STANDARD QUESTION REMEMBER THESE 3 THINGS. SO OK I LISTENED,
WELL THEN HE WENT ON TO SAY HE DID NOT BELIEVE I HAD ALZHEIMER'S, HE SAID IT WAS OBVIOUS FROM MY MEDS THAT I SUFFERED FROM CHRONIC PAIN SYNDROME, WELL NO SHIT ................ OK BP RISING, CALM DOWN, TAKE A BREATH THEN LISTEN, NEXT THING OUT OF HIS MOUTH WAS I THINK THE REPORT IS CRAP OR MISREAD, MIND YOU HE LOOKED AT IT FOR 2.3 SECONDS.OK ,NOW I AM FUMING, MY HUSBAND REACHED OVER TO HOLD MY HAND AS I FEAR HE THOUGHT THE DR WAS GOING TO GET SMACKED,THEN HE SAID HE WANTED A SPEEP STUDY, NOW WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING( YES I WAS GETTING ANGRY VERY ANGRY) THE BEST IS YET TO COME.
OK SO WE AGREED TO THE SLEEP STUDY, HE SAID HE COULD DO IT FRI NIGHT. SO THEN, OH THIS IS MAKING MY BP RISE LOL, HE I WENT TO ASK HIM SO QUESTIONS HE SAID HURRY UP I NEED TO LEAVE, WELL OK I SAT HERE FOR AN HOUR WAITING ON YOU. OK DONNA LET IT GO, HE SAID I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU HAVE ALHEZMIERS, LOOK AT YOU, THE WAY YOU DRESSED AND LOOK, YOU SPEAK TOO CLEARLY AND KNOW TO MANY MEDICAL TERMS SO YOU CANNOT HAVE ALHEZIMERS. HE THEN LEFT THE ROOM GAVE ME SOME SAMPLES OF PILLS AND THREW ME A BOOK ABOUT ALHEZIMERS.I MADE THE APPOINTMENT FOR FRI NIGHT AND WE LEFT.
ASI WALKED TO THE CAR I STARTED BALLING, ALL THIS EXCITMENT, FELT I HAD BEEN HIT BY A TRUCK. I GOT IN THE CAR AND CALLED THE OFFICE RIGHT BACK AND SAID I DO NOT WANT THE SLEEP STUDY, THEY SAID WHY, I SAID"THE DR IS A RUDE .ARROGANT BASTARD"
YES I SAID THIS AND HUNG UP. I THEN OPENED THE BAG WITH THE SAMPLES, ONE THAT HE SAID TO CONTINUE MY ALHEZIMERS MEDS WITH AND TOW THAT MY INSURANCE WOULD NOT PAY FOR SO HE WOULD DO ME A FAVOR AND GIVE ME A 30 DAY SUPPLY. WELL I OPENED THIS PAMPLET THAT WAS IN THE BOX AND READ USES AND CONTRADICTIONS, WELL IT SAID IT NOT MADE FOR AND IS A DANGER TO GIVE TO ALHEZIMERS PTS. IT WAS MADE FOR ALS AND MS, OK NOW IM FUMING, CRYING, SWEARING , YOU NAME IT, JOE IS TRYING TO DRIVE, CALM ME DOWN AND BE GENTLE WITH ME.... NOW THE BEST PART
I LOOKED AT THE PAPER WORK, AND THE PERSCRIPTION HE GAVE ME INCASE INSURANCE WOULD COVER THE MEDICINE THAT COULD KILL ME LOL AND HE WAS A DO, HE WAS NOT A NEUROLOGIST, HE WAS A CHIROPRACTOR, AN OSTEOPATH,YOU KNOW THE ONES WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN PAIN OR PAIN MEDS, THE ONES WHO DO NOT BELIEVE IN AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE OR FIBROMYALGIA, THE ONES THAT THINK IF THEY TWEEK YOUR NECK YOUR BOWELS WILL WORK BETTER......... OH HAVE SEVERAL PHONE CALLS TO MAKE TODAY, FIRST TO MEDICAID AND SECOND TO THE DR WHO LEAD ME TO BELIEVE HE WAS A NEUROLOGIST.
