Friday, September 14, 2012
My Journey through Alhezimers: just my rant !!!!
My Journey through Alhezimers: just my rant !!!!: Well today this is me, I cancelled my treatment last night and this am as i was riding the porcelion bus.. these meds are making me so sic...
just my rant !!!!
I just got off the phone with my sister lorrie aka lorrie slattery, you should add her to your facebook, she has fibro and alot of other problems with chronic pain ,but she always has time for me, she is my sister and best friend so please add her, our fb family would help her greatly and also if im in the hospital, she has all the info she is my power of attorney.I love her so much, she just hears my voice and knows when something is wrong. today I think I am feeling sorry for myself,I hate being so isolated from ym sister, my son and grandchildren and my daughter in law. my modd makes me sound angry all the time and my words come out wrong and I sond like a bitch. You all know me I am really kind and gentle, and love you all so much.But right now im all swollen, I can hardly walk, the pain is awful, i cannot shower this is my second month , sponge baths only. Joe took me for a pedicure, manicure and to get my hair cut which I appreciate so much but it does not change me on the inside. I do not know if I can keep up this fight. My words hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt and that is my daughter in law Candy, I thought we were so close and I was trying to be the right kinda mother in law but I failed, i give advice when it is not wanted, i send my love which is not believed. She was comng down to help me for a few moths but I could tell after our last conversation, thats the last thing she wanted to do. lord why do i do that, i only give advice to help her and my grandchildren, i do not get involved in their marriage, thats between them, so now i lost a daughter and it hurts bad, like my heart was ripped out. i get to talk to my granddaughters which is good but i may never see them again before i die and that scares me. I know i will see my son, the love of my lfe, the one who will always stand by me and if he could he would be here in a flash to help Joe.My heart is broken over something stupid ................ I love you Candy and would never compare you to anyone else. You are kind, loving and so loving you get hurt by people and I try to prevent that.
As for my alzheimers, m on namenda, i do need nt to get upset because that affects your memory also. Everytime i get upset i forget things more and thats not good. The dementia will come alot faster if i do not watch it.
Well I love my family so far away and I love you al from all over the world i get support , prayers and love........................... you mean the world to me.so please add lorrie slattery to the groups and friends. I love you all just needed to vent , time to go back to bed .............
Monday, July 16, 2012
Update
A good morning everyone.
I'm just going to wing it here. First off I did one let you know that the last neurologist who has a mental health background, had decided that since I was depressed that I did not have Alzheimer's. When I told my primary what she had said she hit the roof. The report clearly stated that I had severe hypo-metabolic atrophy of the bilateral temporal lobes consistent with early Alzheimer's. My primary is demanding all the consults and has started me back on the Alzheimer's meds. Although Alzheimer's will not kill me the dementia will soo start setting in.Now I remember when I called my sister Lori that I was so excited that it didn't have Alzheimer's and I was just depressed she was doubtful, she had seen my behavior and she knew something was wrong. Most of you know me, a lot of me know me well and have listened to my rants. For those that don't know me I have lupus, fibromyalgia, primary clotting disorders orders plural, diabetes vascular disease . I'm really angry that it took me 20 years to get diagnosed with lupus it was all in my head, then it took five years to get diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Then it took a coma and life support for six days to determine I was diabetic. I have made it a point in the past 10 years never to tell any Dr. that have had any type of depression or PTSD as you are then dismissed there is close they sign you of you put out with the trash. The fact remains I'm not anodyne five years I like a lot of us will die when it's time for Jesus to take us home to heal us.
Anothe thing is I am getting so sick of being judged by the pain medication I take. With the new narcotics laws in place in most states do they really think that my primary would risk his license given me medication I don't need. Another thing you judged on. Why do you take those meds, that's too much medicine, fact is it's nobody's business.
The way I'm feeling right now is we need more awareness we need to screa at the top of our lungs to fight for our rights to be heard and to be seen. Okay now I'm ranting this one more thing that concerns me a lot of people do not have health care, family, and friends to help them I think it would be great to appoint someone from one of our groups to start a fund to help people that are in great need and suffering like of. I know a lot of us are on disability in the water of the poor but between all of us that thousands of us one dollar can make a difference I think that's something we should explore in the future actually I think that we could vote on a administrator to start this project okay one more paragraph and this isnot going to be a pleasant one
For those of you that look through us, that do no see our pain, that have abandoned u when we have to keep turning down engagements or can't get dressed to go out and if I hear one more time you don't look sick I swear I am going to lose it. To those doctors friends family and those who don't believe that w are sick, I will ask Jesus for forgiveness for this but to those of you who have hurt us........ you can just kiss my ASP. I love you all never forget it.
