I am so lost

I am so lost at this minute. I slept till moon tonight which is very unusual for me I missed church I don't know if it's because my sisters on or they started the new Alzheimer's medicine and make me tired.

I nondepressed I mean who wants to live like this I just want to go to the store were Joe and I looked at the bags under my eyes when I was getting dressed put makeup on and I got so upset Joe went to the store by himself. I know he likes to go by himself because of my panic attacks and I slowing down, but I do not believe that he should take on all the weight around here. I get so afraid to go outside I'm afraid to state church around people your new place I feel comfortable is with you all talk and him my Facebook. I don't know if it's as you can see me are I have a different perception of what I look like I used to consider myself strong beautiful cocky yes I was a bitch I always got what I wanted no matter the cost. But now I'm afraid of everything and I don't know why. It's

Now I know Joe's got support groups coming up this week's I have to go the doctors also Tuesday to find out why I have to wear depends YM had diarrhea for six months. I've tried diet I've tried everything obviously nothing works. But one thing that bothers me the most is that I don't feel sexy I don't feel like you want to be intimate Joe needs that would've always had a very active sex life and now we have none of tried and I just can't do it. Hours afraid an accident on the happen or because my breathe and I get a migraine and in her an intern that hurts Joe and he stopped and holds me well I cry.

I'm trying to live day by day, I'm trying not to think of my prognosis which is four years now. I'm not afraid died cause I know that I will be healed and I will be with Jesus but I

My Journey through Alhezimers: A horrible day!!! I can't live like this

My Journey through Alhezimers: A horrible day!!! I can't live like this: WellI I already tried to write this in the disappeared. My sister left yesterday I Mr. horribly she's my health care proxy my best friend my...

A horrible day!!! I can't live like this

WellI I already tried to write this in the disappeared. My sister left yesterday I Mr. horribly she's my health care proxy my best friend my confidant and my only sister.

I slept till noon today which is unusual for me and I don't know if it is the new Alzheimer's meds that I started two days ago glass med they can start me on. I know that I'm suffering from depression and I know the longer you dig the hole in and climbed down into it harder it is to climb back out. I did look from start me on Prozac but that takes two weeks I guess to make you feel better. I wonder why I'm on this earth at all I don't want to be better nonleague Joe I would love just not take my meds all 23 pills and just let nature take its course but I can't do that to such a loving caring person and it's selfish.

Not Joe just went to Walmart on his list she's got ensure our dependence Desitin PN
is all things that I need at age 56. I can't be intimate I don't detached I don't to be hugged I want to be left alone alone in my misery and Joe don't deserve that. As most of you know he is the kindest most gentlest husband and I am truly blessed to have him but we're becoming caretaker and patient a lot faster than I thought it would happen he's trying do everything for me and it's just not happening I don't want that I want to be his wife I want to feel will hold me in touch me it's too hard to even attempt he says he understands but I don't see how we can to go from wife they could do anything that could make love three of four times a day we are always on the honeymoon to maybe attempting it once a month's I've tried everything but dammit I don't want to be a patient I don't want to be like this I don't want to live like this dear God please help me, I'll take a quarter the back of what I used to be. Otherwise I just live like this I will not be a burden to Joe,