NOW PLEASE, D.O WORK FOR SOME PEOPLE, I KNOW MANY PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD BACK OR NECK PAIN THAT SWEAR BY THERE CHIROPRACTOR, BUT DUE TO THE FACT THAT MY CLOTHES MATCHED, MY MAKEUP WAS ON, AND I WAS WELL VERSED MEDICALLY, THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME, YET ANOTHER DOWNFALL OF UNSEEN ILLNESS..................
JOE FOUND THE PLACE ALRIGHT, IT SAID NEUROLOGICAL AND SLEEP CENTER OF OCALA, THAT WAS THE ONLY DR MEDCIAD SAID THEY WOULD PAY FOR. I REALLY WANTED HIS IMPUT AS TO THE STATUS OF MY ALHEZIMERS. I FILLED OUT PAGES UPON PAGES OF PAPERWORK THEN WAS LED TO HIS OFFICE, WE SAT, ME FREEZING FOR OVER AN HOUR WAITING, AS I SAT THERE I LOOKED AROUND HIS OFFICE, YUP IM NOSEY LOL. THERE WAS BOOKLETS ON SLEEP DISORDERS, SNORING ECT, NOT ONE THING ON THE BRAIN, THINKING THIS WAS ODD I WAITED.
WELL HE CAME IN, SEEMED ABRUPT AND ASKED WHY I WAS THERE, I STATED YOU HAVE THE REPORT, I HAVE ALHEZIMERS DISEASE. HE LOOKED THROUGH THE PAPERS AND THE REPORT IN 2 SECONDS, I WANTED HIM TO EXPLAIN WHAT THE NUMBER MEANT ON THE SCALE ECT, WHAT STAGE I WAS IN AND WHAT THE WORD SEVERE ON MY REPORT MEANT IN RELATION TO ME. I TOLD HIM SOME OF MY SYMPTONS THAT I HAD BEEN HAVING FOR OVER A YEAR, SO OK NEXT QUESTION, STANDARD QUESTION REMEMBER THESE 3 THINGS. SO OK I LISTENED,
WELL THEN HE WENT ON TO SAY HE DID NOT BELIEVE I HAD ALZHEIMER'S, HE SAID IT WAS OBVIOUS FROM MY MEDS THAT I SUFFERED FROM CHRONIC PAIN SYNDROME, WELL NO SHIT ................ OK BP RISING, CALM DOWN, TAKE A BREATH THEN LISTEN, NEXT THING OUT OF HIS MOUTH WAS I THINK THE REPORT IS CRAP OR MISREAD, MIND YOU HE LOOKED AT IT FOR 2.3 SECONDS.OK ,NOW I AM FUMING, MY HUSBAND REACHED OVER TO HOLD MY HAND AS I FEAR HE THOUGHT THE DR WAS GOING TO GET SMACKED,THEN HE SAID HE WANTED A SPEEP STUDY, NOW WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING( YES I WAS GETTING ANGRY VERY ANGRY) THE BEST IS YET TO COME.
OK SO WE AGREED TO THE SLEEP STUDY, HE SAID HE COULD DO IT FRI NIGHT. SO THEN, OH THIS IS MAKING MY BP RISE LOL, HE I WENT TO ASK HIM SO QUESTIONS HE SAID HURRY UP I NEED TO LEAVE, WELL OK I SAT HERE FOR AN HOUR WAITING ON YOU. OK DONNA LET IT GO, HE SAID I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU HAVE ALHEZMIERS, LOOK AT YOU, THE WAY YOU DRESSED AND LOOK, YOU SPEAK TOO CLEARLY AND KNOW TO MANY MEDICAL TERMS SO YOU CANNOT HAVE ALHEZIMERS. HE THEN LEFT THE ROOM GAVE ME SOME SAMPLES OF PILLS AND THREW ME A BOOK ABOUT ALHEZIMERS.I MADE THE APPOINTMENT FOR FRI NIGHT AND WE LEFT.