I'm just going to wing it here. First off I did one let you know that the last neurologist who has a mental health background, had decided that since I was depressed that I did not have Alzheimer's. When I told my primary what she had said she hit the roof. The report clearly stated that I had severe hypo-metabolic atrophy of the bilateral temporal lobes consistent with early Alzheimer's. My primary is demanding all the consults and has started me back on the Alzheimer's meds. Although Alzheimer's will not kill me the dementia will soo start setting in.Now I remember when I called my sister Lori that I was so excited that it didn't have Alzheimer's and I was just depressed she was doubtful, she had seen my behavior and she knew something was wrong. Most of you know me, a lot of me know me well and have listened to my rants. For those that don't know me I have lupus, fibromyalgia, primary clotting disorders orders plural, diabetes vascular disease . I'm really angry that it took me 20 years to get diagnosed with lupus it was all in my head, then it took five years to get diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Then it took a coma and life support for six days to determine I was diabetic. I have made it a point in the past 10 years never to tell any Dr. that have had any type of depression or PTSD as you are then dismissed there is close they sign you of you put out with the trash. The fact remains I'm not anodyne five years I like a lot of us will die when it's time for Jesus to take us home to heal us.
Anothe thing is I am getting so sick of being judged by the pain medication I take. With the new narcotics laws in place in most states do they really think that my primary would risk his license given me medication I don't need. Another thing you judged on. Why do you take those meds, that's too much medicine, fact is it's nobody's business.
The way I'm feeling right now is we need more awareness we need to screa at the top of our lungs to fight for our rights to be heard and to be seen. Okay now I'm ranting this one more thing that concerns me a lot of people do not have health care, family, and friends to help them I think it would be great to appoint someone from one of our groups to start a fund to help people that are in great need and suffering like of. I know a lot of us are on disability in the water of the poor but between all of us that thousands of us one dollar can make a difference I think that's something we should explore in the future actually I think that we could vote on a administrator to start this project okay one more paragraph and this isnot going to be a pleasant one
For those of you that look through us, that do no see our pain, that have abandoned u when we have to keep turning down engagements or can't get dressed to go out and if I hear one more time you don't look sick I swear I am going to lose it. To those doctors friends family and those who don't believe that w are sick, I will ask Jesus for forgiveness for this but to those of you who have hurt us........ you can just kiss my ASP. I love you all never forget it.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
This is my final blog
Hello everyone,
I know all of you have been worried about me. I got a call from Rena and she told me how were you all were. Well I had my last appointment with my neurologist and I'm still on the Namenda but this is the good news apparently the damage that's been done to my brain will take 30 years to affect me in the way Alzheimer's does. They tell me that my primary doctor not being educated in Alzheimer's had no business telling me that I had five years to live a five-year to my brain was completely gone and to get my affairs in daughter etc. etc. etc. He thought he was doing the right thing he was doing the wrong thing. For so many months I've gotten more more anxious more more down in afraid to leave the house. I've stopped going to church talking to friends going on my computer as you know.
Apparently my memory loss in my anxiety and forgetfulness has all gotten worse due to a deep depression and anxiety over the illnesses I already do have. Something traded it and they believe it was either me being in a coma for a week two years ago or my sister suicide. They tell me when you're under stress your anxiety goes up and when you're chronically ill like we all are then you get depressed now I had already agreed to Prozac were John was on the mound and it helped but this still a long way to go I'm still depressed I'm very anxious she wants me to do cognitive reasoning exercises and keep my memory shop. There is a big relief knowing that I am not going to die in five years. That's huge for me I'm so excited to know that I should not feel the effects of the Alzheimer's for many years to come. Needless to say Joe was very excited and we believe this Dr.
