Loss of Imtimacy

My Dear Flolowers and friends, this is going to be hard to type, one because of the content and because i cannot get the drsgon working.so please forgive.
         Joe and I have been married almost 10 yrs, we met online and before he flew to met me i told him i was very ill and i would prob die on hom. he flew across the country and proposed on Christmas eve 2001, we were married july 2002.
                we laughed all the time, we wrestled like kids but most of all after being a widow and no having sex for 9 yrs this was all new to me again.
         I also explained i had ptsd from sexual abuse for 10 yrs and i had to teach him how to spproch me. This man was so understanding.
we made love morning, noon and mostly all night, he was always tender and thought of me first.
           after our 2 moth anniv i got pericarditis and he almost lost me, then fibro, the pain was abd and we grew further apart in our sex lives. Making love becaumr a chore then painful. then menopause so that killed alot.
             I have tried so hard to be a god wife, he still tries, grabbing my breast, telling me how beautiful i am, how i turn him on , how sexy i am. i feel none of thse things. yes i do try but due to all the illness the minute my body starts to respond i get a massive migrine and he looks into my eyes and sees teas what a buzz kill.
          i used to love to spoon but that has stopped i can not stand to be touched. so i hug him, kiss him goodnight, wait for him to fall asleep then i move to the couch, am i preparing him for the day i am no longer with him?
              i have asked him to get remarried that went over like a bucket of shit he said i was his only love.
 Dear Lord i want him so much I want the old days... i want us to be happy without this hanging over our heads. i knowi should be happy having him because so many men walk out, but joe is like no other, how can i save him from this pain he us feeling...
                   oh now one thing i thought of on my bucket list is to be able to meet some of you, some kind of reunion. i know i wont get to most of my bucket list as we make less then 26,000.00 a yr. I also want to meet President Obama and I want to build another room on my home. right now i need to work on the master bath, the floor rotted and it needs to be replaced before one of us falls throug, we live in a mobile home. i would love one of those walk in baths as i have fallen several times and do not want to go through the glass.
            All my friends ur feedback is important to me so i can get some ideas on these funal yrs till i can walk with jesus and feel the donfort of his hand in mine..... love you all