ASI WALKED TO THE CAR I STARTED BALLING, ALL THIS EXCITMENT, FELT I HAD BEEN HIT BY A TRUCK. I GOT IN THE CAR AND CALLED THE OFFICE RIGHT BACK AND SAID I DO NOT WANT THE SLEEP STUDY, THEY SAID WHY, I SAID"THE DR IS A RUDE .ARROGANT BASTARD"
YES I SAID THIS AND HUNG UP. I THEN OPENED THE BAG WITH THE SAMPLES, ONE THAT HE SAID TO CONTINUE MY ALHEZIMERS MEDS WITH AND TOW THAT MY INSURANCE WOULD NOT PAY FOR SO HE WOULD DO ME A FAVOR AND GIVE ME A 30 DAY SUPPLY. WELL I OPENED THIS PAMPLET THAT WAS IN THE BOX AND READ USES AND CONTRADICTIONS, WELL IT SAID IT NOT MADE FOR AND IS A DANGER TO GIVE TO ALHEZIMERS PTS. IT WAS MADE FOR ALS AND MS, OK NOW IM FUMING, CRYING, SWEARING , YOU NAME IT, JOE IS TRYING TO DRIVE, CALM ME DOWN AND BE GENTLE WITH ME.... NOW THE BEST PART
I LOOKED AT THE PAPER WORK, AND THE PERSCRIPTION HE GAVE ME INCASE INSURANCE WOULD COVER THE MEDICINE THAT COULD KILL ME LOL AND HE WAS A DO, HE WAS NOT A NEUROLOGIST, HE WAS A CHIROPRACTOR, AN OSTEOPATH,YOU KNOW THE ONES WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN PAIN OR PAIN MEDS, THE ONES WHO DO NOT BELIEVE IN AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE OR FIBROMYALGIA, THE ONES THAT THINK IF THEY TWEEK YOUR NECK YOUR BOWELS WILL WORK BETTER......... OH HAVE SEVERAL PHONE CALLS TO MAKE TODAY, FIRST TO MEDICAID AND SECOND TO THE DR WHO LEAD ME TO BELIEVE HE WAS A NEUROLOGIST.
NOW PLEASE, D.O WORK FOR SOME PEOPLE, I KNOW MANY PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD BACK OR NECK PAIN THAT SWEAR BY THERE CHIROPRACTOR, BUT DUE TO THE FACT THAT MY CLOTHES MATCHED, MY MAKEUP WAS ON, AND I WAS WELL VERSED MEDICALLY, THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME, YET ANOTHER DOWNFALL OF UNSEEN ILLNESS..................
Monday, September 19, 2011
TWO WEEKS TO THE DAY!
WELL TODAY DIDENT START TOO BAD. I GOT UP AT 5 30 AM AS IM ON SO MANY PILLS I HAVE ALL WEIRD HOURS TO TAKE THEM. THE MED FOR THE ALHEIZMERS MAKES YOU NOT SLEEP WELL, EVEN WITH A SLEEPING PILL.
I HAD AN EYE APPOINTMENT SO I WENT THERE WITH ALL THE NESUA THAT COMES WITH THE ARICEFT. WHEN I CAME HOME I MADE A CUP OF SOUP AND THEN CHSNGED ONLY TO REALIZE I HAD BEEN INCONTINANT AGAIN. THIS IS NEW THE PAST 2 MONTHS, I TRIED ALL THE DIFFERENT PADS AND FINALLY BROKE DOWN AND BOUGHT DEPENDS, YOU KNOW THE ONES YOU CANT TELL YOUR WEARING, WELL THEY LIE, THEY HANG FROM YOUR HIPS AND PULL UP TO YOUR BOOBS, SO I TRASHED THAT 20.00 DOLLARS.