My sister Lori does not believe this Dr. although she wishes it was true that it's depression and anxiety she's been around me and she feels that it's the Alzheimer's. Bottom line is my dear sisters that I'm not going to worry about it I'm going to deal with my life day by day I went to get back on the computer and talk to you all my favorite people. This week Joe's on vacation and we have babysit not grant son Dominic which has forced me to leave the house and I'm actually doing okay with that.
So I'm looking forward to moving on with my life and I want to thank you all for all your prayers concern love and I'm really relieved to know that I will be a member of the Lupus family for the rest of my life as I still will have a functioning brain. Joan I appreciate you all so much and things will get really bad here with my mood swings but I promise that we will both be on an answer any questions that you have. We love you all and can't wait to talk to you.
God bless you all,
Donnalynn
I know all of you have been worried about me. I got a call from Rena and she told me how were you all were. Well I had my last appointment with my neurologist and I'm still on the Namenda but this is the good news apparently the damage that's been done to my brain will take 30 years to affect me in the way Alzheimer's does. They tell me that my primary doctor not being educated in Alzheimer's had no business telling me that I had five years to live a five-year to my brain was completely gone and to get my affairs in daughter etc. etc. etc. He thought he was doing the right thing he was doing the wrong thing. For so many months I've gotten more more anxious more more down in afraid to leave the house. I've stopped going to church talking to friends going on my computer as you know.
Apparently my memory loss in my anxiety and forgetfulness has all gotten worse due to a deep depression and anxiety over the illnesses I already do have. Something traded it and they believe it was either me being in a coma for a week two years ago or my sister suicide. They tell me when you're under stress your anxiety goes up and when you're chronically ill like we all are then you get depressed now I had already agreed to Prozac were John was on the mound and it helped but this still a long way to go I'm still depressed I'm very anxious she wants me to do cognitive reasoning exercises and keep my memory shop. There is a big relief knowing that I am not going to die in five years. That's huge for me I'm so excited to know that I should not feel the effects of the Alzheimer's for many years to come. Needless to say Joe was very excited and we believe this Dr.
My sister Lori does not believe this Dr. although she wishes it was true that it's depression and anxiety she's been around me and she feels that it's the Alzheimer's. Bottom line is my dear sisters that I'm not going to worry about it I'm going to deal with my life day by day I went to get back on the computer and talk to you all my favorite people. This week Joe's on vacation and we have babysit not grant son Dominic which has forced me to leave the house and I'm actually doing okay with that.
So I'm looking forward to moving on with my life and I want to thank you all for all your prayers concern love and I'm really relieved to know that I will be a member of the Lupus family for the rest of my life as I still will have a functioning brain. Joan I appreciate you all so much and things will get really bad here with my mood swings but I promise that we will both be on an answer any questions that you have. We love you all and can't wait to talk to you.
God bless you all,
Donnalynn
Sunday, March 4, 2012
I am so lost
I am so lost at this minute. I slept till moon tonight which is very unusual for me I missed church I don't know if it's because my sisters on or they started the new Alzheimer's medicine and make me tired.
I nondepressed I mean who wants to live like this I just want to go to the store were Joe and I looked at the bags under my eyes when I was getting dressed put makeup on and I got so upset Joe went to the store by himself. I know he likes to go by himself because of my panic attacks and I slowing down, but I do not believe that he should take on all the weight around here. I get so afraid to go outside I'm afraid to state church around people your new place I feel comfortable is with you all talk and him my Facebook. I don't know if it's as you can see me are I have a different perception of what I look like I used to consider myself strong beautiful cocky yes I was a bitch I always got what I wanted no matter the cost. But now I'm afraid of everything and I don't know why. It's
Now I know Joe's got support groups coming up this week's I have to go the doctors also Tuesday to find out why I have to wear depends YM had diarrhea for six months. I've tried diet I've tried everything obviously nothing works. But one thing that bothers me the most is that I don't feel sexy I don't feel like you want to be intimate Joe needs that would've always had a very active sex life and now we have none of tried and I just can't do it. Hours afraid an accident on the happen or because my breathe and I get a migraine and in her an intern that hurts Joe and he stopped and holds me well I cry.
