WELL I FINALLY DID IT

WELL FOLKS I FINALLY CALED THE ALZHEIMERS FOUNDATION OF AMERICA. IT WAS ON OF THE HARDEST CALLS I EVER MADE, TO SAY OUT LOUD I HAVE ALZHEIMERS.IT HURT, BUT I FOUND A SOCIAL WORKER WHO KNEW EXACTLY HOW I FELT. THEY ARE SENDING OUT ALOT OF INFO FOR JOE.
           JOE AS MOST OF YOU KNOW IS MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND AND NOW CARE GIVER. I HAD TO SIT HIM DOWNAND TELL HOW HE WILL FEEL TAKING CARE OF ME AND I EXPLAINED IT IS ALL NORMAL. IT HURT HIM WHEN I TOLD HIM THERE WOULD BE DAYS WHEN HE WILL GET ANGRY WITH ME, THAT HE WILL HATE ME, WISH I WAS NOT HERE ECT, HE GOT UPSET AND SAID THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN BUT THE SW AGREED WITH ME AND SAID HE NEEDS TO KNOW HE WILL CAN CAN FEEL THIS WAY WITHOUT  FEELING GUILTY.
            NOW I CANNOT THINK OF JOE HAVING THESE FEELINGS BUT I HAVE BEENA CAREGIVER TO A LOVED ONE AND THE FEELINGS ARE REAL.
            I HAVE ACCEPTED JOE'S DENIAL FOR NOW, I SEE THE LOVE IN HIS EYES, I CAN FEL IT IN HIS HUGS, BUT I ALSO SEE FEAR AS HE TALKS ME THROUGH A SEZIURE........
           AS FOR ME, I NOTICE I AM FORGETTING MORE THINGS,TRYING TO COOK HAS BECOME A CHORE, TURNING THE WASHER AND DRYER ON ALSO. I DO NOT LIKE TO GET DRESSED I WOULD RATHER STAY IN MY PJ'S WITH A BLANKET THROWN OVER MY HEAD, NOT LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, WONDERING WHERE AM I GOING TO GO IN MY MIND. I KNOW I WILL NOT FORGET THE PAST SO I AM TOLD AND IT IS SUPPOSE TO BE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER TYPES OF DEMENTIA, BUT I CANNOT LET GO OF THIS FEAR. I WANT MY FAMILY, I WANT MY SON, GRANCHILDREN ECT. THE DEPRESSION IS GETTING WORSE, THE MEDS NOT WORKING, THE ANTI ANXIETY PILLS WERE INCREASED THEY HELP. I ALSO GET SEASONAL DEPRESSON WHICH DOES NOT HELP. I DID DECIDE TO STAY IN FLORIDA WITH MY CHURCH FAMLY AND FRIENDS, BEING CLOSE TO JESUS HELPS FOR IF I WERE NOT SAVED AND NOT HAVE THE LOVE OF JOE, I CAN SAY FOR SURE, I WOULD NOT SUFFER ANY LONGER, I HAVE DEALT WITH THE LUPUS AND ALL THE OTHER DISEASE BUT I NEVER WANTED TO LIVE IF MY BRAINWAS DAMAGED, SO I PRAISE GOD FOR SENDING ME THE HOLY SPIRT TO ME, FOR IF JESUS DID NOT LIVE IN MY HEART, I WOULD HAVE TAKEN MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS,JESUS WILL TAKE ME AND HEAL ME WHEN HE IS READY, FOR NOW I WILL DEPEND ON THE LOVE OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND HAVING THE COMFORT THAT I KNOW I AM NEVER ALONE............