I CANT EAT ANYTHING AS EVERYTHING JUST PASSES THROUGH ME,WEIGHT LOSS 2 LBS , I SHOULD LOSE 100 AT THIS RATE.I MADE A CUP OF SOUP AND WENT TO LAY DOWN ONLY TO MAKE 5 MORE TRIPS TO THE BATHROOM. WITH ALL THE ILLNESS I HAVE THIS ONE IS THE MOSY HUMILIATING AS YOU CANT HIDE IT, MY SPEECH FAILS ME, MY MIND FORGETS THINGS, I HAD YET ANOTHER SEZIURE AN HOUR AGO, JOE HAD TO HOLD MY ARMS DOWN.
I SEE NEURO TOMORROW , WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO THERE IS NO CURE ONLY THESE MEDS TO SLOW IT DOWN.
THIS IS THE SADDEST I HAVE BEEN, I TRY TO LIVE FOR TODAY, I PRAY FOR TODAY AND I GIVE PRAISE EVERYNIGHT FOR MY DAY, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS I HAD ANOTHER DAY.
I NEED TO LIVE FOR TODAY, BUT ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU THEY CAN LIVE FOR THE MOMENT OR THE DAY AND NOT THINK ABOUT TOMORROW IS JUST PLAIN LYING, WE ALL PLAN OUR NEXT DAY, OR NEXT NIGHT. I STILL WANT TO BELIEVE I WILL SEE MY GRANDKIDS GROW UP AND REMEMBER THEM DOING SO. I WANT TO BE AT THEIR WEDDINGS, HAVE GREATGRANDKIDS AND REMEMBER THEM. MY DISEASE WONT KILL ME THIS I KNOW, AND ONE OF MY OTHER ONES WILL, I WISH I COULD SHAKE THE FEELING THAT JESUS JUST HEALS SOMETIMES BY BRINGING YOU HOME. IM NOT READY BUT WHAT I WILL DO IS FIGHT, AND DHARE THIS HORRIBLE, HUMILIATING DISEASE.........
I WILL LOVE MY HUSBAND NO MATTER WHAT, I WILL SEE ME IN HIS EYES NOT SADNESS, I WILL HIDE MY TEARS AND SEEK JOY IN THIS LIFE AND I WILL ALWAYS TRY TO REMEMBER JESUS IS WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT
I HAD AN EYE APPOINTMENT SO I WENT THERE WITH ALL THE NESUA THAT COMES WITH THE ARICEFT. WHEN I CAME HOME I MADE A CUP OF SOUP AND THEN CHSNGED ONLY TO REALIZE I HAD BEEN INCONTINANT AGAIN. THIS IS NEW THE PAST 2 MONTHS, I TRIED ALL THE DIFFERENT PADS AND FINALLY BROKE DOWN AND BOUGHT DEPENDS, YOU KNOW THE ONES YOU CANT TELL YOUR WEARING, WELL THEY LIE, THEY HANG FROM YOUR HIPS AND PULL UP TO YOUR BOOBS, SO I TRASHED THAT 20.00 DOLLARS.
I CANT EAT ANYTHING AS EVERYTHING JUST PASSES THROUGH ME,WEIGHT LOSS 2 LBS , I SHOULD LOSE 100 AT THIS RATE.I MADE A CUP OF SOUP AND WENT TO LAY DOWN ONLY TO MAKE 5 MORE TRIPS TO THE BATHROOM. WITH ALL THE ILLNESS I HAVE THIS ONE IS THE MOSY HUMILIATING AS YOU CANT HIDE IT, MY SPEECH FAILS ME, MY MIND FORGETS THINGS, I HAD YET ANOTHER SEZIURE AN HOUR AGO, JOE HAD TO HOLD MY ARMS DOWN.
I SEE NEURO TOMORROW , WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO THERE IS NO CURE ONLY THESE MEDS TO SLOW IT DOWN.
THIS IS THE SADDEST I HAVE BEEN, I TRY TO LIVE FOR TODAY, I PRAY FOR TODAY AND I GIVE PRAISE EVERYNIGHT FOR MY DAY, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS I HAD ANOTHER DAY.