I'm trying to live day by day, I'm trying not to think of my prognosis which is four years now. I'm not afraid died cause I know that I will be healed and I will be with Jesus but I
I nondepressed I mean who wants to live like this I just want to go to the store were Joe and I looked at the bags under my eyes when I was getting dressed put makeup on and I got so upset Joe went to the store by himself. I know he likes to go by himself because of my panic attacks and I slowing down, but I do not believe that he should take on all the weight around here. I get so afraid to go outside I'm afraid to state church around people your new place I feel comfortable is with you all talk and him my Facebook. I don't know if it's as you can see me are I have a different perception of what I look like I used to consider myself strong beautiful cocky yes I was a bitch I always got what I wanted no matter the cost. But now I'm afraid of everything and I don't know why. It's
Now I know Joe's got support groups coming up this week's I have to go the doctors also Tuesday to find out why I have to wear depends YM had diarrhea for six months. I've tried diet I've tried everything obviously nothing works. But one thing that bothers me the most is that I don't feel sexy I don't feel like you want to be intimate Joe needs that would've always had a very active sex life and now we have none of tried and I just can't do it. Hours afraid an accident on the happen or because my breathe and I get a migraine and in her an intern that hurts Joe and he stopped and holds me well I cry.
I'm trying to live day by day, I'm trying not to think of my prognosis which is four years now. I'm not afraid died cause I know that I will be healed and I will be with Jesus but I
My Journey through Alhezimers: A horrible day!!! I can't live like this
My Journey through Alhezimers: A horrible day!!! I can't live like this: WellI I already tried to write this in the disappeared. My sister left yesterday I Mr. horribly she's my health care proxy my best friend my...
A horrible day!!! I can't live like this
WellI I already tried to write this in the disappeared. My sister left yesterday I Mr. horribly she's my health care proxy my best friend my confidant and my only sister.
I slept till noon today which is unusual for me and I don't know if it is the new Alzheimer's meds that I started two days ago glass med they can start me on. I know that I'm suffering from depression and I know the longer you dig the hole in and climbed down into it harder it is to climb back out. I did look from start me on Prozac but that takes two weeks I guess to make you feel better. I wonder why I'm on this earth at all I don't want to be better nonleague Joe I would love just not take my meds all 23 pills and just let nature take its course but I can't do that to such a loving caring person and it's selfish.
Not Joe just went to Walmart on his list she's got ensure our dependence Desitin PN
is all things that I need at age 56. I can't be intimate I don't detached I don't to be hugged I want to be left alone alone in my misery and Joe don't deserve that. As most of you know he is the kindest most gentlest husband and I am truly blessed to have him but we're becoming caretaker and patient a lot faster than I thought it would happen he's trying do everything for me and it's just not happening I don't want that I want to be his wife I want to feel will hold me in touch me it's too hard to even attempt he says he understands but I don't see how we can to go from wife they could do anything that could make love three of four times a day we are always on the honeymoon to maybe attempting it once a month's I've tried everything but dammit I don't want to be a patient I don't want to be like this I don't want to live like this dear God please help me, I'll take a quarter the back of what I used to be. Otherwise I just live like this I will not be a burden to Joe,
I slept till noon today which is unusual for me and I don't know if it is the new Alzheimer's meds that I started two days ago glass med they can start me on. I know that I'm suffering from depression and I know the longer you dig the hole in and climbed down into it harder it is to climb back out. I did look from start me on Prozac but that takes two weeks I guess to make you feel better. I wonder why I'm on this earth at all I don't want to be better nonleague Joe I would love just not take my meds all 23 pills and just let nature take its course but I can't do that to such a loving caring person and it's selfish.
Not Joe just went to Walmart on his list she's got ensure our dependence Desitin PN
is all things that I need at age 56. I can't be intimate I don't detached I don't to be hugged I want to be left alone alone in my misery and Joe don't deserve that. As most of you know he is the kindest most gentlest husband and I am truly blessed to have him but we're becoming caretaker and patient a lot faster than I thought it would happen he's trying do everything for me and it's just not happening I don't want that I want to be his wife I want to feel will hold me in touch me it's too hard to even attempt he says he understands but I don't see how we can to go from wife they could do anything that could make love three of four times a day we are always on the honeymoon to maybe attempting it once a month's I've tried everything but dammit I don't want to be a patient I don't want to be like this I don't want to live like this dear God please help me, I'll take a quarter the back of what I used to be. Otherwise I just live like this I will not be a burden to Joe,
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