Good morning everyone this is a hard blog post today. I don't know if is me or Joe or other people around me but people was done to get alienated. I know that the Prozac is working it won't work. For two weeks but I can feel the difference when I take it in the morning. This is something I fought with the Dr. about but I really needed it.
This week is been a really had week I woke in cheery and in a good mood and then the next thing you know I'm fighting with everybody pushing people away or be in oversensitive. Like I said I don't know if it's me or if it's Joe bought its getting really hard. I don't want ID with anybody I want to be close especially now. I have talked Joe till I'm blue in the face I know we satiety when he comes home getting up at two in the morning I've asked him to take a nap and then after dinner spend one hour with me but he had also given up playing poker online talking to his friends online playing cribbage etc. just to be with me and I asked him to please go back and start doing the things he enjoyed that am not going anyway yet so he jumped right back into it and trying to get him for an hour is difficult and my favorite time with him is him sit in on the couch and me laying on his lap with is I'm around me is when I feel the most love it when I feel the safest.
The other night we had agreed to watch a show together and he changed his mind and said he was much too tired he was just going this late which I understood so I went to work on my jigsaw puzzle to make my brain work better and he went to bat will two hours later I went to going to bed and he's in bed wide-awake watching the movie laughing needless to say, I took that very personally I started screaming shaking and he immediately tried to calm me down and I told him not to come near me because he was going to get hurt. He said he didn't do it on purpose I took it that he didn't want to be around me. Now I know Joe loves me and I know that that was not his intention but it hurt and it hurt that I took off out of the house I told him I was leaving I threatening had him at: Justice day very far away for me eventually I calm down I started clawing at my arms I don't know why is something I've never done. He eventually got me to calm down and promise not to do it again. The next night we watch TV together for an hour and I was in heaven. The very next night he did the same thing over again so I'm trying not to take this personally because he needs his own space and it's going to get worse for him, so would why do do I give up my one hour of pure joy and let him have his own way or do I insist on that one hour.
You have to know Joe E is well a lot you do he is the kindest gentlest most loving man I've ever known in my life. He's my teddy bear this for my column I love looking man him I love watching him sleep I always in 10 years have run out to the track when he comes home from work to greet him. Even now I don't feel like eating we've been having dinner together every night and I been saying my grace every night and he actually looks forward to that. I don't want to lose him in meadow on a push him away but I have no control I don't know which way to turn because I don't know if I'm pushing him away or he's pushing me away he always tells me he loves me just as much is he ever did even more but I look at it to that been a caregiver and said there's no way that you can love me so it's confusing and it's causing a lot of tension.
My sister Lori's, now she'll be here Monday and she's my best friend, she's brutally honest and will definitely tell me if it's me or Joe but she will say it's me she always takes Joe side and she's usually right. Me and her can talk about anything and having her around is just wonderful to me I'm really looking forward to it in I'm sure Joe is to and I know our roommate Craig is really looking forward to it but it will be good for all of us. I really would like your input on this matter of so if you could leave a comment and tell me what you think or how I should be I don't know what how to be anymore I don't how to be me am afraid of everything I cry at the drop of a pen my anger is vicious and I'm hoping that once the medicine to my system and that I step yellow times medicine that things will change but a lot of you know me so please take the time to leave a comment I would appreciate it and let me know what you think is a lot of you have spoken to Joe and me and I value your opinions.
I think of you all every day I pray for you all every day to give praise to Jesus that I have a new day every day I'm working on a few things my blog Joe got me a jigsaw puzzle is to keep my brain occupied and I'm working on right and the lattice to you all I've sent them out already well I guess I'll close here and look forward to reading your comments. Please have a blessed day and know that you will love.
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