I NEED TO LIVE FOR TODAY, BUT ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU THEY CAN LIVE FOR THE MOMENT OR THE DAY AND NOT THINK ABOUT TOMORROW IS JUST PLAIN LYING, WE ALL PLAN OUR NEXT DAY, OR NEXT NIGHT. I STILL WANT TO BELIEVE I WILL SEE MY GRANDKIDS GROW UP AND REMEMBER THEM DOING SO. I WANT TO BE AT THEIR WEDDINGS, HAVE GREATGRANDKIDS AND REMEMBER THEM. MY DISEASE WONT KILL ME THIS I KNOW, AND ONE OF MY OTHER ONES WILL, I WISH I COULD SHAKE THE FEELING THAT JESUS JUST HEALS SOMETIMES BY BRINGING YOU HOME. IM NOT READY BUT WHAT I WILL DO IS FIGHT, AND DHARE THIS HORRIBLE, HUMILIATING DISEASE.........
I WILL LOVE MY HUSBAND NO MATTER WHAT, I WILL SEE ME IN HIS EYES NOT SADNESS, I WILL HIDE MY TEARS AND SEEK JOY IN THIS LIFE AND I WILL ALWAYS TRY TO REMEMBER JESUS IS WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT
My Journey through Alzheimers..
My Journey through Alzheimer's
WELL FIRST OFF PLEASE FORGIVE MY CAPS, TILL I GET THE DRAGON SOUND SYSTEM INSTALLED THIS WILL BE EASIER.
HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHEN YOU GO TO THE DRS AND JUST SHRUG AT ONE MORE ILLNESS. I HAVE, I HAVE A TOTAL OF 23 DIFFERENT DISEASES, MOST SEPARATE FROM MY LUPUS OR FIBRO. THE OTHER WORSE ONES ARE DIABETES, 2 PRIMARY CLOTTING DISEASES AND ATHEROSCLEROSIS.THESE I HAVE TRIED TO LIVE WITH, DEAL WITH, ACCEPT AND PRAY FOR. I HAVE MET SO MANY WONDERFUL FRIENDS THROUGH MY GROUPS AT FACEBOOK, THE LOVE AND SUPPORT FROM THERE IS INCREDIBLE. I DO NOT KNOW HOW MY DAILY LIFE WOULD GO ONE WITHOUT THEM. I KNOW PEOPLE SAY HOW CAN YOU CALL PEOPLE YOU NEVER EVEN MET, YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS, WELL I CAN BECAUSE THEY UNDERSTAND, THEY FEEL THE PAIN AND FRUSTRATION AND THEY LISTEN.... THEY PRAY FOR YOU AND THEY REALLY CARE.
I HAVE SEVERAL SIBLINGS, I LOST ONE SISTER ALMOST 2 YRS AGO BUT MY PRIMARY SUPPORT FAMILY WISE, BESIDES MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND JOE IS MY SISTER LORRIE, ALTHOUGH WE NEVER GOT ALONG GROWING UP, I WAS THE ELDEST OF SEVEN, SHE HAS BECOME MY BEST FRIEND, MY MENTOR, MY MOTHER AND MY WORLD. HER LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL AND SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME ALL THROUGH HER OWN ILLNESS AND SUFFERING.
NOW TO MY BLOG, I WANTED TO START THIS WHILE MY MIND IS STILL FAIRLY CLEAR AND I WILL TRY TO POST EACH DAY...
HAVING LUPUS AND FIBRO, ALONG WITH ALL THE PAIN AND SPENDING DAYS IN BED, I WAS FORGETTING THINGS, LITLE THINGS LIKE WHY I WALKED INTO A ROOM, WHAT I WAS DOING 5 MINUTES BEFORE, PHONE CALLS, RECIPES ECT. I ALWAYS SAID AS I LAUGHED IT IS FIBRO FOG, JOE USED TO SAY THE SAME THING " I KNOW HONEY IT IS THE FIBRO FOG". WELL THIS WENT ON FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS. THINGS STARTED GETTING WORSE, I STARTED FORGETTING SURROUNDINGS, STREETS I HAD BEEN ON, PLACES I HAD BEEN, FORGETTING MY MEDS, TURNING OFF THE STOVE, LEAVING PANS COOKING AND FORGETTING THEM, ALMOST BURNED THE HOUSE DOWN TWICE. I WOULD GRAB HOT PANS FROM THE OVEN WITHOUT MITTS ECT, THINGS WERE GETTING BAD.
I WAS SENT TO A COUPLE OF DRS FOR AN SSI EXAM, I FLUNKED A MEMORY TEST, WHATS NEW? FIBRO FOG OR A PAST STROKE. I SAW MY PRIMARY WITH A LIST OF THINGS THAT WERE GONG WRONG INCLUDING NOW BECOMING INCONTINENT.THE FIRST THING OUT OF HIS MOUTH WAS ALZHEIMER'S, I SAID NAW CANT BE, I'M TOO YOUNG, I HAVE HAD PTS WITH THAT AND HAT IS NOT ME. HE IMMEDIATELY ORDERED A PET SCAN AND I WAS TO SEE HIM IN 2 WEEKS.WELL I WAS SCARED BUT WENT AND HAD IT DONE. I WAS SHOCKED WHEN I CAME HOME AND SHOWERED ONLY TO FIND I HAD AN ACCIDENT WHILE I WAS THERE, . I CRIED AND FELL MY HUSBANDS ARMS WHEN HE CAME HOME.
I TOLD THEM AT THE TEST I WAS PICKING UP THE REPORT IN 2 DAYS, I WAS SURE IT WAS NEGITIVE SO NO PROBLEM. JOE TOOK ME TO PICK UP THE DISK AND WRITTEN REPORT, I READ THROUGH THE FIRST PAGE, ALL THE NUMBERS I DID NOT UNDERSTAND, THEN ON THE SUMMARY I READ, NO MASSES, NO FLUID, NO BLOCKAGE I WAS SO HAPPY THEN I TURNED TO PAGE TWO, IT SAID SEVERE HYPOMETOBOLIC ATROPHY IN BILATERAL TEMPORAL LOBES, C/O ALHEZIMERS. I COULDENT BREATH, MY CHEST HURT, THE TEARS FELL AND I STARTED TO HYPERVENTELATE.JOE SAID WHAT DOES THAT MEAN AND I SAID IT MEANS I AM BEING ERASED, THAT HOW I FEEL. I NEEDED TO CALM DOWN, GET MY PULSE AND BP BACK AND MADE A JOKE, WELL NOW YOU CAN TAKE ME TO THE VET TO GET A MICRO CHIP. HE DID NOT THINK THAT WAS FUNNY.
WELL THATS HOW I FEEL, AS I MAKE APPOINTMENTS TO GET A LIFE ALERT WITH A GPS, GETTING ALARMS PUT ON THE DOORS, KNOWING I CANNOT BE ALONE AND KNOWING THAT YET AGAIN THERE IS NO CURE. I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULD NOT LOOK IT UP BUT I WENT TO THE MAYO CLINIC SITE, I CRIED YET AGAIN, DO NOT CRY ALL THE TIME WHEN YOU HAVE LUPUS OR FIBRO, YOU ONLY GET A MIGRAINE LOL .....FROM WHAT I READ THERE ARE 5 STAGES AND THE DR HAD SAID I WAS IN STAGE TWO. I WANTED MY PRIMARY TO TREAT ME FOR THIS AS I ADORE HIM, HE LISTENS AND IS VERY SMART, HE DID START ME ON MORE MEDS ONE MADE ME SICK NOW IM ON THE ARIFAT WHICH IS ALOS MAKING ME SICK BUT IT SHOULD SUBSIDE. I SEE NEURO TOMORROW, I DO NOT KNOW THIS DR BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE AS MEDICAID WILL ONLY PAY THIS ONE DR. ALL THE OTHER NEUROLOGISTS WIL NOT ACCEPT IT. IM SO SCARED, BUT PRAYING, YES I AM ANGRY, IM HURT, IM SCARED AND DID WANT TO THROW IN THE TOWEL, BUT I NEEDED TO REMEBER I AM NOT ALONE, I HAVE JESUS.... AND ALL OF YOU, WILL POST TOMORROW NEED TO GET READY FOR THE EYE DRS. SO I HOPE YOU WILL TAKE THIS JOURNEY WITH ME AND GAIN SOME UNDERSTANDING IF YOURSELF OR A LOVED ONE GETS THE SAME DEVESTATING NEWS.................... LOVE AND PRAYETS,
DONNALYN
WELL FIRST OFF PLEASE FORGIVE MY CAPS, TILL I GET THE DRAGON SOUND SYSTEM INSTALLED THIS WILL BE EASIER.
HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHEN YOU GO TO THE DRS AND JUST SHRUG AT ONE MORE ILLNESS. I HAVE, I HAVE A TOTAL OF 23 DIFFERENT DISEASES, MOST SEPARATE FROM MY LUPUS OR FIBRO. THE OTHER WORSE ONES ARE DIABETES, 2 PRIMARY CLOTTING DISEASES AND ATHEROSCLEROSIS.THESE I HAVE TRIED TO LIVE WITH, DEAL WITH, ACCEPT AND PRAY FOR. I HAVE MET SO MANY WONDERFUL FRIENDS THROUGH MY GROUPS AT FACEBOOK, THE LOVE AND SUPPORT FROM THERE IS INCREDIBLE. I DO NOT KNOW HOW MY DAILY LIFE WOULD GO ONE WITHOUT THEM. I KNOW PEOPLE SAY HOW CAN YOU CALL PEOPLE YOU NEVER EVEN MET, YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS, WELL I CAN BECAUSE THEY UNDERSTAND, THEY FEEL THE PAIN AND FRUSTRATION AND THEY LISTEN.... THEY PRAY FOR YOU AND THEY REALLY CARE.
I HAVE SEVERAL SIBLINGS, I LOST ONE SISTER ALMOST 2 YRS AGO BUT MY PRIMARY SUPPORT FAMILY WISE, BESIDES MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND JOE IS MY SISTER LORRIE, ALTHOUGH WE NEVER GOT ALONG GROWING UP, I WAS THE ELDEST OF SEVEN, SHE HAS BECOME MY BEST FRIEND, MY MENTOR, MY MOTHER AND MY WORLD. HER LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL AND SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME ALL THROUGH HER OWN ILLNESS AND SUFFERING.
NOW TO MY BLOG, I WANTED TO START THIS WHILE MY MIND IS STILL FAIRLY CLEAR AND I WILL TRY TO POST EACH DAY...
HAVING LUPUS AND FIBRO, ALONG WITH ALL THE PAIN AND SPENDING DAYS IN BED, I WAS FORGETTING THINGS, LITLE THINGS LIKE WHY I WALKED INTO A ROOM, WHAT I WAS DOING 5 MINUTES BEFORE, PHONE CALLS, RECIPES ECT. I ALWAYS SAID AS I LAUGHED IT IS FIBRO FOG, JOE USED TO SAY THE SAME THING " I KNOW HONEY IT IS THE FIBRO FOG". WELL THIS WENT ON FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS. THINGS STARTED GETTING WORSE, I STARTED FORGETTING SURROUNDINGS, STREETS I HAD BEEN ON, PLACES I HAD BEEN, FORGETTING MY MEDS, TURNING OFF THE STOVE, LEAVING PANS COOKING AND FORGETTING THEM, ALMOST BURNED THE HOUSE DOWN TWICE. I WOULD GRAB HOT PANS FROM THE OVEN WITHOUT MITTS ECT, THINGS WERE GETTING BAD.
I WAS SENT TO A COUPLE OF DRS FOR AN SSI EXAM, I FLUNKED A MEMORY TEST, WHATS NEW? FIBRO FOG OR A PAST STROKE. I SAW MY PRIMARY WITH A LIST OF THINGS THAT WERE GONG WRONG INCLUDING NOW BECOMING INCONTINENT.THE FIRST THING OUT OF HIS MOUTH WAS ALZHEIMER'S, I SAID NAW CANT BE, I'M TOO YOUNG, I HAVE HAD PTS WITH THAT AND HAT IS NOT ME. HE IMMEDIATELY ORDERED A PET SCAN AND I WAS TO SEE HIM IN 2 WEEKS.WELL I WAS SCARED BUT WENT AND HAD IT DONE. I WAS SHOCKED WHEN I CAME HOME AND SHOWERED ONLY TO FIND I HAD AN ACCIDENT WHILE I WAS THERE, . I CRIED AND FELL MY HUSBANDS ARMS WHEN HE CAME HOME.
I TOLD THEM AT THE TEST I WAS PICKING UP THE REPORT IN 2 DAYS, I WAS SURE IT WAS NEGITIVE SO NO PROBLEM. JOE TOOK ME TO PICK UP THE DISK AND WRITTEN REPORT, I READ THROUGH THE FIRST PAGE, ALL THE NUMBERS I DID NOT UNDERSTAND, THEN ON THE SUMMARY I READ, NO MASSES, NO FLUID, NO BLOCKAGE I WAS SO HAPPY THEN I TURNED TO PAGE TWO, IT SAID SEVERE HYPOMETOBOLIC ATROPHY IN BILATERAL TEMPORAL LOBES, C/O ALHEZIMERS. I COULDENT BREATH, MY CHEST HURT, THE TEARS FELL AND I STARTED TO HYPERVENTELATE.JOE SAID WHAT DOES THAT MEAN AND I SAID IT MEANS I AM BEING ERASED, THAT HOW I FEEL. I NEEDED TO CALM DOWN, GET MY PULSE AND BP BACK AND MADE A JOKE, WELL NOW YOU CAN TAKE ME TO THE VET TO GET A MICRO CHIP. HE DID NOT THINK THAT WAS FUNNY.
WELL THATS HOW I FEEL, AS I MAKE APPOINTMENTS TO GET A LIFE ALERT WITH A GPS, GETTING ALARMS PUT ON THE DOORS, KNOWING I CANNOT BE ALONE AND KNOWING THAT YET AGAIN THERE IS NO CURE. I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULD NOT LOOK IT UP BUT I WENT TO THE MAYO CLINIC SITE, I CRIED YET AGAIN, DO NOT CRY ALL THE TIME WHEN YOU HAVE LUPUS OR FIBRO, YOU ONLY GET A MIGRAINE LOL .....FROM WHAT I READ THERE ARE 5 STAGES AND THE DR HAD SAID I WAS IN STAGE TWO. I WANTED MY PRIMARY TO TREAT ME FOR THIS AS I ADORE HIM, HE LISTENS AND IS VERY SMART, HE DID START ME ON MORE MEDS ONE MADE ME SICK NOW IM ON THE ARIFAT WHICH IS ALOS MAKING ME SICK BUT IT SHOULD SUBSIDE. I SEE NEURO TOMORROW, I DO NOT KNOW THIS DR BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE AS MEDICAID WILL ONLY PAY THIS ONE DR. ALL THE OTHER NEUROLOGISTS WIL NOT ACCEPT IT. IM SO SCARED, BUT PRAYING, YES I AM ANGRY, IM HURT, IM SCARED AND DID WANT TO THROW IN THE TOWEL, BUT I NEEDED TO REMEBER I AM NOT ALONE, I HAVE JESUS.... AND ALL OF YOU, WILL POST TOMORROW NEED TO GET READY FOR THE EYE DRS. SO I HOPE YOU WILL TAKE THIS JOURNEY WITH ME AND GAIN SOME UNDERSTANDING IF YOURSELF OR A LOVED ONE GETS THE SAME DEVESTATING NEWS.................... LOVE AND PRAYETS,
DONNALYN
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